KOH Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 we weren't in any serious relatioship if that's relevant, it was only for a month something & then I broke up with her (long story). the cousin (the one I just asked out) doesn't know that the ex is throwing a fit, I guess the ex is embarassed or something, she told me not to tell her that "I" broke up with her, we just "agreed we shouldn't go out", which I don't mind, but now she's causing trouble & doesn't want me to go out with her, she says I can be her friend but not date her. so which side do you agree with?
iJester Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 Here you go again, being a little pussy. Tell her to piss off, you'll do as you please. Date her cousin, and try to make a positive relationship of it. Tell you ex to stop contacting you for any reason. By the same token, stop answering her.
Author KOH Posted June 24, 2011 Author Posted June 24, 2011 Here you go again, being a little pussy. Tell her to piss off, you'll do as you please. Date her cousin, and try to make a positive relationship of it. Tell you ex to stop contacting you for any reason. By the same token, stop answering her. I was just wondering if I was about to enter a semi-incestual relationship or something, so I thought that maybe she's right & I wanted some opinion on the matter.
iJester Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 How is that semi-incestuous? At any point, are you having sex with a blood relative of yours? Tell this girl to piss off, and enjoy your next relationship.
Author KOH Posted June 24, 2011 Author Posted June 24, 2011 How is that semi-incestuous? At any point, are you having sex with a blood relative of yours? Tell this girl to piss off, and enjoy your next relationship. I guess you're right, she's been feeding me BS about how its "gross" to go out with a relative of an ex & how incestuous that is.
iJester Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 Cease contact with her. Just stop answering anything she sends.
Lady vs Panda Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 Did you have sex with her? I can understand being uncomfortable with that, maybe even just with serious making out. I have cousins who are almost as close to me as my sisters, and we would all be very weirded out to find out that a man we slept with had also slept with one of the other cousins. It wouldn't actually be incestuous, but it would feel awkward and kind of gross. It sounds like these cousins are not as close, since she doesn't want her to know that you dumped her, so this could possibly bring up trouble in the family: insecurity, jealousy, inevitable comparisons, oneupmanship. She probably wants to avoid this turmoil in her family. I think it's usually better to not keep dipping into the same family pool, but there's no law against it if it's what you really want to do and if you just don't care about your ex's feelings about it. Obviously she feels bad about it and possibly isn't over you yet.
Author KOH Posted June 24, 2011 Author Posted June 24, 2011 Cease contact with her. Just stop answering anything she sends. I wasn't really answering her calls & texts, but she's been calling me using a different cell number every time so its hard to tell if it was her or not. I'll just tell her if she calls me again, I'll tell her cousin that I broke up with her.
Author KOH Posted June 24, 2011 Author Posted June 24, 2011 Did you have sex with her? I can understand being uncomfortable with that, maybe even just with serious making out. I have cousins who are almost as close to me as my sisters, and we would all be very weirded out to find out that a man we slept with had also slept with one of the other cousins. It wouldn't actually be incestuous, but it would feel awkward and kind of gross. It sounds like these cousins are not as close, since she doesn't want her to know that you dumped her, so this could possibly bring up trouble in the family: insecurity, jealousy, inevitable comparisons, oneupmanship. She probably wants to avoid this turmoil in her family. I think it's usually better to not keep dipping into the same family pool, but there's no law against it if it's what you really want to do and if you just don't care about your ex's feelings about it. Obviously she feels bad about it and possibly isn't over you yet. yeah, we had sex early, & she got attached too quick too, I think maybe its not that she doesn't want me to go out with her cousin but she wants me back? I don't know.
Lady vs Panda Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 She might want you back, I don't know. It's very possible, it sounds like you hurt her when you broke up with her and she is not finished dealing with that. But even if I was over it, I still would not be comfortable with one of my exes dating one of my cousins or sisters. A man I dated casually would be no big deal, but someone I thought I had felt something for, someone I had been naked and sexual with...it would feel wrong and disturbing for him to be naked and sexual with other people in my family, too. Is that really hard for you to understand? I think it's probably a pretty common reaction.
vsmini Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 Don't count on the cousin being that thrilled about getting into something serious with you. I'm sure she'll figure out that her cousin is your ex and that her cousin is PISSED about it. Doesn't mean she has to stop dating you but it's a pain to start a relationship with so much baggage - especially an ex that still contacts you...let alone that ex being related to her
Author KOH Posted June 24, 2011 Author Posted June 24, 2011 She might want you back, I don't know. It's very possible, it sounds like you hurt her when you broke up with her and she is not finished dealing with that. But even if I was over it, I still would not be comfortable with one of my exes dating one of my cousins or sisters. A man I dated casually would be no big deal, but someone I thought I had felt something for, someone I had been naked and sexual with...it would feel wrong and disturbing for him to be naked and sexual with other people in my family, too. Is that really hard for you to understand? I think it's probably a pretty common reaction. but we've gone out for only one month so it wasn't serious (to me at least), I do get your point, but unless we were married or together for 2+ years, she doesn't have a right to tell me not to date her cousin.
Author KOH Posted June 24, 2011 Author Posted June 24, 2011 Don't count on the cousin being that thrilled about getting into something serious with you. I'm sure she'll figure out that her cousin is your ex and that her cousin is PISSED about it. Doesn't mean she has to stop dating you but it's a pain to start a relationship with so much baggage - especially an ex that still contacts you...let alone that ex being related to her she knows that her cousin is my ex, she just doesn't know any other details, as for your second point, I'm not exactly looking for a soulmate.
vsmini Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 but we've gone out for only one month so it wasn't serious (to me at least), I do get your point, but unless we were married or together for 2+ years, she doesn't have a right to tell me not to date her cousin. I don't know - if I was together with a guy for 6+ months - that's long enough to really get to know someone and establish some intimacy. I don't know why it has to be for 2 years. It's not a good idea. Especially with her being pissed - does she own you? No way...but...things could get nasty.
iJester Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 If you are going to date her cousin, you should tell her the truth, so that this ex doesn't out you in a lie down the road. Tell her that you two dated for a month, you didn't see it going anywhere, so to avoid leading her on you ended it. Just tell the truth, from the beginning, avoid the ex and you will be fine. And next time the ex calls you, hang up.
Author KOH Posted June 24, 2011 Author Posted June 24, 2011 I don't know - if I was together with a guy for 6+ months - that's long enough to really get to know someone and establish some intimacy. I don't know why it has to be for 2 years. It's not a good idea. Especially with her being pissed - does she own you? No way...but...things could get nasty. yeah, six months may be long enough, but one month? that's like 30 days, during that span we had dinner just four times & had sex less than 10 times.
Author KOH Posted June 24, 2011 Author Posted June 24, 2011 If you are going to date her cousin, you should tell her the truth, so that this ex doesn't out you in a lie down the road. Tell her that you two dated for a month, you didn't see it going anywhere, so to avoid leading her on you ended it. Just tell the truth, from the beginning, avoid the ex and you will be fine. And next time the ex calls you, hang up. she does know that I'm her cousin's ex, & I doubt that the ex would tell her all the details since she's the one begging me not to tell her.
Silivren Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 Well I can understand how she might be upset. To YOU it was only a month and a bit and it didn't mean much - but to HER maybe she had feelings developing (you did mention that she got attached really quick) and maybe it hurts her feelings that you are after her cousin. Also - maybe she's looking out for her cousin. I mean, if I had a guy I liked have sex with me then dump me, I would warn my cousin to steer clear because I wouldn't want to see her hurt like me.
iJester Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 Then you should be all set. Use your plan of of threatening to tell your ex's cousin what really happened if she doesn't leave you alone. Tell her to just get over it and stay out of your life/business.
Author KOH Posted June 24, 2011 Author Posted June 24, 2011 Then you should be all set. Use your plan of of threatening to tell your ex's cousin what really happened if she doesn't leave you alone. Tell her to just get over it and stay out of your life/business. that's probably the plan, I think it'll work since she sounded really embarassed (dunno why) when she begged me not to tell her that I dumped her, maybe she was never dumped before cause everyone drools over her wherever she goes.
Lady vs Panda Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 You had sex multiple times. You said yourself she was attached. For her, it was intimate, and she is hurt that you're dipping back in her family pool. It's understandable. As I said, you can go for the cousin if it's what you really want...no, maybe you don't technically owe her anything and obviously there's not much she can really do about it...but you must do it with the full knowledge that you are choosing to step all over your ex's feelings twice in a row, because you don't really care about her. It's pretty cold. I would choose not to F up somebody's family especially if I wasn't even looking for a serious love relationship. And if I was her cousin, you not caring about the ex', my family's feelings at all would make you unattractive to me. But it seems this cousin is okay with it, so I guess you have green lights.
Author KOH Posted June 24, 2011 Author Posted June 24, 2011 (edited) You had sex multiple times. You said yourself she was attached. For her, it was intimate, and she is hurt that you're dipping back in her family pool. It's understandable. As I said, you can go for the cousin if it's what you really want...no, maybe you don't technically owe her anything and obviously there's not much she can really do about it...but you must do it with the full knowledge that you are choosing to step all over your ex's feelings twice in a row, because you don't really care about her. It's pretty cold. I would choose not to F up somebody's family especially if I wasn't even looking for a serious love relationship. And if I was her cousin, you not caring about the ex', my family's feelings at all would make you unattractive to me. But it seems this cousin is okay with it, so I guess you have green lights. her family are kinda the hot/dumb type (except her nerdy brother), so I don't think she's thinking too much into it, she's probably acting out without knowing what she's talking about. EDIT: & her cousin isn't too bright either, so I doubt she's thinking too much into it. Edited June 24, 2011 by KOH
Silivren Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 her family are kinda the hot/dumb type (except her nerdy brother), so I don't think she's thinking too much into it, she's probably acting out without knowing what she's talking about. EDIT: & her cousin isn't too bright either, so I doubt she's thinking too much into it. Wow. Just read your other thread and you broke up with this girl yesterday!! Now you're already trying to horn in on her cousin!! And how charming, I love how you call them hot/dumb. You are just trying to use this poor girl for a cheap thrill and you'll toss her aside like you did your gf. You are seriously lacking empathy! If I knew these girls, I'd call the cousin myself and tell her to steer clear of you!!
Lady vs Panda Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 Even women who are dumb can get their feelings hurt. They just have a harder time articulating it. You don't seem to care about either of them, you just want to get laid. Maybe get some bro bonus points for double dipping in a family? Like I said, it's cold. In my opinion, this is the kind of thing that makes people lose respect for themselves, as they lose a little bit of their personal integrity.
vsmini Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 her family are kinda the hot/dumb type (except her nerdy brother), so I don't think she's thinking too much into it, she's probably acting out without knowing what she's talking about. EDIT: & her cousin isn't too bright either, so I doubt she's thinking too much into it. So basically you're already insulting the next girl you plan on dating. You're just creating drama with this entire situation.
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