Sent my ex a letter saying I loved her and wanted her back What do I do?

[wreckedhero]

We have been in contact since we broke up which I'm beginning to think I caused the break up due to not knowing what I wanted. She told me she ended it because I did not know what I wanted from the relationship. So I wrote her a letter saying that I know that I wanted her, that I loved her, that I missed her, that I thought of her constantly etc. She would have read it this morning as I told her that I had left it for her in her tray for post. Well I have shown comittment now and told her I would do anything for her. If that's not being committed to the relationship then I don't know what is. She hasnt replied to me yet. I was thinking if she doesnt reply then I go no contact until I get an inkling she wants me back? Do people think I should contact her or have I done enough now. I also told her in that letter that I can't be friends with her whilst I remain in love with her. She hasnt even replied so I dont know what to think. I'm in limbo here and I need something to pacify me. The thing is she said we could possibly get back together if I become more committed but I need to know what the best route is. Have I done enough to show her I want her or do I need to keep on telling her and ask her what she thinks to my letter?

[HeartOfAPhoenix]

if she doesn't reply then go NC, you basically told her everything in the letter so unless she replies there is no need to stay in contact with her.

 

 

Pray for the Best, Prepare for the Worst.

[wreckedhero]

Thanks but what happens if I get a text just saying hey or hi? Or a text like she sometimes does saying ring me if you arent doing anything later? I know if I didnt have feelings for an ex I would tell them straight out. I also have to work at the same place as her. Not at the same times thank god but it means we have mutual friends and a lot of gossip gets slung around. I will just keep on praying for the best. Is there a time limit I should give it before I stop constantly looking at my phone?

[HeartOfAPhoenix]

Sounds like you are being forced into a Limited Contact scene.

 

basically you want to treat her as if she is just another co-worker. Don't reveal to much about what you have been up to or anything to personal, she is your ex now. If the text just says "hi" I would ignore it completely. if she asks you to call her later when you aren't doing anything just wait a few hours and respond with "sorry I'm busy all day" or something along those lines.

 

You could turn the tables on the "call me later" texts by replying with something like "I'm pretty busy right now... you can give me a call on wednesday if you'd like" (or any day that you will feel comfortable taking her call). this keeps the lines of communication open and puts the ball in your court. again don't reveal to much info during the call, she should be the one that is doing most of the talking because she called you.

 

 

Only do what you are comfortable with, if the texts/calls are to much just go NC with her and just ignore the gossip in the work place. if the employees have enough time in their workday to gossip I think they should be getting deductions from their pay checks.

[cjo1978]

you just need to ride it out mate. i am int he same position. my girlfriend asked for space and will see me next week to talk when she finishes with work cos she was busy. i kept little contact but stupidly wrote her a letter telling her how sorry i was for hurting her and how things could be different. That was 2 days ago and have heard nothing from her. That alone makes me think she doesnt care enough to get back to me so now ive went NC. At the end of the day both our girlfriends asked for space so its up to them to get us back...... NC does work though. it worked for me in the past when i was being strung along and then dumped. i never text or called her and 3 months later she came back to me asking to try again, though i had already moved on. she even tried to convince me to finish with my new girlfriend and go back to her!!! The thing with NC and a letter is she will probably re-read the letter at somepoint. The bad things will be freshin her mind just now but over time she forgets about them and remembers the good points. Dont wait around for her, you need to keep yourself sane and get things back on track in order to help you find someone else. It hurts like hell but keep busy. By the time she responds or asks for another chance you may be happy or interested in someone else..... just be brave and ride it out mate.

[wreckedhero]

just sent her one last text saying that I havent been with anyone else since we met since she had got it into her head that I had. Not helped by each other trying to make each other jealous I admit. Thats why I decided to write the letter so I could tell her how I really felt. I promise that's the last text I send her and I am going to come on here and ask for advice over what I should reply with if she does send a text. I do think though that she should know what she wants. I promise never to contact her again now until she contacts me with something relevant. Question for women here if you didnt want somebody and they wrote you a letter like that what would you do? And I hope I havent lost my "coolness" by telling her I loved her. It was a ten month relationship and I genuinely realised I did love her after seeing her for the first time after the split. As far as I was concerned I had nothing to lose. Just going to have to be patient I suppose and wait and see what happens. But is there a time limit when I should stop even having that glimmer of hope that we will reconcile?

[HeartOfAPhoenix]

there is no time limit, that is different for every person. you should try to stay busy so you don't keep checking your phone.

[wreckedhero]

One thing I don't get is th fact that it would be so much easier for her to say oh I don't think we should get back together. your letter was sweet but i dont want us together. Why has she not responded? What are the possibilities?

[Kilty]

First of all be careful.

 

Whether the letter was a good idea is debatable but you should really not have sent the text after it.

 

You really need to leave things alone now and let her be the one that initiates any more contact.

 

That means if you dont get a reply then you dont go looking for one.

 

At this point any more contact from you is going to have the complete opposite effect - trust me.

 

Also women are not daft. In some cases a nice letter can win them back around but in a lot of cases it doesnt - remember you have now gave over all the power to her.

Also if you think by pouring your heart out in a letter will make this girl believe how committed you are to the relationship then think again.

 

Words mean very little - particularly in the aftermath of a break up.

 

However regardless what anyone else says what you have done is brave and i hope it at least opens the door to more dialogue.

 

You have told her that you cant be friends with her if there is no reconciliation so you now have to stick to that.

Anything else will be seen by her as if you are playing a game not to mention being on the road to harassment.

 

She should now be in no doubt how you feel - so you try and drop off the earth now and say or do nothing more

 

Good luck

[wreckedhero]

Ok thanks. So what the above poster was saying is I need to go no contact until she tells me she wants me back. No texts, nothing? Even if she just says hello I don't text back. That's a risky game because she will think I'm forgetting about her. I think i'll reply to her texts if there are any and just keep them short and civil. And the harrasment? If I keep on badgering her it's harrasment I understand but I'm scared not texting back will make her think I've forgotten about her? So what do I do? Can someone tell me what they think would be the best way to go about getting her back? A plan if you like? Obviously if she never texts me again then I won't text her ever again but if she does text me what am I supposed to do? Confused!!!!!!!

[whatdoido1717]

I recommend you watch the movie, Swingers, tonight.

[wreckedhero]

Bump. What should I do? What's my best plan of action? If she's trying to keep contact but not spelling it out that she wants me?

[lalalandman]

I recommend you watch the movie, Swingers, tonight.

 

WreckedHero, this may be the best advice you'll ever receive

[geegirl]

If she is not telling you that she wants you, then you have to accept the fact that she can't give you what you want and you either 1) NC 2) don't NC and indefinitely be emotionally affected and continue to be hopelessly hopeful.

 

If she keeps contacting you and you ignore her because you 1) want to heal and move on 2) won't settle for anything less than being with her, whether she forgets you or not, is not the issue because the fact remains that she is not giving you what you want.

 

If she does not want to be "forgotten" as your friend, she will let you go and let you heal and hopefully in the very far, far future, with indifference, you both can be friends again. She will have enough care and concern for you to give you that.

 

If she is afraid of you "forgetting" her, she will do what it takes to work things out with you because she does not want to be forgotten, more so lose you, IF she wants what you want.

 

Bottom line...NC until she gives you an answer and watch Swingers.

[lipvixen2011]

First of all, let's start with the fact that she hasn't responded yet. So everything you are mentioning is after she responds to the letter..or "if" she does. I agree completely with watching Swingers. You'll better understand why people insist on you doing so. As of right now there has been no NC with her besides the letter you wrote to her, or emailed whatever. I think the best thing you can do right now is NOT text her anymore since you have texted her once since sending the letter. You might push her away, farther than she already was. Right now the best thing for you to do is wait it out. I'm going through the same thing right now, it's not really a break up though since we were only dating but I sent my "I'm sorry for calling things off with you" email and "sorry" text..he responded but didn't really say anything. It all just happened yesterday so I'm giving my situation a little more time and if he doesn't respond to my last email about how I don't want things to end I am going NC. If she does text you, be polite, be very vague because that can irk someone like crazy. Don't mention anything about the relationship or breakup. If she says that she doesn't want to try to be friends or try not to work things out I would just cut my losses and move on. If you keep trying to contact her, she'll get annoyed believe me. I did that to an ex that wouldn't stop texting me or calling me. I cut all lines of communication off with him but now a few years later he'll email or text me once in a while to see how I'm doing. I honestly haven't responded because I don't want him thinking anything or open up lines of communication again. So just wait it out and if she doesn't get back to you..you'll have to let go and move on..sorry to say.

[wreckedhero]

I don't want to be friends she knows that so what I am going to do now is go no contact until she says whether she wants me or not or when she wants me to ring her. But I will ring her two days later. I'm not replying to any of her hi how are you messages? I don't know whether the above poster read what I have said correctly but it is her that wanted to be friends. I was ok with it until a couple of days ago when I realised I have very strong feelings for her .Oh she will ask about my dad? That's a conversation opener for her. On the days we have gone without speaking she always finds time to text me first but I don't know if this is because she wants me or whether she just likes compliments. In fact I will bump this thread IF i get a text of her and ask for advice on what to do because I have never tried to win someone back. As far as I am concerned it doesnt look good though. You should know if you want to be with someone automatically. It doesn't take time to realise. Say in 6 months she says she wants me back I will always be wondering why it took her so long. That's why 2nd chances rarely work. I'm very confused as you can tell

[HeartOfAPhoenix]

PM me with your email address and I'll send you a few ebooks, I think they might help you.

[lipvixen2011]

Oh oops! Sorry I thought you said you wanted to be friends! Not her..I would just say wait it out..if you hear nothing from her about working things out and she just wants to say "hi" then I would say no contact..don't even respond. For what? It'll just prolong the healing process!

[wreckedhero]

No contact till she either wants me back and if the answer is no then no contact remains. Only one mystery I have is why hasnt she replied to me yet? Oh well

[eddysv]

Ok thanks. So what the above poster was saying is I need to go no contact until she tells me she wants me back. No texts, nothing? Even if she just says hello I don't text back. That's a risky game because she will think I'm forgetting about her. I think i'll reply to her texts if there are any and just keep them short and civil. And the harrasment? If I keep on badgering her it's harrasment I understand but I'm scared not texting back will make her think I've forgotten about her? So what do I do? Can someone tell me what they think would be the best way to go about getting her back? A plan if you like? Obviously if she never texts me again then I won't text her ever again but if she does text me what am I supposed to do? Confused!!!!!!!

 

Hey man I know you've been getting a ton of advice here and damn good advice at that....I had a similar problem but I tried what a lot of people here are saying...

 

I went no contact and I took the opportunity to work on my personal life...I took up guitar and just went on with my life making it more interesting for myself...I did this for about a month...(a relationships are different so no telling how long or quick it would be for you) but then my girlfriend started to miss me. She can only miss you if you give her the opportunity to miss her by not smothering her...(I've made that mistake as well lol..I'm sure we all have at some point right?)...

 

...anyway she started texting me again asking me how I've been and I would just reply with a "I'm on my way to jam out with some friend, I'll get back to you later"...I kept doing this and eventually things started getting back to normal again asked her out on a few casual group dates...and it took off from there...

 

Try it out...I know you'll want to text her back at first and I know it seems counterintuitive for you to not text her back but if you don't you'll thank me and the other smart folks in here...

 

Let me know how it goes

 

Your friend,

EddysV

[TheHurtProcess]

PM me with your email address and I'll send you a few ebooks, I think they might help you.

 

Would you mind sending me a few of these ebooks as well bro? I've been trying to find some decent ones online, but there really isn't much as far as "dating" or "breakups" is concerned in the world of torrenting... At least what I could find.

[TheHurtProcess]

I recommend you watch the movie, Swingers, tonight.

 

Great movie by the way. I never actually saw it before tonight. After you and lalalandman recommended it, I just had to pirate myself a copy and watch it.

 

I will also fully recommend that you get yourself a copy and watch it if you haven't already. It definitely made my night (well morning, considering it's 5am now).

 

I mean shiz, Heather Graham would definitely make me forget about my ex any day as well.

 

I also found it slightly funny that her character mentions being from Wisconsin, when she actually grew up in Milwaukee (Well, until she was 9 supposedly).

[Kilty]

The WORST thing you can do now is contact again EVER so on your own head be it.

Any contact has to be from HER.

 

The fact that you are wondering why you havent heard anything after a few hours/day gives the impression that everything you said in the letter fixes everything.

 

And badgering her about it or mentioning it to her will also give her that impression.

 

If it was that easy then we would all get back together with our ex's after writing them a note !

 

This girl has to believe that you are serious in that if there is no chance of reconciliation then you are going to move on and not be friends.

 

You have told her this in the letter as well as expressing your feelings so let her have some space.

 

If that space lasts a week, a month, 2 months, 3months then you say nothing more.

 

By that point you should realise what you said to her means nothing and you have your closure but the way you live your life now should be based on that she is not going to reply.

 

There is nothing you can do to get anyone back if they dont want to.

 

You have done all you can and there is nothing more you can say anyway - its all in the letter right ?

 

So let it lie, sit back and give her space and see what happens.

 

I doubt she will text you with some inane question now after the letter without mentioning it.

 

If she does then it means she doesnt care about your feelings.

 

So if that transpires - ignore it and keep ignoring her till she asks whats wrong and then you leave her in no doubt that you dont want anymore contact so you can get over her

[wreckedhero]

Still no reply. Wouldn't it be easy for her just to tell me sorry I don't think it would work out instead of doing it this way and being cruel. Will keep strong in not contacting her.

[cjo1978]

Still no reply. Wouldn't it be easy for her just to tell me sorry I don't think it would work out instead of doing it this way and being cruel. Will keep strong in not contacting her.

 

Im in the same boat mate....not heard a thing since i sent mine. Not expecting to hear from her again to be honest which doesnt hurt as much as hanging on and waiting on your phone.......chin up.