elia253 Posted June 23, 2011 Posted June 23, 2011 Three months ago, my boyfriend of 5 years told me he wanted to move out because he needed space and wasn't "excited" by me anymore (meaning he didn't look forward to coming home to me at the end of the day, other things in life took priority, etc.) For a few months before this, I had been super paranoid about his relationship with a female coworker. She took up all his time, they hung out together outside work, and he was in constant contact with her. I made my fears known, and he dismissed them as ridiculous, said she was just a friend, and I needed to calm down. I didn't, and it drove him away. After he initially said he needed space, we still had to live together for almost 20 days before he was able to move into his sublet. At this time, we said we were still together, just "working on it", but he stopped coming home. He would stay out until 4am, and one night, when I was supposed to be out of town, I came home early to find that he didn't come home at all. He walked in the apartment the next morning at 8am to shower before work, and admitted he had slept over at the other girl's apartment, but only as friends. He slept there the following night too, and then moved out completely a few days later. During this time, I was reacting horribly. I was panicking, literally hyperventilating, giving him the exact opposite of "space" and finally he said that it was over completely. I was even more devastated. I went into a complete pit of despair and depression. I literally didn't leave my bed for a month. I ended up in the hospital with severe chest pains related to stress. I literally fell apart. We continued to talk through this entire ordeal. He said he wanted to stay friends, but I had acted in a way that made him "not want to come back" to the relationship. He moved into an apartment on the same block as the girl I was paranoid about, and she quickly took my place. He claimed they never slept together, but they're best friends. He compares her to "the girl down the hall in college" who you spend all your time with. They're constantly together, and just knowing this kills me. Long story short, in the past few weeks, he has said that he wants to get back together and start working towards that, can see us together, but currently has an emotional "block." Despite WANTING to be with me, he can't be because his mind won't let him "get close." He says hanging out with me helps get past this block, but when we hang out, I just break down because I can't handle being close to him, but not with him. I feel like I am doing a terrible job explaining this "block," because I don't understand it. This is what he was saying about it today, via IM: ****: i havent thats what you need to undersatnd im being KEPT away i cant get close i want to do you get that me: no, i don't. ****: i dont either me: i really don't. ****: and it sucks I recently had an opportunity to move to another city, and when I told him, he said "that means there will be no more chance of 'us'" and I said "well, you've made it pretty clear that there isn't going to be a chance for a long time" because despite what he says about this emotional block, he has done nothing to change his ways, nothing to try to get past it, nothing to take a tiny step forward and back to where we were. I am worried it is ruined beyond repair, but the thought of living my life without him literally shatters my heart. I love him so, so much. I suggested I move to the other city, and we reunite in a year, to see how things are. I told him maybe if he dated someone else for a while, or was totally single for a while without having me as a backup plan living (literally) around the corner, it would help him clear his head and figure out exactly what he wants. This was his response: ****: no im not going to date someone else ****: and no i dont want to lose you for a year I'm so confused. I know it is unhealthy, I know his actions should just make me hate him, I know I should try to move away and move on to feel better, but I just love him so freaking much. Is it ridiculous to stay around and wait for him to get past his "emotional block"? Is that even possible? Is there any way to fix what has been broken here?
flitzanu Posted June 23, 2011 Posted June 23, 2011 he wanted to move out, have a "break" so he had no "commitment" to you while he went and slept around. now he realized it isn't working out or isn't what he wanted, so he wants to come back to you. is that what you want to be? second best?
Author elia253 Posted June 23, 2011 Author Posted June 23, 2011 Why say he wants to come back, and then claim he has this "block" though? I don't get it!
flitzanu Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 bc you're standing there waiting and he is going to say whatever you want to hear so you don't go find someone new. he gets to keep you waiting while he goes off with new people.
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