ShoeGurl1973 Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 It's been right at 3 months now since my breakup. Im amazed at how far I come. I can think about my relationship without feeling like crying now. Im still hurt at the insulting and angry way he broke it off, and i feel like everything happened on his terms, giving me no chance to say anything. But what is one to do... Mornings, however, are the worst. My alarm goes off and I feel paralyzed and unable to literally do anything. If you told me a bus could run me over at 8am, I'd probably agree to it. Once I get up and get to work, Im a compeltely different person though. What is it about mornings, when everything rushes into your head the moment you wake up and it hits you like the breakup just happened yesterday? Anyone else have that problem? And question - after my ex broke it off, a month later he sent the random apology texts and said he still loved me. I told him too much damage had been done and never to contact me again. Do you think it bothers him that I told him not to speak to me anymore? I heard from a friend he said " I tried to apologize but she told me never to talk to her again" like it was all my fault I wasn't being accomodating. It kind of pissed me off. Grrrrr.
thelovingkind Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 I know the dreaded morning experience too well. Often I'll be having a pleasant dream and as I feel myself starting to rise through the layers of unconsciousness toward waking I grasp every last shred of the dreaming experience I can and ride them while it lasts. Once I'm fully awake then the feelings for my ex just rush into my mind at once. The worst thing is knowing that you haven't even made it two minutes into the day without experiencing some form of resentment, confusion, anger, loneliness and sadness. Then I find myself thinking: Great, one more day of not being over someone who was over you before any of this hurt was even set in motion.
oldguy Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 Three months and still feeling paralyzed when you wake up. It sounds like you where traumatized both by what you said about the breakup & in how you still feel from it. The good news is you have noticed significant progress since. If your sleeping well through the night that is also important. Do you have a good social network. It sounds like your able to do your job with out being distracted & that's a great escape but it also sounds like you need a good friend, or friends who you can talk to, and what I mean by talk to in this case is; people who are good listeners. It sounds like your on a good path & your healing, it just sounds like the wound was deep. Best of luck.
shortee143 Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 I feel the same sometimes, that is why I try to make it a point to not lay in bed once I am awake. I find that's when I just lay there, and my mind wanders to him. I am 3 months out as well, and I am in contact with him often due to mutual friends, but it has been a process, and I'm still going, but I've def made progress too. My issue (aside of course from seeing him, and w other girls, yuck) is the hurt I carry. I am ok- but my mind just wanders back to how insensitive and uncaring he was and how bad he hurt me. I think you were wise to tell him, at least for now, the damage has been done, and there is no need for him to contact you. It is tough to just put the hurt aside like all is fine (my ex expects me to do that, puhleaseee). He made his bed, now he can sleep in it!
Author ShoeGurl1973 Posted June 24, 2011 Author Posted June 24, 2011 Shortee - how do you manage to handle being around him with mutual friends? I admit, that's one thing Im not strong enough to do. My thoughts right now are along the lines of "I don't want to be anywhere where I will share the same oxygen as him". We have many mutual friends, several have reached out to me and hung out with me (even his bestest guy friends) since then, which I am very appreciative. I was so worried everyone would be loyal to him, but i have learned most think he is in "F**K his life up" mode and is having personal issue that really have nothing to do with me, although he seems to come up with many reason to make it look like the breakup was justified. I have no desire whatsoever to be around him and if I have to sacrifice being around certain friends to do so, then that is what I have to do for myself. Sounds as if we have similar situations - our exes were very nasty at the end. I have no idea where his anger and hostility came from but I didn't know who he was and he hurt me deeply. You can't take words back. I'd probably have an easier time getting passed this if he had hit me, quite honestly. I admire you for being able to see him, especially with other girls - not sure I am that strong.
Kazmi Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 (edited) I'm 5 month after the breakup and when I wake in the morning I feel like **** . Sometime without even dreaming of my ex! It's like my mind keeps thinking of him and processing information and when I wake up I get all these thoughts running in my head (sometime weird thoughts, sometimes thoughts of him that I disagree with and that I already came to peace with, sometimes good thoughts that make me miss him HORRIBLY). After I manage to get up I feel better... The morning are always hard, it's like I'm a different person. I guess it's normal then? I'm sure it would go away... Two month ago it was even worse, those thoughts sometimes made me tear... Edited June 24, 2011 by Kazmi
shortee143 Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 shoegurl- I was thinking the same as I was just reading this..sounds similar to me. I'm glad to hear your mutual friends didnt shut you out! Mine said the same about my ex, that he is in the mode where he doesnt care, wants to sleep around, be immature, party...and in turn, he gave up a good girl. He broke up with me over the phone, and the only reason I ever got was "i dont want to be in a relationship" (poor reason dude!). I hate seeing him, I really do. It is really hard, I avoided seeing him at mutual events for the first month, but I just didnt want him to succeed in ruining my social life too, he's done enough damage. Def became so heartless after he broke up with me. didnt care that it hurt seeing him bc we had mutual friends , he even lives with some of my closest friends, i have had to see him with girls, heard him have sex, hear about girls hes seeing, etc- but I feel if I can get thru this, than I'm a tough gal! haha. It's hard- but I'm going to keep at it the best I can. In a weird way- it gives me strength to move forward seeing him act so heartlessly. I'm sorry your ex treated you bad- I dont understand why when people decide they want to breakup, the respect just goes out the window. Breakups are so tough , so in a relationship where the dumpee didnt do anything awful (cheat, lie, abuse), how can the dumper just have no heart all of a sudden? I can handle a breakup- but do it with some dignity or empathy! hang in there!
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