lipvixen2011 Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 I'll try to make this as short as possible but I highly doubt that is what will happen. So I met this wonderful, sweet guy on an online dating site. We chatted for a couple months before I finally decided to meet up with him. He lives in Las Vegas and myself in Northen California. We both don't mind the LDR thing since we've both been there before. Anyway, I've gone out to visit him a couple times, the last time being last week. We get along great and have wonderful chemistry and not just physical either. We both feel very comfortable with each other and wanted to see where it went. So as of last week when I left there to go back home on Wednesday, everything was peachy keen. We still texted once or twice a day to see how we're doing. We used to talk everyday on the phone after work but that started getting old. Anyway he's been real busy with work (he's in the Airforce) which he said he would be the next couple weeks before 4th of July weekend. I felt him being a little bit distant but wasn't thinking about it being because of work. So the other day, I went online to the website because I kept getting notifications and such from them about guys still emailing and such and such and since I am no longer a paid member I wanted to change my settings so I didn't receive any anymore. During that time I became curious and decided to check his profile, I knew he still had it up but it had been awhile since I even last checked. I click on his and low and behold he's online! Now I know I shouldn't have freaked out but I did. Not like I went stir crazy or anything but with my hormones out of wack at the moment due to a certain time of month..lol..I texted him out of nowhere Wednesday morning saying that I didn't think we should talk or see each other anymore and that I really like and care about him but I want to be with someone that only wants to date me. Take care. Okay, BAD IDEA. As soon as I hit the send button I felt regret. Need I remind you guys we aren't exclusive yet and haven't had the boyfriend and girlfriend talk but we did say we were dating and didn't want to date anyone else and have been intimate. I know not every guy will take down there profile just because they are dating someone or even stop searching for the matter but I felt really hurt. The other times I saw it, I paid no mind to it. Just the night before he texted me telling me he missed me and was thinking about me. I said the same back and boom, I send that text the following morning without any warning whatsoever. I immediately felt I overreacted. Sat on it for a bit until I got home from work but still hadn't gotten a response from the text yet. I called him after I got home but it went to voicemail to tell him I apologized for doing what I did and also emailed it. No response. So later that night I swallowed my pride and said that I really didn't want things to end and hopefully he forgives me for being a jerk and irrational. Still nothing. Woke up yesterday morning and I received a response back from my email saying this: "hmmm, that's pretty amazing that you saw me online yesterday at all since I was at the bombing range from 8am until 8pm. but whatever, im glad you jumped to conlusions instead of asking me why I was online (which would've been impossible). I'm off to the range again today, but maybe you'll see me online again. who knows. I wish you the best and hope but nothing but great things for you." Of course I responded but not for a few hours since I didn't get it until later that morning. I told him I was a complete idiot and I should have just asked him and I didn't want things to end and so on. I sent that around noon yesterday. Still no word from him, no text, no response to my email, nothing. I guess no news is better than some? Who knows. By the way, I'm 32 and he's 34. I usually wouldn't react like that but at that moment I couldn't help it! I should have also taken into consideration we aren't a couple yet and he can still look even though I don't want to. I'm just hoping he gets back to me. I was supposed to see him the 4th of July week when he got back from Arizona since I would be in Vegas already with my friends. I haven't contacted yet since that email yesterday. I felt it was ok to spill my guts and ask for him back yesterday since it was still fresh and within the 24hr time period of it happening. After that though I won't. The balls in his court. We are really good together and have a wonderful time when we are and he adores the hell out of me and I can say I have never had a argument with him or got upset about anything before...so hopefully he won't just want to get rid of me completely over this. What do you guys think I should do? Just wait it out?? No contact? Which has been good so far..I won't chase anyone especially if I already put myself out there. Or should I just give up? What's a girl to do....
Pianiste Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 So you saw him online but he tells you it's impossible because he was at the bombing range all day? Ok. Yes, the ball is in his court now. You've put yourself out there and it's up to him to respond, or not. I don't know if the distant tone in his email was intended but it would be enough of a sign for me not to get my hopes up too high. Just wait it out.
Author lipvixen2011 Posted June 24, 2011 Author Posted June 24, 2011 Thanks Pianiste. The only explanation I can give about that is we both have smart phones and when I would log onto the internet and check any email that goes to my personal email from the website it will show that I am automatically online withouth me having to log on to that dating site. I know it happens a lot. It's not like he kept it a secret from me about how he still gets emails from women since his membership hasn't expired. He'll read them and even tells about some of the crazy ones that do. I couldn't tell how distant it was since it was probably his first time reading my email that morning. He's usually the sweetest guy and very kind. I'm taking it as he was pissed or just didn't want to deal with it at the moment before going to work. I just hate it because we were so into each other and just last week were talking about when we would see each other again. I actually made him tear up at a point when I started to cry (a little) while packing! So I know he liked me a lot and cared about me. Then I go and do this. I'm just hoping he is just sitting on it and punishing me or something..lol..probably wants to enjoy his weekend without any bother and hopefully clear his head. I'm not going to die if he doesn't want to work things out but we've never had a spat before. I would definitely like to work things out. I hope he comes around though..but I won't push it.
madjac74 Posted June 25, 2011 Posted June 25, 2011 Not trying to be a jerk here but just giving you an unbiased guys opinion. You have met only a few times and arent exclusive which is understandeable since its all still very new yet you acted like a jealous, untrusting, irrational psycho girl already? I think you will be very lucky to hear from him again and if you do then he must really like you. So just go ahead and give it some time and see if it happens but dont get mad if you see him on the dating site again. BTW I dont know how dating sites work but my yahoo messenger apparently always lists me as online even when im not there.
Author lipvixen2011 Posted June 25, 2011 Author Posted June 25, 2011 (edited) Ahhh thanks Madjac. Sucks to hear but I hear ya! We've been talking since March and met for the first time in May. Each time I'm there it's a few days or so at a time. Never had any issues either. I've actually had guys get upset with me in the past when they've seen me online because either I was or really wasn't but I had to explain to them how that darn website works. I should have taken my own advice but when you're in a "mood" it doesn't help and hard to be rational sometimes. The last guy I dated for 5 months last year off the site we never had any issues but broke things off because he was waaay too much into partying than I was and I didn't want to take it any further but we are still good friends. We had spats about other things but never thought I was crazy..lol I just don't know. I've spent enough time with him to kind of figure out how he can be. Never has been mean..rarely yells unless he's driving (has bit of road rage) but that's it. When he's with me he's all invested into me and makes sure I have everything I need although I can do for myself. Very comforting. I can tell he has a sensitive side especially being raised by women. So I don't know. Like I said, I'm not going to lose all control if I don't hear from him but I would like to at least hear something or explain to him over the phone instead of the email or that darn text. Normally I'm a cool, calm and collective gal that's goofy and jokes around all the time but ehhh bleh. I'll give it the weekend or so and if he doesn't respond then I'm sure I'll know. Unless he texts me when he gets back in town on the 4th because he knows I'll be there at the time and I was supposed to visit him. He's not out of town yet but will be starting next weekend. Maybe he's also keeping his options open which is totally understandable. Believe me, I'm thinking clearly now. Only time will tell Edited June 25, 2011 by lipvixen2011 Mispelled word
madjac74 Posted June 25, 2011 Posted June 25, 2011 I completely understand. Ive had my share of outbursts that I instantly wish I could take back and it always seems easier to do with text and email and especially when you are in an LDR where things can become misconstrued very quickly simply because you are not there. I've been in an on and off relationship for two years with most of it being long distance and the frustration of it all has made me act out of character on many occassions. I had trust issues from my marriage and from my previous rebound relationship which was pretty much torture when your girlfriend lives 800 miles away. Its actually amazing we are even still talking at this point two years later with all that we have been through so dont give up hope. If he does really like you then he will be back
Author lipvixen2011 Posted June 25, 2011 Author Posted June 25, 2011 (edited) Thank you Mad I really don't want people to think that I'm some pyscho chick that flies off the handle all the time because I'm not. He even told me at one point that he doesn't understand how I can be so relaxed all the time and joyful..lol, I was like "really?" I totally get what you're saying though about the long distance thing. That's why I was hoping people would take that into consideration when reading my post. At times it can get VERY frustrating since you aren't able to just call up that person if there is an issue and say "hey can we meet up, I need to talk to you about something" nope..so sometimes things can get definitely misconstrued. Especially via text. I try to be as trusting as possible and he hasn't given me any reason for me to think otherwise and neither have I to him. All I want to be able to do is go back and not hit that send button. I'm telling you, as soon as I sent it, I felt like I was about to have a hot flash! LOL, I even sat there for a minute looking at the text before I hit the button wondering if I should or not send it. It was like my finger was a magnet connecting with the magnet of the send button! It's not like I was cursing and throwing things around when I saw what I saw, I just simply sat there and looked at his profile, grabbed my phone and typed a very short message all of maybe 3 sentences and hit send. I even woke up the next morning hoping it was all a dream. Better yet nightmare. NOPE. We all make mistakes and I would hope by what I said in my last email yesterday morning he would think things over seeing that we've never had any trouble before and I did mention to him in the last email that for him to put his self in my shoes knowing that I really like and care about him and if he saw me online still after a couple of months dating. Especially when we were only to be dating each other. Again, I know how that site can work. I've been on and off it for quite some time now. Also doesn't help being long distance either. Still nothing which I'm not surprised. Like I said, if he does really care about me like he said he does, he will take some time to think it over, even go on a few dates and maybe just maybe contact when he's gets back in town on the 4th from AZ. I will not chase him since I have already put myself out there. I have that much self control at least. Oy vey! Edited June 25, 2011 by lipvixen2011 mispelled word
Author lipvixen2011 Posted June 25, 2011 Author Posted June 25, 2011 May I also add that I haven't bugged him since that email (if you guys didn't get that from my post) so I have been giving him time to think about things, if that is even what he's doing. Some people will keep texting or calling or emailing..not me. I only responded to the one email yesterday morning he sent telling him I apologized and didn't want things to end. So hopefully I can get some brownie points for that because I know when people keep pressuring me about something especially when it comes to relationship stuff, it pushes me farther away. Just wanted to add that!
madjac74 Posted June 25, 2011 Posted June 25, 2011 I even sat there for a minute looking at the text before I hit the button wondering if I should or not send it. It was like my finger was a magnet connecting with the magnet of the send button! It's not like I was cursing and throwing things around when I saw what I saw, I just simply sat there and looked at his profile, grabbed my phone and typed a very short message all of maybe 3 sentences and hit send. I even woke up the next morning hoping it was all a dream. Better yet nightmare. NOPE. I am guilty of that so many times. Its the curse of being a passionate outspoken person and wanting to tell them exactly how you feel. Once the thought is in your head and on your phone there is no way you cant send it. But she does love me for me and my honesty and your guy will learn to respect and appreciate that even if it pisses him off on occassion
madjac74 Posted June 25, 2011 Posted June 25, 2011 May I also add that I haven't bugged him since that email (if you guys didn't get that from my post) so I have been giving him time to think about things, if that is even what he's doing. Some people will keep texting or calling or emailing..not me. I only responded to the one email yesterday morning he sent telling him I apologized and didn't want things to end. So hopefully I can get some brownie points for that because I know when people keep pressuring me about something especially when it comes to relationship stuff, it pushes me farther away. Just wanted to add that! Haha thats really good. NO one likes someone who wont give you some space. It just looks pathetic and drives the other person away more and if they are that type of person they will walk all over you in the future. Just vent to your friends and on here until you hear from him...thats what i do! My friends know Im fighting with my girlfriend when I talk to them more than usual haha.
Author lipvixen2011 Posted June 25, 2011 Author Posted June 25, 2011 Madjac, I honestly haven't even told anyone what's going on since it just happened the other day. Since he is not local I don't have to broadcast to everyone and have them in my business yah know. Ask me how's it going and so forth. I'd rather not. Hoping that things work themselves out, either way, I only want to speak positive things right now. Instead of my family members or friends throwing in my face "another failed LDR!" Not gonna do it. If things don't work out, I will just tell them getting together and what not was getting harder due to our schedules so we decided to end things..lol I don't know it's a lie but I honestly don't need to hear anymore from them about my LDR's since that's pretty much all I've been in for the past 5 years off and on. The only time I ever got emotional with one of my LDR is my boyfriend that lived in San Diego and I moved in with him. We were together for 2 1/2 years and he cheated on me. So of course I had to tell them what happened and that I was moving back home to the Bay. Anywho, I am going to continue to give him his space which I'm sure I would want to if someone did that to me. Although, I was thinking..breaking the NC just once while I am there just incase I don't hear from him at all and sending him a polite text wishing him a Happy 4th of July and that I would love to see him since I was in town and if not I understand. If he doesn't respond to that then I'll just go on my merry way and if he responds saying it isn't a good idea then I really have nothing to lose since we haven't been together that long anyway. It's not like I would nag him at all beforehand. What do you think though..no harm no foul..it's not like I'm going to be back tracking yah know? If he's done then he's done and I'm sure he will or will not let me know then..if he says no or nothing at all I won't respond and just go on enjoying the rest of my trip. Yay or nay?
madjac74 Posted June 25, 2011 Posted June 25, 2011 Absolutely! Just make it completely impartial and nothing to do about your relationship. My girlfriend and I broke up last year for very serious reasons and I was so mad I went no contact. It lasted 2 weeks (which is a long time for us to not speak) but on my birthday she sent a happy birthday instant message on yahoo and we ended up talking all morning. We didnt talk about our relationship or the reasons we broke up...we just talked and it was great and we realized what we missed for those two weeks. Definitely anyone you have ever cared about never hesitate to just send them a message to see how they are doing whether its friends, lovers, family...you just might make their day!
Author lipvixen2011 Posted June 25, 2011 Author Posted June 25, 2011 (edited) Then that's what I'll do. I'm sure I will be less bothered by next weekend that he hasn't responded or contacted me. He probably figured also that I haven't bothered with him since either trying to get him back (except for that 24 time period when it first happened) which I only texted twice, and emailed twice, one of those times responding to his email. I usually tend to get over things pretty quickly. When you've done the online dating thing plus long distances for a long time, you get used to it and know what to expect. I think this time is different. I feel closer to him and more comfortable more than I did with my ex from last year and me and my ex were together longer and were official. People say "well it's only been 2 months" that's nothing..well, to some it may not be nothing but to me it felt like a year..okay maybe not a year but definitely longer than 2 months! Maybe because we chatted for a few months before even meeting. He's even met my mother and some of my other family members that live in Vegas. I hadn't clicked with someone in so long that I kind of fell head over heels in like with him. I wouldn't call it lust and definitely not love! But I do really like him a lot. He's brought out a side of me that I didn't know I had which is my "softer" side..LOL I know sounds horrible but I'm not really a sensitive person which I'm working on. So that's how I know he's different. Not saying he is "the one" but definitely someone I am not used to dating. So anyway I will try that out next weekend. Maybe on Saturday even though he'll be in Arizona then. Or maybe I'll wait til Sunday, not sure yet. I'm glad I don't drink really all that much anymore because I'm sure I would get a little too tipsy and send him a random annoying text. I'll refrain from doing so at all this weekend and during the week. Again, if he doesn't respond or says no then I'll have my answer. It's not like I can go on saying "but we shared so much together and I thought you really liked me" kind of crap. I just don't want to throw everything away if there may still be a slight chance. I also don't want to go too long without saying anything because he might be thinking I could care less since what I said in the first text. So that time will be my 1st and final contact. Then if all else fails it's back to the dating scene. It's not like I have to take time to move on. The worst he can say is "no"..I'll bank on that for now. My motto is expect the worse, pray for the best. Is that how it goes?? hahah He can't say I've been bothering him or anything since I haven't. I'm just curious why he hasnt responded to the email I last sent yesterday. He can easily tell me that he's moving on and to leave him be. Or maybe he doesn't want to quite tell me yet because he's unsure and wants to enjoy this time and I'm sure he's totally pumped for AZ (Havasu). See, I wasn't even jealous about that and I know allll about Havasu! If I actually liked someone and something like that happened, I would still email them letting them know how I feel either way and not go totally into ignore mode..LOL..ok I'll just keep doing what I'm doing and hope for the best. Thanks Madjac! Edited June 25, 2011 by lipvixen2011 mispelled word
madjac74 Posted June 25, 2011 Posted June 25, 2011 You are welcome but I'm certainly no expert. People give us advice and suggestions all the time about our relationship and they have no understanding what my gf and I go through. They almost disregard our relationship just because we live so far away and it doesnt seem real to them but I would argue that our relationship is stronger than any of my friends local relationships. In the end just do what you feel in your heart is right. Keep yourself busy, send me a message if you need to take your mind off him. There are times when we went days without talking and when its someone you talk to all day, every day it can be almost maddening to not contact them. I know your relationship may not be to that extent yet but its still not easy when you have such strong feelings for them.
Author lipvixen2011 Posted June 26, 2011 Author Posted June 26, 2011 I totally understand what you're saying. No one understands unless they've been there themselves how LDR's work and you're right, I've had stronger connections with a person in a different state then people that lived together! You spend more time getting to know them over them (those countless hours into the wee hours of the morning) and when you do see eachother, you're pretty much together 24/7. I don't know..I did feel really close to this guy. I'm guessing he's just either done with me or punishing the hell out of me. I haven't heard from him yet so it's been 2 days without any contact? I know it's not a lot but it sures feels like it when you're used to talking to that person at least once a day. I'm okay which I knew I would be but I don't want to be ok! LOL..I want him and I'm STILL kicking myself in the ass for sending that damn text. It replays in my head over and over again like that Nelly and Tim McGraw song! hahah..Oh well, I'll still send the polite text next week and we'll go from there. Either way I'm still okay and still going to have a great time while I'm there!
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