sedona Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 I'm a 44 y/o woman with a 57 y/o BF. We've been together for 3 years now, and I still look forward to every minute that I spend with him. We've had the most wonderful time together during these years but four months ago, he told me that he has a problem with our relationship. He said - and still says - that I am the best person for him in every sense. And yet there's something holding him back, and he has absolutely no idea why. I was caught by surprise. We've had no sex since then - he can't perform anymore - but we still hold each other during the nights, so there is physical contact. We see each other every night, but he has an insane work schedule - works late, starts early, and also works on weekends. His work will be like this until Nov 1. He's been to a doctor, and is in perfect health. He started seeing a psychologist, but felt that it didn't help him at all. He's willing to try couples counseling, but doesn't really believe that will help. In any case, we couldn't begin until September at the earliest. He wants to figure this out by himself, even though he hasn't managed to gain one iota of insight on his own about this. I love this man and he loves me. I want to spend my life with him, but obviously not like this. I function well with my kids and at work, but this relationship is draining me when it used to strengthen me. So what do I do? Not let it drag on and break up? Take a break and hope he figures it out? Wait until we can see a counselor and hope that works? Wait until his work schedule lightens and hope the problem was stress (even though he doesn't seem overly stressed by his job)? Other suggestions? I go back and forth, and then back and forth again. This is driving me mad! We both want this relationship to work, but don't know how. And I am 200% sure that he's not having an affair or is interested in some other woman. His confusion is genuine. I'm just so sad right now!! Would appreciate your comments...
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted June 25, 2011 Posted June 25, 2011 How well do the two of you communicate? try sitting down regularly with each other and express what you like/dislike about the relationship, where you both see the relationship going, any changes you would make, personal goals and ambitions, everything. do this regularly, maybe after a few talks you two can find the real problem and fix it. If this doesn't work then consider a break or possibly a break up.
Author sedona Posted June 25, 2011 Author Posted June 25, 2011 I'm sure that we could communicate better, but we have spoken regularly about this. He just has no idea what the problem is and has never experienced anything like this before. So there's been no change - not for better or worse. We're living in limbo!
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