robaday Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 Hey, Got broken up with 2 months ago. It was mutual, we wanted different things etc etc. I wanted out from 3 months previous to the break up, was unhappy, desperately unhappy but didn't have the self awareness to finish it nor stay. Put her through hell and the ringer. I liked her a lot, but things just spiralled out of control, arguments, jealousy, total lack of trust on both our parts. It wasn't a good relationship. But I miss her. A lot. And part of me really doesn't want to let it go. But I know it can't work. And that's what is so devastating. We tried for so long, loved each other, but it never worked. How can I move on. I'm heartbroken, but don't want her back. I know moving on is for the best, we were no good for each other, but my heart is not aligned with my brain right now. I'd like to see her one last time. We're on good terms, but we both know it cant work. Let it go, forever? Can we be friends as it was mutual?
Karala Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 I'm in the same boat. It sucks. Forget about seeing her one last time. You'll always want to see her one last time again because ultimately it hurts you to have to let her go. But you know what you gotta do. You just gotta do it. You probably can't be friends for now either, because the romantic attachment is still too strong. Maybe some time in the future. The sooner you get over her, the sooner you can have her in your life again as a friend. Kudos to you for having the awareness and courage to want out of an unsatisfying relationship, by the way.
shortee143 Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 "my heart is not aligned with my brain right now." that's exactly what it is. You know what is right, but getting it all in sync is another story. Give it time...it'll fall into place. But doesn't mean it isnt going to hurt going thru the motions of moving on. Acceptance of it will come in due time, hang in there. Sometimes I have to wonder if (civil) mutual breakups tend to be extra hard, bc both people want out, but its a matter of things sometimes that are out of their control. Sometimes no matter how much you care or want it- you just know for whatever reasons, it cant be. Can you be friends and move on? Sure. Is is easy? Heck no. If you are on good terms, than more props to you and your ex, but if your struggling to move on, maybe give it some more time before seeing her again.
Author robaday Posted June 24, 2011 Author Posted June 24, 2011 Thanks for your kind words. And your right too - mutual break up seems to be even harder. Ive had a couple of not so mutual break ups in the past and it was easy to pin blame, or hate the other person. This time I cant and wont, because it wasn't her fault nor mine. The in love feeling had gone for me. But there was still an underlying love, an appreciation of who she was, there was still an awful lot of caring there. And Im struggling. I have emerged out of this a better person, have respected her right to move on by not contacting her, and have not raised a negative word at her nor toward her. I was a little weak for not breaking it off sooner. It was one of those where you know theyre an amazing person but your not feeling it for whatever reason. I stuck it out rightly or wrongly, 50% knowing it was wrong, 50% hoping beyond anything that it would get better.
shortee143 Posted June 25, 2011 Posted June 25, 2011 Well, I know your hurting, but you sound rather mature minded, and level headed about all this. As cliche as it is, time is your best friend, no matter the circumstance. I see my ex often and even I am making progress as time passes...you'll get there, your already on your way by ending it and knowing it was best, now you'll just go thur the motions of accepting it all fully.
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