Ginger Beer Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 There was another thread like this but I can't find it. Feel free to merge. - You lie. - You told me things just to be nice, even if they weren't true. - You forgot to text me on my birthday. - You complimented boys in front of me after I told you it hurt me. - You beg for attention from boys even though I said you were beautiful. - You kept trying to get your ex back while with me. - You asked me to commit to you when you considered it a friendship. - You only cared about yourself. - You are a slag. - Your friends are also slags. - You drink too much. - You choose party islands to go to on holiday. - Your taste in music depends on if you find the artist attractive. - Your taste in music is also utter ****. - You changed your mind and never told me. - You were never there for me when I needed you. - You strung me along. - You never made me feel special. - You never introduced me to your friends. - You make me compare myself to your ex which makes me feel ****. - You told me all the stuff you did for your ex when we were friends and when we were together you never did anything nice for me. - You told me I'm perfect then when I replied you stopped being loving. - You bitch about your friends to me. - You have no loyalty. - You have low self-esteem. - You are way too materialistic. - You give out your BB pin to boys. - You add random boys to your Facebook. - You constantly mentioned your ex to me. - You told me I'll always be special to you then you date other boys straight after. - You love it when I get jealous.
scarlett27 Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 you never took me on a proper date we sat round ur house u had a low sex drive i done all the chasing u always kept me dangling waiting for ur texts u lied u drank too much u had a hairy back u didnt brush teeth before bed u got impatient u never offered me petrol money when i done all our driving u were a prat why do i even care lol
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 I have a better list for ya... The things I LIKE about my ex: um................................. <crickets chirp>
TheHurtProcess Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 That's quite a list, Ginger. I'll be sure to post mine when I've finished... If I ever finish. I just can't stop thinking of "Cons", when I only have a few "Pros", haha. WTF was I thinking?
TheHurtProcess Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 I have a better list for ya... The things I LIKE about my ex: um................................. <crickets chirp> HAHAHA! That thread would die before it even hit the board.
Mack05 Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 (edited) Ginger I don't think that going over your ex's fault's is going to help you going forward. I used to do this, but I noticed I kept making the same mistakes in the next relationship. This time again, I started focusing on my ex but now I have stopped. Why? Because how is it going to help me going forward? Instead, I wrote a list of my mistakes, things I did wrong/regret and faults on a word doc (Emotional Abuse, Lied, Broke promises, tried to change her, manipulated, reacted and said things I didn't mean, insecurities etc etc etc). I also did it for my other relationships. Instead of saying I am going to change (and then make the same mistakes) and saying I'm not going do those things again, I am actually making sure I don't. There are no excuses for not working on your own personality flaw's. Focusing on her will not help you mate. Turn this inwards and you will be a better man going forward... Edited June 24, 2011 by Mack05
nini Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 Things I hate about him: - No sense of humour - Didnt get me/or my sense of humour - Never asked about how my family's wellbeing despite me always asking about his and in fact buying gifts so all of them (mum, dad, sister) on all occassions - We went out of eat loads...but not once did he say 'Hey baby get ready, I'm taking you somewhere nice tonight'...I had to do all the planning - Always moaned/whinged about everyone, his mum, his sister, his job, his boss. - Showed me pictures of him and his ex going out, having fun etc. which despite 4 years, I havent been able to erase from my mind. - Has no friends - Blames everything on me, all his weaknesses/faults are because I cause them: 'Can't quit smoking coz you're always fighting me, can't finish PhD coz you're always fighting me, don't have any friends coz you're always fighting me, don't have any time coz you're always fighting me, can't groom myself coz you're always fighting me'. It takes 2 ppl to fight, guess he'll never admit that. - Always thinks he's right, his thinking is right, everyone else is wrong. - When I talk to him about my feelings/problems, his response is to offer solutions on how I'm not treating the situation correctly rather than listen. - Hate him for changing so much...from an easygoing/flexible/loving guy...to someone who feels that everytime I suggest something, I'm criticising... I hate myself for: - Being so needy - Not taking time to understand/enjoy the relationship, instead wanting to marry him from day 1. Everytime he did something I thought was out of order, I'd cry and sulk because in my head I'd extrapolate it and say well this is what my life with this guy will be like. Big mistake! - Always comparing myself to his ex-gf (I only started doing this once I found out he had cheated on me with her and it was only after I found out that he broke up with her 'properly') - Not thinking straight, not having the confidence in myself - Not acting right, I must admit I acted like a proper psycho 1000 times in the relationship...no wonder the guy who absolutely adored/worshipped me decided life with me just isnt worth it. What I'm trying to do now: - Focus on my exams which are in a month's time - Focus on thinking better...reminding myself every day that I'm human, I made a mistake, I should forgive myself. Love will find me The following words have a place on my wall, my laptop wallpaper and my main study file: - Why are ye so fearful, O ye of little faith? All things are possible to him that believeth - God give me the serenity to accept things I cannot change, courage to change things that I can, and the wisdom to know the difference - I fall, I rise, I make mistakes, I live, I learn, I've been hurt but I'm alive. I'm human, I'm not perfect but I'm thankful.
radiodarcy Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 his blatant narcissism and phoniness. he tries to act like he's this sensitive caring guy but he's really not - - unless there's something in it for him - - of course.
Shadesofgray Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 The fact that you dated me for 4 years (cheating on me the entire time..which I didn't know until after the fact)...and we were never engaged nor plans of marriage.. and you've been dating her for 6 months and you're getting married in November. Good thing I'm better off without you.
Surf Rider Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 hmmmmmmmm. let me think. I don't hate my ex, but i am very dissapointed and disgusted with her because: She is a liar and I cannot stand liars. That's about it.
Author Ginger Beer Posted June 24, 2011 Author Posted June 24, 2011 Were you dating Paris Hilton? Ginger I don't think that going over your ex's fault's is going to help you going forward. I used to do this, but I noticed I kept making the same mistakes in the next relationship. This time again, I started focusing on my ex but now I have stopped. Why? Because how is it going to help me going forward? Instead, I wrote a list of my mistakes, things I did wrong/regret and faults on a word doc (Emotional Abuse, Lied, Broke promises, tried to change her, manipulated, reacted and said things I didn't mean, insecurities etc etc etc). I also did it for my other relationships. Instead of saying I am going to change (and then make the same mistakes) and saying I'm not going do those things again, I am actually making sure I don't. There are no excuses for not working on your own personality flaw's. Focusing on her will not help you mate. Turn this inwards and you will be a better man going forward... Maybe, but I really wanted to post in that thread. I don't sit here thinking about it all the time. Sorry mate.
Kazmi Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 Ginger I don't think that going over your ex's fault's is going to help you going forward. I used to do this, but I noticed I kept making the same mistakes in the next relationship. This time again, I started focusing on my ex but now I have stopped. Why? Because how is it going to help me going forward? Instead, I wrote a list of my mistakes, things I did wrong/regret and faults on a word doc (Emotional Abuse, Lied, Broke promises, tried to change her, manipulated, reacted and said things I didn't mean, insecurities etc etc etc). I also did it for my other relationships. Instead of saying I am going to change (and then make the same mistakes) and saying I'm not going do those things again, I am actually making sure I don't. There are no excuses for not working on your own personality flaw's. Focusing on her will not help you mate. Turn this inwards and you will be a better man going forward... Yeah, that's a good way to do it. We need to learn and grow from every experience we've gone through, the harder the experience the wiser we can become. After we broke up I just went back to my conversations with my ex on IM... I saw how impatient how was and how much of things I did and said brought fights later on.. I learned how to speak with the people I care about and learned how to avoid arguments and still take care of what bothered me Making a list of the bad things in your ex is however a good idea, there are many people who find themselves being dumped and want to return to their ex just because of that pain even if the relationship was HELL. And it can be a good way to get over them - realizing you weren't compatible. At the same time, hating your ex only because they dumped you is wrong, and making a list only about them isn't being honest with yourself. There are two sides here, you need to reflect on what you've done wrong as well. I'm pretty sure that are things needed to learn from past relationship, no matter if you are the dumper or the dumpee. For example - my ex was a coward, when he felt like we may have an argument he would shut down and kept telling me he is tired etc. instead of discussing the issue with me. Me, however, aside from my depression (which I take care of now ), was very pushy and nervous and when he ran away I pushed further. That's the main reason we broke up... We fought a lot and there was NO CONCLUSION - he didn't want to listen because he didn't want the argument and I just ran after him and forced him to listen I made a list long time ago, it didn't stop me from loving that man (and till this day I do ), since I was aware of his flaws early in the relationship (and most of them I loved "oh he is such a _____!!!$#@$... I love him :laugh:")... It doesn't always help So.. Him: - Coward, scared of fights - Insecure - Scared I would leave him, felt like he doubted my love... - At the beginning of the relationship said his ex looks like a model (she does, objectively), he didn't make anything out of it (he barely pays notice to how a person looks, it's not a criterion for him + said he thinks I look better than her... When I asked him again later in the relationship if he think she looks like a model he said "yes, I don't like how models look, but she DOES look like a model"... DO YOU KNOW HOW INSECURE THAT MADE ME? AAHHHHHHH - Gaming addict, sometimes neglected me because of that - we met like 2 times a week MAXXX and we live 10 mins away (by car) from eachother! Again, because of that gaming addiction. - Self-worth is so low, as well as self-confidence. It was so hard being told, even before we dated, that he doesn't worth being with me. He said that about twice EVERY WEEK from the day we began dating... - Thinks of his own interests all of time (not with me, but with other people)... It bothered me when he did things just so the people above him would be impressed, it was fake.. To be honest, I'm not sure if I don't like that about him or I'm just jealous.. He is a VERY HONEST person, just thinks too much of the future and plans too much. Like we once argued and he asked me not to shout, afterwards he explained to me there was someone there that could use it against him >_> I felt sooooo pathetic. - VERY HONEST (too honest). Sometimes hurtful, well atleast I could trust him . Me: - Pushy - Nervous, fulllll of anxiety ahhhh - Depression, crying 90% of the relationship. I kept making him feel bad for NO REASON. - Made him feel useless because I refused to get cheered up by him. - Got obsessed with his ex-girlfriend (because of how she looks, oh I know so shallow by me, but it was the first time it happened to me in my life, I usually don't give a damn of how people look... I just wanted to be the best thing in his life ), it's over now haha. - Kept talking about his ex-girlfriend (lol, funny, I forced him to talk about her, this is so mad!!!) - Didn't believe him and his love and told him so many times he would leave me for another girl >_> - Kept arguing with him. - Wanted never-ending assurance that he loves me. - Felt like he doesn't understand me and I'm always right with my feelings. - Kept looking for bad things in life to cry about infront of him.. I dont want to list anymore, it's making me uncomfortable with myself I can say I did learn from everything there and a lot, to be honest, were result from my depression (it made me so insecure and so sensitive I just reacted TO EVERYTHING) As said, be realistic, it's not entirely their fault It can't be.
GivenUp0083 Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 I hate her for: - She pretended to be in love with me and said so when she later admitted she had doubts about our future for months. - She didn't love me, but "enticed" me to say ILY first and I fell for it the second attempt - Her reason for ending it was that she wants a fairy tale love story and that she didn't have that with me - She brought up the fairy tale thing 2 months in and I told her if she knew there wasn't a future she should let me go and we should part ways. She didn't and fooled me into thinking we had a chance. - She had me help her move apts, I did 60% of the labor, hurt my back, she broke up with me 3 days later - She started a petty fight that led to the breakup while at the baseball game of my favorite baseball team playing my biggest rival in their park and the pitcher of my team threw a no-hitter. Once in a lifetime event....ruined it for me. - She compared me to her ex saying he treater her like a queen and she didn't give that up so she could settle. - She used to tell me how I'm supposed to act as her boyfriend in certain situations. I never fell for it. - She told me she doesn't like to introduce people to her family unless she knows they will be around a long time....I met her family....I was gone a month later. - I introduced her to my dad and she dumped me by the time my dad called to tell me that he liked her and that she's a nice girl. - She wrote me a long patronizing email telling me she was glad to teach me how to love. I hate myself for: - Trusting her - Thinking I found something amazing - Falling in love - Being open with her about my thoughts and feelings and I should've held more back - Moving too fast early on and letting her dictate the pace of our dates - Not realizing how stupid she is - Not reading the writing on the wall about her exboyfriend, knowing that if she could give that up so easily something is wrong with her - Walking away when I found out she cheated on her ex boyfriend (once a cheater, always a cheater). - Using online dating to meet women - Actually caring about her instead of not caring. If you don't care, they can't hurt you.
just_scott Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 hate the fact she just up and walked out on me with no reason hate that she lied when she said she loved me and could never hurt me hate her sneakyness leaving gifts i gave her here for me to find later hate that she was putting me last hate that it's been a month with no contact hate the things she said at the end of our 4 yrs hate how she is acting like everythings fine hate that i believed her words when we were together hate that she was my one true love hate that she's no in my life in anyway anymore hate that she's not calling , or knocking on my door to talk hate that i still have strong feelings for her
Author Ginger Beer Posted June 25, 2011 Author Posted June 25, 2011 There are two sides here, you need to reflect on what you've done wrong as well. I'm pretty sure that are things needed to learn from past relationship, no matter if you are the dumper or the dumpee. As said, be realistic, it's not entirely their fault It can't be. I honestly don't think I did anything wrong though; she said I didn't, my friends said I didn't. I know I didn't. The only thing I think I may have done wrong was becoming clingy when she told me her ex couldn't find out about us.
nini Posted June 25, 2011 Posted June 25, 2011 Me: - Pushy - Nervous, fulllll of anxiety ahhhh - Depression, crying 90% of the relationship. I kept making him feel bad for NO REASON. - Made him feel useless because I refused to get cheered up by him. - Got obsessed with his ex-girlfriend (because of how she looks, oh I know so shallow by me, but it was the first time it happened to me in my life, I usually don't give a damn of how people look... I just wanted to be the best thing in his life ), it's over now haha. - Kept talking about his ex-girlfriend (lol, funny, I forced him to talk about her, this is so mad!!!) - Didn't believe him and his love and told him so many times he would leave me for another girl >_> - Kept arguing with him. - Wanted never-ending assurance that he loves me. - Felt like he doesn't understand me and I'm always right with my feelings. - Kept looking for bad things in life to cry about infront of him.. As said, be realistic, it's not entirely their fault It can't be. OMG!!! It's like you're talking about me, I did exactly and all of these things about 2-3 times every week because I was soooo insecure, needy and jealous of his ex, feel better to know I'm not the only one
D-Lish Posted June 25, 2011 Posted June 25, 2011 -He was a horrible kisser -He had a low sex drive -He was a horrible communicator -I guess what I hate most about him is that he didn't love me.
SpiralOut Posted June 25, 2011 Posted June 25, 2011 I HATE - that he complains all the time that I didn't want to have sex with him very often when the reason was he didn't care about pleasing me. Whenever I tried to explain (either hinting or telling him directly) to him things that I enjoy he wouldn't listen, OR he would completely forget all about it the next time we try to be intimate. And if I said something hurt me, he would keep doing it anyway because he wanted me to like it. He didn't respect that if I don't like it, I DON"T LIKE IT SO DON"T DO IT. I did not trust him at all. I was always worried he would hurt me. Plus, he always skipped foreplay and would just try and make me do things to please him and then he wouldn't want to do the same for me. - his intelligence is low. He has trouble understanding the point of view of other people (including me). He shows very little interest in anything besides hockey, family guy, and buying himself hats. - poor money management. when I was unemployed and he was working, he needed to borrow money from me to pay his half of the grocery bill. It should have been ME borrowing from HIM but I could never do that! - He leaned on me too much. Always told me I was strong and capable of so much. So he didn't understand why I would get tired and needed him to be the strong one. He was never the strong one. It was always me with the weight of everything on my shoulders while he just sort of followed me around never taking initiative to do anything helpful. - same as before, pretty much: he didn't contribute very much to the relationship. he doesn't have many life skills. I had to do everything, basically. and we went to couples counselling and even our counsellor was basically more on my side than on his. which says a lot (it says that I am not crazy and imagining things!) - did not take very good care of himself. went far too long without washing his hair. would wear clothes that had big crusty stains in the middle of his shirts. didn't brush his teeth before bed like EVER even though I kept telling him that I was more likely to feel turned on if he just brushed his freaking teeth (he would then complain of me not being in the mood again) - he is ****ing stupid. I said it already but I'll say it again, he's stupid. - the only person he cares about is himself. he left with almost no warning in the middle of february and gave me nothing to help with march rent even though he said he would - liar - boring. he gave up all of his hobbies after we were together. i encouraged him so much to keep doing the things he did but he stopped doing all of them. the only things he did were watch tv and sit around waiting for me to have time for him - he has/had no understanding whatsoever of how I think or operate. k - inability to communicate. no matter how hard I tried to talk to him about things he just put up a wall and gave me nothing to work with. he would pretend to understand me when he didn't. I told him many times that I felt disconnected from him emotionally and he just sort of brushed it off and told me we were fine. I am sorry sweetheart but when your partner tells you TO YOUR FACE that they are UNHAPPY, you don't tell them things are fine!!! Again with the stupidity!! Are you really so ****ing retarded that you think we are fine after I just TOLD you I am unhappy with us and I need something from you that I am not getting??? - Bad kisser. Mostly because he doesn't pay attention to what I was doing. I could stand there with my lips not moving and he wouldn't even notice. He would think that we were having the best makeout session ever!! Again with the stupidity!! - He is a hypocrite. He uses people so badly (including my friends that I introduced him to) but then he refuses to speak to his mother because he thinks that she tried to use him when he was younger. Oh wait sorry, he DOES talk to her if he needs her to help him with something! - He thinks he is the center of the universe. If he is 20 minutes early in the morning with the moving truck to move his things out, he thinks nothing of calling to wake me up to ask me if he can show up 20 minutes early. Is it really so hard to wait? How dare you wake me up! And then he gave me crap when I told him no!!
SpiralOut Posted June 25, 2011 Posted June 25, 2011 I also hate myself for putting up with his behaviour. My biggest mistake was in trying to change him, in nagging and lecturing him. My mistake was in attempting to communicate with someone who refuses to communicate, someone who doesn't know how to be honest. I was respectful and patient at first. When that didn't work, I started losing my temper and yelling sometimes screaming at him. I would do anything I had to do to get him to LISTEN to me. He knew I was unhappy because I told him so but he did not care. That was the point when I should have left. Now I know for next time that when someone treats me like crap, I need to just give up and get out of the relationship. Talking solves nothing.
Preggers2011 Posted June 25, 2011 Posted June 25, 2011 I don't hate....I am just extremely dissapointed in the way he has decided to handle things. But life is too short, we learn one way or another.
Kazmi Posted June 25, 2011 Posted June 25, 2011 OMG!!! It's like you're talking about me, I did exactly and all of these things about 2-3 times every week because I was soooo insecure, needy and jealous of his ex, feel better to know I'm not the only one Never think you are the only one it's impossible, too many people alive in this world .
Green21 Posted June 25, 2011 Posted June 25, 2011 I don't hate....I am just extremely dissapointed in the way he has decided to handle things. But life is too short, we learn one way or another. You summed it up perfectly for me as well. Seemed like the first time she encountered a problem that affected her relationship and decided to handle it by pulling the rug from underneath without any warning. But as the saying goes, that which does not kill us makes us stronger. After all the times we had together, there's no way I could ever feel hate from this.
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