MissMoni Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 Due to some introspection during my last 8 months of singleness, I have come to realize that I was too "nice" during my relationship. Really, I was a pushover. I tried to express my feelings, but whenever he wouldn't agree I would just try to please him and do nice things for him, hoping that one day he would care for me as much as I loved him. Now, I see how flawed this kind of thinking is and was and have started reading two books, The Disease to Please, and Codependent No More, to get my mind straight, as well as not talking to my ex (it's been one month complete NC now.) His birthday is this weekend, and I have also decided (thanks to posts from Karala, and geegirl, and WTRanger) not to contact him at all. It's about time I start to heal. My question is this: For 8 months, with brief periods of NC ranging from 2 months to 3 months interspersed in between, I tried to talk to my ex. I never begged him (except when he was breaking up with me), but I have called him twice after the breakup, and sent him friendly texts (nothing about the relationship). Looking back at this, I am disgusted with myself. I cannot believe I continued to contact (even after he ignored me at times) this boy, continued to try to be apart of his life as a "friend". I cared about him so much that I was completely devastated by our breakup and didn't understand how I could be without him in my life at all. I tried not to be a bother, but I contacted him on Christmas, Thanksgiving, and New Years. He has, over time, as expected, showed little interest in being close friends, which I have accepted. How do I get over the embarrassment of doing this? I know that I am worth so much more than anything he could give me, I have a lot of things going for me right now, and there is no way I should have chased after him like I did. I feel like I don't even know who he is anymore, which is sad because we did date for so long. I can't keep but thinking, if maybe I had just done NC from the beginning, would he realize what he lost...how can I get over this horrible feeling over feeling like a loser for not being able to let go until now...I feel like this makes me psycho.. I dated this guy for 2 years, and fell in love. According to him, he never loved me, he was too young to know what love was, we weren't right for eachother, blah blah. I really cared about him and I still do. As much as it hurts to cut all contact, I know that there's really nothing else I can do.
DoubleRainbow Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 but I contacted him on Christmas, Thanksgiving, and New Years. He has, over time, as expected, showed little interest in being close friends, which I have accepted. How do I get over the embarrassment of doing this? . You had been a little too good for him...and he did not deserve you. Period!!! I feel its easy to get into a relationship after being close friends but not vise versa! You cared for him: that was your karma, he did not respond: that was his. NO NEED TO FEEL EMBARRASED...BUT YOU NEED TO TAKE A STAND, NOW!! Do not contact him for his birthday, its hard when you have loved him so much...I m sure you might be wondering at times"does he ever miss me/ think about me?" Answer: probably not...otherwise he would have contacted you. Good luck!!
nikkinicole36 Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 The easiest and hardest way to get over the embarrassment you have is this simple thing: Forgive yourself. It's okay for you to say to yourself that you made an error in judgment in your choice of your ex. It's okay to just forgive yourself for not taking care of yourself in the past and doing all the things you should have been doing to protect yourself. I just really struck upon that simple concept today while reading a post over at this site: http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/ It's a great website for women trying to overcome codependency issues. I don't usually plug sites, but this one has helped me a lot.
scarlett27 Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 you should be so proud of urself , and i love the fact u have LEARNED from this and are reading self help books , stay strong , do not contact him youo were far too good for him in the first place hunnny!
AlisaMarie Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 you should be so proud of urself , and i love the fact u have LEARNED from this and are reading self help books , stay strong , do not contact him youo were far too good for him in the first place hunnny! Yes, be proud, not embarrassed... you are not repeated the same mistake over and over. Who cares about his birthday so move on like you have.
Author MissMoni Posted June 24, 2011 Author Posted June 24, 2011 Thanks guys, I am trying to just take this and move on but part of me wonders how someone supposedly who CARED could just let me stroke his ego like that. It seems cruel. He could have at least said, "I don't want to be friends at all, I don't want to talk to you." But he didn't. So I thought there was a chance we could be friends. In addition, most embarrassingly, when we broke up he told me that I had always liked him more than he liked me...but how could this be true dating for so long? I just don't get it. I need to cut him out, I know there are answers I will never know..but it disturbs me that you can know someone one day and the next day they be a completely different person.
sleepykitten Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 Hi. I hear you! Totally understand and can relate in fact i have just broken nc which i intitiated, and backtracked on an invite i had withdrew to a concert=i got tickets for his birthday and felt too guilty not taking him, missed him all that rubbish. Now we are going together, at least i suppose i had the sense to ask him to now pay for his ticket. But i am cross with myself for breaking nc, although the conversation was fine i know this is setting me up for a fall somewhere along the line. I feel like i have no agenda, know its over, and for the best etc, but i know how this stuff works and it will only take him being distant, telling me about a new date and i'll be back to square one-again. Hopefully though i have gained some strength this past week or so and wont go back to the wreck i was. My b/f also started off so lovely and wonderful but couldnt sustain it and became distant, different and couldnt tell me any reason why, and i felt liek i was dating a totally different person in the end!
scarlett27 Posted June 25, 2011 Posted June 25, 2011 Hi hun MY boyfriend did this too said to me you loved me more then i loved u and was more keen ( yet HE had been the one who insisted we move in honestly you are better off without this jerk x
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