WantingToHelpSomeone Posted April 20, 2004 Posted April 20, 2004 This might be a little long, but I will try to make it short. I really, seriously need all the help I can get. Any advice or websites that would be helpful would be greatly appreciated. I have been in a relationship for a year and a month. In this relationship, my boyfriend has broken up with me MANY times. He breaks up with me very often when he gets mad. Most of time, and still, I don't quite understand WHY he gets mad. It makes him frustrated, and it makes me feel dumb. There have been so many times when I thought it was "the end," but then we would get back together again. It was like a cycle... First, we would be perfect and express our feelings to each other. He would treat me like he loved me. Then, I'd do something stupid (it might have to do with him jealous that I was "flirting," me "treating him badly" even though he never really backed up how I was doing that, or me not "sharing enough about my life with him."). Then, he would get mad, and he would say that we were just not working out. A day to three days MAXIMUM, we would end up talking and get back together again. And it would start over. It is also important to say some of the bad things he did to me: 1) He would do angry things like getting on my screenname and messing it up. 2) He would call me names. 3) He would just get so mad at me SO OFTEN, and most of the time I didn't even understand. I think that this is a result of the abusive relationship between his parents he witnessed as a child. He denies it; he claims that it had no effect on him. But he did have a really bad childhood. I think his dad was verbally, emotionally, and quite possibly physically abusive towards his mother. I also think that his dad was a controlling and jealous person. I never knew very much about how his parents were, but I am assuming it was this way because of how he is and the way he treats me. I always felt like I was treating him well and that I was basically a very good girlfriend. But he never thought so. But I feel so STRONGLY that I treated him well.HE is the one who has issues but can't see that. What do you guys think? I know that this is an emotionally abusive relationship. But I truly love him, and I know in my heart, that even though he doesn't treat me very well at times, he really loves me. I know that people will say "if he loves you, he wouldn't treat you like that," but I am not looking for that. I am looking for some kind of explanation and what can be done for him. Because I love him and want to help him; not only for the well-being of our relationship, but for the well-being of himself and his future relationships.
HokeyReligions Posted April 20, 2004 Posted April 20, 2004 I could write reams about what I have learned in over 20 years with my husband. He came from a very abusive family and we split up a few times. He has been in counseling several times over the years. He is going again now. Your bf needs to be in therapy sounds like. First he needs to be checked out for depression or other physical illnesses that may affect his behavior and attitude, and then go into counseling to help with the emotional issues. You may need to go with him a few times. If he doesn't want to go, then you can either put up with this now and know that it probably will get worse over the years; or you can leave and find happiness somewhere else. Contrary to the old idiom "love conquers all" it does not. You can't do it for him. You are not responsible for any future relationships he has. Do a search on mental health, depression, adult child-abuse survivors, etc. to see if you can find more information to give to him. You can suggest he visit a doctor, but that is all you can do. The rest is up to him.
pixiegrrl28 Posted April 20, 2004 Posted April 20, 2004 I truly believe a person having a bad childhood can affect your relationships. The guy I am with right now was physically and emotionally abused as a child by his father. Also, when he was fifteen he father comitted suicide in front of him! Everyone else in his family went to counseling after this happened but, my boyfriend refused to go. One of the counselors told his mother that the first serious relationship he got into that person would get alot of crap dumped on her. He is like your man and gets mad at me for no reason and usually blindsides me with his anger! We have broken up several times also. I think the max time we have broken up is five days. He is always the one that says that it is over, and about the time I think I am okay being apart he calls me.
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