Abused and mentally scarred

[Starleena]

Maybe someone out there can help me. I think I'm traumatized. I'm not sure.

 

 

Here's the story of what I went through.. it's going to be long lol.

 

I was abused for 4 years. Don't ask me why I stayed. I'm not sure. I think I enjoyed him being controlling, obsessive and possessive over me.. he was really sweet at first, clingy... but then the name calling started, the pushing and shoving and then the beatings. I think a combination of me having low self-esteem and hoping he would change had a lot to do with it. I'm very disappointed in myself because the beatings didn't teach me a lesson. We broke up basically every weekend due to him drinking and hitting me, I would run out of his house and jump in a cab and go home. I would try my hardest to ignore his calls but then he'd stalk me and tell me he was sorry, he loves me, blablabla you know the drill. I always went back. I expected a few times while we broke up, he had seen other girls that were basically just for something for him to "put it in" until we got back together. There really wasn't much I could say or do because we were broken up. That was always his excuse "We were broken up so really it's not cheating" .. he made me feel so insecure of losing him to the other girl so I would ask him to tell the girl on the phone righ tin front of me that it's over and he's sorry, then we could "start fresh" on our relationship again. I swear he got a thrill out of hurting the other girl on the phone, he had a grin telling her it's over. We broke up for about a couple of weeks after another argument/domestic violence weekend, I went crawling back as usual. I started to notice a change in his drinking. Instead of drinking on the weekends like he usually does, he was drinking every day. He was not as close to me as he usually was, almost like the life was sucked out of him. Being in the middle of it all, being abused... I assumed I did something wrong so it was his way of "teaching me a lesson". We were beyong rocky for months, he was a mess. I noticed he never wanted me to go to his house anymore either. I went from basically sleeping there every night to him never wanting me there anymore. His cell phone magically disappeared. One day while I was on the phone with him, his other line kept beeping but constantly so I knew right away ok great, another girl is involved.. he kept ignoring it, I told him your voice is cutting in and out I know someone is on the other line pick it up. He played stupid and said what are you talking about, you're hearing things. This girl called all night until about 3am in the morning and I guess she finally gave up. The same thing happened the next day, finally he clicked over. Never came back on the other line to speak to me so I called him and he was crying. I asked what was wrong and he said if he told me I'd be gone for good so he doesn't want to tell me. I got him to crack. He told me he fu#*ed up and a girl he had a one night stand with is pregnant. I asked how how far along she is, he said 8 months. I was crushed. That hurt me more than the physically abuse. 8 months and never told me. He had the nerve to ignore her for 8 months. He was hoping she would of just aborted it but what she ended up doing was keeping her baby and just letting him know when she was basically close to her due date....

 

I had a rough time with it all. Luckily that taught me a lesson. I said my goodbyes and raged on him for once. I never spoke to him ever again, I haven't seen him since. I was in shock for 2 days, shaking and crying. After a week I started to feel better. He actually had the nerve to send me an email calling me a whore because I've been ignoring him... meanwhile he's the one that has been sleeping around and getting someone pregnant hence why I'm ignoring it. That made me realize how much of a psycho he is.

 

I had nightmares for months about him. Not the abuse but basically him and another girl. I woke up in sweats and all shocked. The nightmares stopped after a while. Now it's been 6 years. I am HAPPILY married with a beautiful daughter. I still have awful dreams about my ex, sometimes I think about him but only the abuse. A lot of my friends think I'll never forget because it was such a traumatic experience I went through?

What do you think? How long have you been "away/separated" from your abusive ex? Do you think of the abuse at all? Are you still scared? Are you having dreams or nightmares about him/her?

Edited June 24, 2011 by Starleena

[bigmomma1974]

have you seeked help for the abuse he put your through? If not maybe you need to. I havent ever been hit but i have been emotionally abused by an ex and it still gets to me at times and its been 15 yrs.I havetalked this over with a therapist and it has helped alot. 4 years is along time to be with someone who abused you pysically and mentally and emotionally and it probably will stay with you for life but you can deal with all those emotions that come with it and let it go.

[Starleena]

I've been seeing a counselor. She told me every time I think of him, picture yourself pushing him away on a boat or closing the door on him. It's helped a lot with the thoughts of him but I don't think the dreams will ever stop.

[Karmababe]

I can tell you ... work on your self-esteem .. Had an abusive boyfriend in college and into a marriage with another .. it takes work to get over .. real insightful work about what you deserve and need ... don't settle.

[Karmababe]

PS, the dreams will stop with time .. had them six years into the marriage.

YOU work on you .. until you uncover that demon it won't happen.

[Starleena]

PS, the dreams will stop with time .. had them six years into the marriage.

YOU work on you .. until you uncover that demon it won't happen.

 

Thank you.

[voiceless]

Hi Starlina,

You replied to my post about my abusive bf and I really appreciated your words. I do know a bit about healing from trauma, and it can be done, in many ways depending on your belief system and what you are open to.

Here is what I know:

When we go through something traumatic,our body/soul disassociates to keep us safe. This is basically is our body's way of protecting us from the harm we endure. This is what causes many abuse victims to have little to no memories of what happened to them.

In order to heal from this many people go to see a therapist. A friend of mine found that hynotherapy worked wonders for her.

I would suggest looking up the term soul retrival. It is an ancient form of healing that involves traumatized soul parts being returned back to the body. Not sure if you're open to that but if at times you feel empty this can truly help you.

Congratulations on your happiness and loving relationship, now it is time to dig deep and heal those wounds. Question, is there a specific event that spurs the thoughts and dreams or oes it seem random?

[fallenenvy]

aw hunny im so sorry to hear your story. That is sad, but i am so proud of you for getting out.. even if it did take some time.

 

I was with an abbusive guy for a year that repeadily beat and raped me. I finally got the nerve to get away and ignore his calls and texts. I'm a better woman for it. I can't say i was taught anything from the experience except you never know what you will truly do until you get into that situation.. and perhaps how to appreciate a really good man after having such a rotten one.

 

Its been 4 years for me and i still think about it sometimes. Not so much him but the things he did to me. Makes my stomach tighten up.. hurts.. the dreams are rare but i get them time to time. It seems like some places i go remind me of him and therefor the things he did so i try to avoid those places.

 

I wish you all the luck in the world to feel better and move past that son of a bitch.

 

~Fallen Envy

[Starleena]

Hi Starlina,

You replied to my post about my abusive bf and I really appreciated your words. I do know a bit about healing from trauma, and it can be done, in many ways depending on your belief system and what you are open to.

Here is what I know:

When we go through something traumatic,our body/soul disassociates to keep us safe. This is basically is our body's way of protecting us from the harm we endure. This is what causes many abuse victims to have little to no memories of what happened to them.

In order to heal from this many people go to see a therapist. A friend of mine found that hynotherapy worked wonders for her.

I would suggest looking up the term soul retrival. It is an ancient form of healing that involves traumatized soul parts being returned back to the body. Not sure if you're open to that but if at times you feel empty this can truly help you.

Congratulations on your happiness and loving relationship, now it is time to dig deep and heal those wounds. Question, is there a specific event that spurs the thoughts and dreams or oes it seem random?

 

It seems to be random, so are the dreams. The worst time is before I fall asleep in my bed. I think about him and the abuse. I guess that is causing bad dreams about him once in a while. I'm tearing now just typing this out. I hate him but I don't want to hate him anymore because the longer I think of him and hate him the longer he still has power over me. It feels that way anyway.

[Starleena]

aw hunny im so sorry to hear your story. That is sad, but i am so proud of you for getting out.. even if it did take some time.

 

I was with an abbusive guy for a year that repeadily beat and raped me. I finally got the nerve to get away and ignore his calls and texts. I'm a better woman for it. I can't say i was taught anything from the experience except you never know what you will truly do until you get into that situation.. and perhaps how to appreciate a really good man after having such a rotten one.

 

Its been 4 years for me and i still think about it sometimes. Not so much him but the things he did to me. Makes my stomach tighten up.. hurts.. the dreams are rare but i get them time to time. It seems like some places i go remind me of him and therefor the things he did so i try to avoid those places.

 

I wish you all the luck in the world to feel better and move past that son of a bitch.

 

~Fallen Envy

 

Thank you for your kind words.

I know how hard it is dealing with a past full of horrible memories.