Have I wasted my life just thinking of Women even though i may possibly never haveone

June 23, 2011

I don't know but i'm 31 and i feel like the years are just gonna pass and then i'll turn 40 and 50 and that's it. Or i may die young because i have health problems.

ANd I've always wanted a GFriend since i was 6 years old. It's true(also sex). Well i went through elementary school, no friends, junior high, no friends, highschool, no friends/no gf, college no fririends nothing no gf.

After college = no friends, no gf, except a few foreign friends here and there but they return to their countries so that really never lasts.

So i have this desire to have a female friend and GF. And yes, you might hate this, but I'm thirsty for sex, which i've never had.

But as i said, seems i'm never gonna have a GF. And I've tried talking to women trying to be friends with them, never works. Or at least not so far. Especially i've never found someone who is interested in having a relationship with me. Possibly cause i'm not a good speaker i guess.

So is all this desire and wishing that i had a GF just a big chunk of my life wasted? Or can i still keep dreaming and hope. And keep trying even though all my attemps to talk to strangers(girls in public places) always fail or don't turn into anything.

June 23, 2011

Why have you had trouble making friends?

What was different about the foreign students you knew in college?

Be honest.

June 23, 2011

What do you do to put yourself in a position to meet women? Maybe start volunteering and showing your good side. Plenty of good women out there to meet, befriend, and maybe more.

June 23, 2011

This is just the same as those "am I ugly?" threads, but without the photo.

A negative attitude isn't attractive. A positive one will help.

What steps are you taking to change any bits of your life that you don't like?

June 23, 2011

The fact that you've not only been unable to form romantic relationships, but also friendly ones, speaks to something wrong at a pretty deep level, IMO.

I'd also be curious to know why you had an easier time making friends with foreign students. Perhaps the language barrier eased the pressure or anxiety of socializing?

June 23, 2011

This is weird. No friends your entire life? really?

If you can't make friends, you definitely won't be able to find a girl.

'friend' is in the word 'girlfriend'

June 23, 2011

You pretty much have no chance with American women dude, most of them wouldn't even come 10 feet near you if they find out that you are a virgin and 31 years old. I can suggest you one thing though, why don't you take a trip to Asia, esp. Philippines and Thailand and try your luck there, if you are a White guy, you should have no problem, they revere White men over there, and I have seen tons of old white men with beer bellies hanging out over there with the most beautiful and feminine of women. Spend some cash out in that part of the world, and boy, you won't believe your luck.

One thing though, some of them might just express interest in you to get their green card, you know you should be okay with that, since it's a win win for both of you, you get a girl, and she gets a GC, fair deal. If you are willing to do this, I can tell you where exactly to go out there too. There are some bureaus who actually find women for American men going out there. Good luck :cool:

why go to all that trouble when you can find prostitutes in the States too?

June 23, 2011

This is just the same as those "am I ugly?" threads, but without the photo.

A negative attitude isn't attractive. A positive one will help.

What steps are you taking to change any bits of your life that you don't like?

I don't think he's got a negative attitude. It's more like he's just telling it like it is. And that's what he'll need to do if he wants any help.

June 23, 2011

What do you do to put yourself in a position to meet women? Maybe start volunteering and showing your good side. Plenty of good women out there to meet, befriend, and maybe more.

Well I almost do nothing. The only thing I've done is try to talk to girls in bus stops and bus terminal. But they never like it. I never try it with talkative loud girls though. i try it with girls that seem quiet because i'm quiet myself.

Yeah i wanted to volunteer. especially now that i'm unemployed but i went to this place and put my application and they never called me back. Maybe they didn't like me cause i put in my application "NOT NECESSARILY FLUENT( in speaking)" and also maybe they didn't like the results of my TB test.

Anyway, i will try to find other volunteer place.

"Why have you had trouble making friends?

What was different about the foreign students you knew in college?

Be honest. "

I have trouble making friends because i am not a good speaker. I struggle talking, even struggle making ideas. I'm good at chat and writing cause i can see the words, so i can review what i've said so far and i don't forget it so i can try and make sense of it.. so i always have nice online chat friends, but i'm not good at speaking face to face. i can't even understand what i'm thinking so i struggle alot.

And most americans outthere are great speakers( fluent , fast). they speak fluently and know slang and tons of stuff and they don't like people like me. They want people who are like them. Even girls say (girls from this forum) that they they don't like guys who don't have anything to say and that that's why they broke up with them. Even in my latest job everyone teased me and thought i was weird cause i wasn't fast and fluent.

With foreign students, although there are some that are americanized and believe that speaking fast is how all americans are and should be thus they are not interested in me, there have been various that accepted me and i became friends with them. It's easy with them because I can be myself and i can't be myself with Americans/Latins. For example i'm 31 male but i'm quiet. And i'm nice, childish, and i speak slow. CHILDISH is something that is not accepted in American/HIspanic culture especially from old guys like me. Also typical american women would think this is immature and stupid. Meanwhile the foreign girls dont' mind it.

When i say childish i mean, i pout, i do faces, i giggle, I do stupid silly stuff. And i talk about simple topics and i'm slow( i'm slow naturally and i struggle in speaking). That's much different than what i always see in other guys that women love "Confident, business like, or cool hip hop type with lots of swagger, fluent, etc, get into deep conversations or arguments"

I also hum and do music alot instead of getting into deep conversations.

With the foreigners( who come from countries where being quiet is more accepted), I can talk alot but i don't have to be fast and fluent and cool and perfect. plus i speak some of their languages so there's a conection there.

June 23, 2011

Since you're multi-lingual, make widening your horizons to the larger world part of your life goals.

IME, once you've 'had' a woman, you'll understand better how all this pining away and wishing and wanting and gnashing of teeth is a total waste time, effort, and your life energy. It really is. I wish I had better news. Sorry.

Women, and people in general, are wonderful assets to experience in life but they should never rule one's life. Live less outside yourself, which is not to mean interact less with the world around you. It's more of a feeling, one underscored by how you titled this thread.

Find some work, economize, and start visiting those foreign countries whose residents you found synergy with. Many potentials.

June 23, 2011

I don't think he's got a negative attitude. It's more like he's just telling it like it is. And that's what he'll need to do if he wants any help.

Yes, he's telling it like it is, and he has a negative attitude. Look at the thread title, or phrases like "seems i'm never gonna have a GF" and then, in a post just after yours, he tells us what he's doing to meet girls, "Well I almost do nothing."

If the OP keeps that up then he's not going to get a GF. I'm not even sure if he's here looking for help or just to vent about it.

Getting rid of the negative attitude and replacing it with a positive "I can do this!" attitude will help. There's a world of difference between "seems i'm never gonna have a GF" and "When will I get a GF?" and then getting off his butt and doing something about whatever the obstacles are.

June 23, 2011

IME, very true on the international dating angle wrt 'settling down'; however, it can be expensive, relevant to travel, lodging, communication and immigration. Also, the sponsor must pass muster on their ability to support the immigrant. It's a far more complex and expensive proposition than dating locally, though the dynamic does open up many more potentials. Regardless, healthy relationship skills are paramount to having any modicum of success, so working on making friends locally, as well as stabilizing finances, would appear to be a win-win regardless. Hope it works out

June 23, 2011

This is going to be long, but I want to give useful feedback rich with information.

I think quiteGuy is incredibly sincere and has made a lot of effort toward self-improvement. Reading your posts after all these months reveal to me that you need some extra support.

Going from a "nation of one" to a "nation of two" is going to take some work. Forget about getting a girlfriend and get one friend.

I think you need to do some assessments on yourself. Try to get an inkling about your extreme introversion. I can't think of a single introvert I know who doesn't have at least one close friend. I don't think you have social anxiety, but I think there is a wealth of information for you in that area.

You are going to have to develop a primary relationship with someone. Anyone. A paid mental health professional is a start and there are also self-help groups that don't cost money. There are also programs for people with mental health issues. I am not saying you are mentally ill, but I have been part of that community for a long time and they are very accepting.

I was painfully socially awkward at one time, but I also was savvy in observation. I watched how people talked and I practiced. When I was 21, people told me that I had major communication problems. They tried to help, but I was pretty bad off. People were patient with me and they let me hang out with them. By the time I was 35, I was socially adept and nobody would ever know I once was unable to carry on a coherent conversation.

Be patient with yourself and keep trying to connect. Read people's social cues and learn from them. Keep practicing and learning. But please don't do it on Skype or IM. You must do it in person. Immerse yourself in people on a face-to-face level.

I enjoy reading your posts and I am cheering you on.

June 23, 2011

Well I almost do nothing.

So, to answer the question in the thread title, yes, you're wasting your life if your goal was to get a woman. I think you can change that.

I have trouble making friends because i am not a good speaker. I struggle talking, even struggle making ideas. I'm good at chat and writing cause i can see the words, so i can review what i've said so far and i don't forget it so i can try and make sense of it.. so i always have nice online chat friends, but i'm not good at speaking face to face. i can't even understand what i'm thinking so i struggle alot.

Yes, you seem fairly articulate here. Do you know why it's different when you're speaking? If you know why, perhaps there's something you can do to change things. I don't know if it's a medical issue, or if some sort of speech therapy would help, or whether you just need to get out there and get practice talking to people (which I think we've mentioned some of your previous threads). If you're not sure why, you might consider talking with your doctor and explaining the situation (and write it down and take that piece of paper with you if you have difficulty expressing it when talking).

June 23, 2011

I don't know but i'm 31 and i feel like the years are just gonna pass and then i'll turn 40 and 50 and that's it. Or i may die young because i have health problems.

ANd I've always wanted a GFriend since i was 6 years old. It's true(also sex). Well i went through elementary school, no friends, junior high, no friends, highschool, no friends/no gf, college no fririends nothing no gf.

After college = no friends, no gf, except a few foreign friends here and there but they return to their countries so that really never lasts.

So i have this desire to have a female friend and GF. And yes, you might hate this, but I'm thirsty for sex, which i've never had.

But as i said, seems i'm never gonna have a GF. And I've tried talking to women trying to be friends with them, never works. Or at least not so far. Especially i've never found someone who is interested in having a relationship with me. Possibly cause i'm not a good speaker i guess.

So is all this desire and wishing that i had a GF just a big chunk of my life wasted? Or can i still keep dreaming and hope. And keep trying even though all my attemps to talk to strangers(girls in public places) always fail or don't turn into anything.

You are putting the cart before the horse. The company of a good woman is the result of a life well-lived, not the other way around. No woman will make you happy. But by being happy with yourself, you may find a woman who complements your life.

As for actual execution - you have to change your game. Obviously doing the same things will get you the same results. Study up on attraction and seduction. And don't take women so seriously....you should be out having fun, not despairing.

First step, get off of Love Shack. I know it sounds ridiculous coming from someone who has posted here 1100 times. But this site is unhealthy for anyone who wants to actually change his life. It's an echo chamber filled with the angry, the bitter, and the indignant. Sure, there are some good people here too, but they get lost in the cacophony. PM me if you want more help.

Edited June 23, 2011 by samspade

June 23, 2011

Ok...so the question to the OP is:

What have you been doing all your life?

Seen guys who say topics like this, but we find out they've done nothing more than hide scared as opposed to trying.

So tell us why you think you're 31, a virgin, and alone. Tell us what's been going on since puberty til now.

June 23, 2011

Thank you all for your nice responses. I am thinking about them.

"Yes, you seem fairly articulate here. Do you know why it's different when you're speaking? If you know why, perhaps there's something you can do to change things. I don't know if it's a medical issue, or if some sort of speech therapy would help, or whether you just need to get out there and get practice talking to people (which I think we've mentioned some of your previous threads). If you're not sure why, you might consider talking with your doctor and explaining the situation (and write it down and take that piece of paper with you if you have difficulty expressing it when talking)"

It's different from speaking because when i speak I can't remember anything. I can't remember words or even my thoughts. And then thoughts get mixed with other thoughts and then some thoughts come out with wrong grammar, so i have to try to move the words around in my brain and then it doesn't make sense....and then also sometimes i know the pronunciation will be a hit or miss cause i can't control my mouth for some reason. That's why sometimes i prefer not to say anything.

In my last job all the customer service women who iworked by their side, would tease me and say "why don't you talk?' . they'll never understand.

my brain processing is different than them, especially with spoken language.

"You are going to have to develop a primary relationship with someone. Anyone."

Yeah, well i wanted to go visit a therapist. It didn't work out cause she was too expensive so i'm looking for another one.

June 23, 2011

It's different from speaking because when i speak I can't remember anything. I can't remember words or even my thoughts. And then thoughts get mixed with other thoughts and then some thoughts come out with wrong grammar, so i have to try to move the words around in my brain and then it doesn't make sense....and then also sometimes i know the pronunciation will be a hit or miss cause i can't control my mouth for some reason. That's why sometimes i prefer not to say anything.

That sounds like something that a medical professional (perhaps a mental health professional) would have a fancy name for, and perhaps even a way to improve things.

Don't get scared away by me saying 'mental health' - as many as a quarter of us will experience some mental health issue this year. (source: The Office for National Statistics Psychiatric Morbidity report, 2001, which I found mentioned here:

http://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/help-information/mental-health-statistics/ )

June 23, 2011

That sounds like something that a medical professional (perhaps a mental health professional) would have a fancy name for, and perhaps even a way to improve things.

Don't get scared away by me saying 'mental health' - as many as a quarter of us will experience some mental health issue this year. (source: The Office for National Statistics Psychiatric Morbidity report, 2001)

Thanks. Yeah i know i have something. If i was normal i would probably not be unemployed. Theres' always customer service jobs out there.

But anyways, so then what? how do i find love knowing that most American women would not like a guy who talks little and gets stuck alot? Like all the ones in MTV for example, those loud mouths and they speak in length about anything and argue etc. If that's how women are, then there's no chance they would like me.

I'm not saying all women are like that, but even if they're not argumentative they like men with Substance and IQ(as some women stated in one of my other threads).

This is how i speak for example

"So how's your family? she responds then i nod...................................................5 minutes pass........................oh i see...........................................................................5 or 10 minutes pass......................oh! Jennifer, you know what? uhhmmm uhmmmmmm uhmmmmmmm uhmmmmmmmmm you know what? mmmmmmm . mmmmmmmm."

I usually fill the spaces with humming but most women would not like that.

June 23, 2011

OP, you're being dumb. People get married or find wonderful romantic relationships at all stages of life. If you are 60 you can still find what you're hoping for. Age has 'little' to do with it.

What you should have been doing all along is just enjoying life and making a name for yourself. And even that isn't too late to do. IMO and IME if you don't have 'friends' then it's very hard to find a g/f.

You're only 31 for gosh sakes. I didn't find a wonderful g/f until 33. Girls weren't my interest until later in life. But I still found one. If I'm single at 75 I know I'll still be able to find one. Have hope... enjoy life... good luck.

June 23, 2011

Thanks. Yeah i know i have something. If i was normal i would probably not be unemployed. Theres' always customer service jobs out there.

Ok, so get a diagnosis. There might be treatments, or at least coping strategies. You won't be the only person with your condition, so it will help you if you find out what it is.

But anyways, so then what?

When you know what your condition is, the way forwards might be clearer. Experts who know about that condition may be able to suggest how to go about building a more typical social life with friends of both sexes. Do that first, then you'll have more of the skills you need to get a girlfriend.

June 23, 2011

Yes, he's telling it like it is, and he has a negative attitude. Look at the thread title, or phrases like "seems i'm never gonna have a GF" and then, in a post just after yours, he tells us what he's doing to meet girls, "Well I almost do nothing."

If the OP keeps that up then he's not going to get a GF. I'm not even sure if he's here looking for help or just to vent about it.

Getting rid of the negative attitude and replacing it with a positive "I can do this!" attitude will help. There's a world of difference between "seems i'm never gonna have a GF" and "When will I get a GF?" and then getting off his butt and doing something about whatever the obstacles are.

I guess I know what you're saying. It's like, it's more positive to say, 'what can I do to get a girlfriend?' instead of 'why can't I ever get a girlfriend?'

I guess his original post and title does have a negative slant, but you can't blame him for feeling negative for being in the situation he's in.

But yeah, I think for him to succeed, he'll need to develop a more positive attitude, I believe you attract more of what you focus on.

If he carries on the way he is, and I don't just mean not being more positive, then he'll probably be right when he says it feels that he'll never get a GF.

He needs to change something.

This thread could be the start of him trying to make that change if he is genuinley looking for advice, and, he's just probably throwing in some venting as well.

Edited June 23, 2011 by Ross MwcFan

June 23, 2011

I guess I know what you're saying. It's like, it's more positive to say, 'what can I do to get a girlfriend?' instead of 'why can't I ever get a girlfriend?'

Yes, that's exactly what I was getting at.

June 23, 2011

I knew a guy once who was mentally retarded, by IQ standards. He was married to a woman who also was mentally retarded, by IQ standards.

They had a happy marriage, and had been married for 25 years.

There is a lid for every pot. But you can't demand "beautiful women" when you're not bringing as much as them to the table.

Sign In

Have I wasted my life just thinking of Women even though i may possibly never haveone

Recommended Posts

quietGuy13

oldguy

OhMittens

oaks

kiss_andmakeup

GivenUp0083

Emilia

Ross MwcFan

quietGuy13

carhill

oaks

carhill

Cee

oaks

samspade

grkBoy

quietGuy13

oaks

quietGuy13

youngskywalker

oaks

Ross MwcFan

oaks

TheLawmaker

What's New

My Activity Streams

More...