Preggers2011 Posted June 23, 2011 Posted June 23, 2011 Hello everyone, I dated my ex for 7 months. Everything was great until we got pregnant. Our shcok didn't last long and right away we both were excited. It's his first. He is 41, never married and no kids. This will be my second and I have been married, although divorced for 6 years, so that is not an issue. As the pregnancy progress in and going into second trimester, we could not help but have doubts. I think this was natural. I was not having the doubts as much as he was. I had this huge feeling he was really struggling with it all. I finally asked him to take a step back, figure out what he REALLY wanted, and to reach out to me once he did. Whether he really wanted to be in my life and the baby's or not, he needed to tell me. Four days go by and I took a long weekend of thinking about everything, from the moment we met, to the pregnancy to wondering if perhaps he is just not someone to ever commit. He said he wanted to, that I am the one for him and I have been the one he's been waiting for all his life. Blah blah blah at this point! Words are nothing if not matched with actions. His actions crystal clear told me his heart was not in it 100%. Also, while everyone on my end knew about the pregnancy, on his end, he kept it private, even with his family. This was the tipping point for me. So after that weekend, I sat down and thought heavily about it and decided, as much as it was painful and as much as I really do love him, that I needed to end the relationship and distance myself from him. I realized that you can't make someone love you or want to be with you. And being pregnant, I did not need to be in a relationship that was causing stress. I was losing sleep over it. Just had enough of it. So I ended it and he agreed. I decided to do NC for two reasons: 1)I need to heal and take care of me and the baby. 2)I have been taking care of everything from the get go, financially and making necessary visits for baby's arrival (hospital, etc.). He offered to help at the very first day we found out, since then he has never brought it up again. Slap in the face. I felt that I did not need to even ask him. And he wants to be there for visits, etc. and hear about the baby news. Well, I am not. We are not married, I have no legal ties to him, so if he ever decides to really step up to the plate and be a Dad, then he can file with the court and we can handle it legally from there. He admitted that he struggled understanding how he couldn't admit he was about to be a father. I feel that his heart is not in it. So why go out of my way to include him and make it super easy for him just whenever it is convenient for him, mean while I get to go through this alone and pay it all by myself. If you are a parent, you know the financial part is not easy! So I struggle every day that I should have contact with him for baby's sake. Yet, part of me says no, no right now. It's been a month since I last saw him, and about a week on NC. Finally, I decided I really needed NC so I can grieve and work on the emotions and separate all this from what lies in the future, having a healthy baby. Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.
richard9 Posted June 23, 2011 Posted June 23, 2011 i think you have made the mature and right decision to put the baby first, i agree a stressful relationship is no place for a baby and it is hard enough raising a child even without the mental stress. so you should really commend yourself for that at the end of the day it is his decision whether he wants to be a part in the babys life, but if he choses not to then you are entitled to financial support, and the baby deserves that so dont be afraid to persue it. if it puts pressure on you as a mother i would say have NC until you feel comfortable with seeing him again. it is not going to be easy to take that step when he does come back into your life but at least give it another month. some people may disagree but i think you need to be stable emotionally for your childs sake and if a bit of time does that then take it. hope that helps
Mack05 Posted June 23, 2011 Posted June 23, 2011 Can I just say you are a very courageous woman. Sadly I can't give you any worthwhile advice here, because I don't know what man wouldn't want to be part of his kids life...I was really sad reading your story. You deserve so much better..
Author Preggers2011 Posted June 23, 2011 Author Posted June 23, 2011 Thank you for your kind words, I appreciate them. I usually know what is best and that doing the best thing can sometimes be the hardest thing in the world! And I also have a good judge of character for the most part, so it really caught me surprised at how his colors just came out. How can someone be so sold out one minute and then the next do a 180? I never imagined in my life I would be going through this, pregnant and having a baby out of wedlock. Well, I never imagined going through a divorce either, ha! I guess, it is time to really just focus on the kids and myself. But I do admit, like every human being, I have my moments, and it is extremely hard emotionally. That's the part I am having a hard time with. The fact that I actually did fall in love with him and still care for him. And here I am carrying his child. Like others said, I need to move on. It just isn't easy.
Author Preggers2011 Posted June 25, 2011 Author Posted June 25, 2011 Bump. I am thinking my situation is rare, but still hoping someone out there has had similar experience. Today, I am feeling better. Someone said mornings are rough...yes, they are! But the day gets better once I am out and busy with life.
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