TheVSilent Posted June 23, 2011 Posted June 23, 2011 Ok, it has been over a month now since my ex girlfriend broke up with me. Her reasonings were very good, I was emotionally abusive to her, called her names, never visited her family, and met her at a very young age of 16 and she felt like she had been tired of the way I was, gave me chances, and wanted to experiance life without being tied down. I do understand all these things she said to me, but the way she did it, it was over a series of text/facebook messeges, ranting about how I wasn't "the one" and that she didn't think she would ever want to talk to me again. Ever since then, I have been beating myself up everyday, re-living the final months and trying to replay what would have happend if I wasn't such a mean, selfish, depressed person. I tried writing her a closure letter, telling her I admit my flaws, and I was going to try and learn from this, but her response was a block on Facebook, which made me feel horrible. I just can't move on knowing she hates me, it burns me up inside. I was wanting a girls point of view really, is it too soon for me to think the pain I caused her is over? Is this why she is being so blunt with me, that she wants me to feel bad because I made her feel so bad for years? I understand I got things to work on, but I can't seem to peel myself out of my bed to go do anything, I just can't put myself out there, it all seems too soon. Another thing I was thinking was maybe she just wasn't the one and vice versa like she said. I mean why would I feel the need to do this to anyone that I truely love I have no idea, but I don't know if we were THAT compatible, and we were very boring toward the last two years, maybe we were both holding on to what was comfortable but since I am the one that got dumped it makes me feel the worse. I feel as though now, that it took this for me to realize, that I really truely loved her, and wished I wasn't such a mean guy. Time is being hard on me, I want to get motivated, I think the recent blocking on Facebook after pouring my heart out set me back quite a bit.
nikkinicole36 Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 As a female from you point of view it sounds like she has been thinking about this for a while. Right now your best bet is to go No Contact and get yourself into counseling ASAP. You really need to deal with the issues that made you treat her the way you did. If this has gone on a number of years she may never want to talk to you again. it's too soon to tell either way, but I wouldn't live my life counting on it or hoping for much in respects to her. Take this a learning lesson and work on yourself. I would hold off dating for a while until you can get to the root of the of why you do things the way you do. You deliberately destroyed and sabotaged your relationship with the way you acted towards her and that's not something you should take lightly. At the same time you can't beat yourself up and take blame for everything. At this point it's not about blame anymore and who's wrong, it's about taking responsibility.
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 As a female from you point of view it sounds like she has been thinking about this for a while. Right now your best bet is to go No Contact and get yourself into counseling ASAP. You really need to deal with the issues that made you treat her the way you did. If this has gone on a number of years she may never want to talk to you again. it's too soon to tell either way, but I wouldn't live my life counting on it or hoping for much in respects to her. Take this a learning lesson and work on yourself. I would hold off dating for a while until you can get to the root of the of why you do things the way you do. You deliberately destroyed and sabotaged your relationship with the way you acted towards her and that's not something you should take lightly. At the same time you can't beat yourself up and take blame for everything. At this point it's not about blame anymore and who's wrong, it's about taking responsibility. ^Agree. her hating you is better than her being indifferent as well. we hold grudges on people who mean the most to us. think of it this way: someone cuts you off in traffic. sure you might be mad at them and hate them for doing it... but at the end of the day you most likely will have forgotten about them. now if a family member did something to make you angry, you are more likely to keep that hate feeling towards them because they are closer to you than that anonymous driver. that being said, don't contact her... this post is more for reassurance of your mind.
Author TheVSilent Posted June 24, 2011 Author Posted June 24, 2011 Even though it hurts to read those words, thanks for the advice. I understand why I did what I did, the root of the problem stems back to a previous relationship. I did hurt her, and saw the pain in her eyes and for some reason it made me think she cared even more because I could see that she truely loved me. We were together 5 years, I would say the last 2 have been hell, I was the main problem, but she had her ups and downs to with me but it was probably because of my attitude. NC, I was going to write her a real snail mail letter in some months once time has passed, but I don't know if that will re open the gash, I just can't quite come to terms that she hates me and for some reason I'm in denial that she will never talk to me again.
Mack05 Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 (edited) Vsilent. I made the same mistakes as you and my ex hates my guts and always will. I am one of those people ever since I was a kid that hated it when people didn't like me. But as I have gotten older you need to accept there is sometimes nothing you can do to change their opinion of you and not only that you have to see things from her side and accept her opinion of you is justified. I know if a guy treated my daughter like I treated my ex at times I would want to hurt him! I agree with Nikki and thee first thing you need to do is get yourself in counselling. That is a priority. Don't assume that you won't make the same mistakes in future. That is VERY naive thinking. I have just completed 4 months in counselling. I had no idea how many problems I had until I went. It was a very hard experience. For the first 2 months after every session, I would get really drunk on my own. Thankfully the last 2 months I just dealt with the pain that arose after each session in a far more healthy way. I feel I am a good guy and ideally it would be great if my ex forgave me, BUT we were not on the receiving end. You are probably like me, didn't mean the things you said, so you quickly forgot it. Indeed it was only until the end of the relationship, did I ever hear of the term emotional abuse..Abuse isn't as easy to forget if you were on the end of it. In a way I am glad my ex hates me. It will make me even more determined NEVER to make the same mistakes if I am lucky enough to fall in love again. I was like you and couldn't sleep for the first month. The guilt I felt consumed me. Going over mistakes in my head, the things I said. The things I did. Eventually, I made the decision to forgive myself. Its the only way that I was going to move forward with my life and the only way to be sure I would never make the same mistakes again. Once you forgive yourself then you can focus on making positive changes within yourself. These changes take time. You can't make permanent change over night. It's a slow process. Going to Therapy, educating yourself, talking your mistakes through with loved one's. Writing a journal etc etc. We don't deserve second chances with our ex's but that doesn't mean you don't deserve a second chance in life. To make the same mistakes in your next relationship would be inexuseable. Not only that you will end up going down a VERY dark road. If you want to honor your ex, don't do to another girl what you did to her..Forgive yourself mate and accept there are things in life you can't change..Remember we hurt them, but we hurt ourselves even more..Live and learn, live and learn.. "God give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. I wish you luck mate.. Edited June 24, 2011 by Mack05
Author TheVSilent Posted June 24, 2011 Author Posted June 24, 2011 Mack, thanks man, I will seriously consider counceling, I am struggling, and I know it is poison but I hope one day in life she forgives me. It is hard to think positive when you're so sad all you want to do is sleep to stop thinking. I will eventually forgive and let go I'm sure, it has only been a month, and I do feel better than day 1, but it still is like a bad dream.
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