anap1 Posted June 23, 2011 Posted June 23, 2011 Im 19 and Ive recently started dating an older guy hes 28. is this to much of an age gap? he also has a 2year old daughter. he is a lovely guy. I havent told any of my friends yet as I dont know what they would think.any advice would be appreciated!!!!!!!!
OhMittens Posted June 23, 2011 Posted June 23, 2011 I don't think 9 years is too big of an age gap. I'd say go for it and explore things with this guy. If it works out great, if not then move on.
oldguy Posted June 23, 2011 Posted June 23, 2011 The relevance of an age gap decreases as we get older. That's one of the reasons there are even laws to protect say, 15 -16 yo from 20 yo's. Once most people are in their mid 20's or so age is of much less significance, IMO. Personally, a 19 yo dating a 28 yo with kids is a lot more of an undertaking than I think one should be undertaking. I think you haven't told your friends yet because you DO know what they would think
Hp1991 Posted June 23, 2011 Posted June 23, 2011 Hi , I think I can help you with this. I'm in the same boat and we've been dating for the past year (me being 19 him being 28) . In terms of telling your friends ... I'd say good luck to that . I know and can guess what they would think . Only a few friends who truly see his character and know he would be a good match to you would support you . Whereas others will give you a funky look . As if why are you dating a guy 10 years older? In my situation I frankly haven't told much people about him except for about 4 people. This is partly because of his age and they aren't capable of understanding why I'd stick around with him. The other half is that I don't like to blab about my personal life. I'd rather keep it to myself to avoid the questions like "so how are you guys" "have you guys fought" . In terms of dating him? I would say you're in for a real roller coaster.There obviously is a age gap and he's looking more in terms of settling down soon whereas you're just starting to explore your options.( Actual advice I got from others on board when I first started dating). It depends on how you wish to continue this. Are you looking for a stable relationship? Or a short fling? He would by now (considering his age) be experienced in how to treat a lady .. no funny business like when you're 20 and fighting over why didn't you call me and minor things like that. With that age his more mature knowing when to let go and compromise. Also he would have more knowledge of things. On my end of the relationship I never slept around at all and he had a few partners before me. It contributed to me putting him high up on the scale and lowering myself because I didn't have that much experience. He also has a 2 year old child. Does he have full custody? Or is the mother involved with joint? You're going to have to deal with that aswell. Do you want to be around a 2 year old and have to make a relationship that imprints the child if you're not going to last. The mother will be in your business aswell! . When I had frist started dating my bf he wasn't even an option..literally. We were friends and it turned out that he was an amazing guy . To add to being an amazing guy he is gentle and knows when to be there for me. I have alot of emotional baggage I brought out with him. And instead of running like lightening he STAYED and PULLED ME OUT. Literally he held me and told me it would never happen again. He knows what he wants and that makes our relationship stable and concrete. We are in this for the long term and I'm happy I made the leap in trust . I also got advice as to why he isn't dating a girl around his age. It would be since he got betrayed recently he basically shut down all contact with girls. I remember when I talked to him for the first time..he was edging away ready to run -__-' I would say go for it and see if he's the right one for you. Be careful of the child that is involved. He might end up being a good catch
Author anap1 Posted June 23, 2011 Author Posted June 23, 2011 Hi , I think I can help you with this. I'm in the same boat and we've been dating for the past year (me being 19 him being 28) . In terms of telling your friends ... I'd say good luck to that . I know and can guess what they would think . Only a few friends who truly see his character and know he would be a good match to you would support you . Whereas others will give you a funky look . As if why are you dating a guy 10 years older? In my situation I frankly haven't told much people about him except for about 4 people. This is partly because of his age and they aren't capable of understanding why I'd stick around with him. The other half is that I don't like to blab about my personal life. I'd rather keep it to myself to avoid the questions like "so how are you guys" "have you guys fought" . In terms of dating him? I would say you're in for a real roller coaster.There obviously is a age gap and he's looking more in terms of settling down soon whereas you're just starting to explore your options.( Actual advice I got from others on board when I first started dating). It depends on how you wish to continue this. Are you looking for a stable relationship? Or a short fling? He would by now (considering his age) be experienced in how to treat a lady .. no funny business like when you're 20 and fighting over why didn't you call me and minor things like that. With that age his more mature knowing when to let go and compromise. Also he would have more knowledge of things. On my end of the relationship I never slept around at all and he had a few partners before me. It contributed to me putting him high up on the scale and lowering myself because I didn't have that much experience. He also has a 2 year old child. Does he have full custody? Or is the mother involved with joint? You're going to have to deal with that aswell. Do you want to be around a 2 year old and have to make a relationship that imprints the child if you're not going to last. The mother will be in your business aswell! . When I had frist started dating my bf he wasn't even an option..literally. We were friends and it turned out that he was an amazing guy . To add to being an amazing guy he is gentle and knows when to be there for me. I have alot of emotional baggage I brought out with him. And instead of running like lightening he STAYED and PULLED ME OUT. Literally he held me and told me it would never happen again. He knows what he wants and that makes our relationship stable and concrete. We are in this for the long term and I'm happy I made the leap in trust . I also got advice as to why he isn't dating a girl around his age. It would be since he got betrayed recently he basically shut down all contact with girls. I remember when I talked to him for the first time..he was edging away ready to run -__-' I would say go for it and see if he's the right one for you. Be careful of the child that is involved. He might end up being a good catch Thanks so much for your reply! means alot to have someone the same age as me who went through the kinda same thing. Ive dated guys my age and they are all just soo immature and have petty fights over nothing, like you said who didnt phone you blah blah. Everyone tells me im mature for my age whihc makes me feel like I would be ok, but I know the likes of my parents and friends wouldn't appreciate it. I am looking for a proper relationship and I could see myself with him. But as he pointed out himself he is looking for someone special, and I dont think im ready yet to settle completely down. I said that to him and he said that was cool well just take things one step at a time and see how it all goes. He has shared custody with his daughter and him and the mum get on better now than they ever have. I dont think his child bothers me its more the age gap. And the reason why he isnt dating older women is because he has been messed about with them so much in the past whihc he has told me alot about and I do believe. Thanks for your help! Im glad your relationship is working!
Author anap1 Posted June 23, 2011 Author Posted June 23, 2011 This guy already failed a relationship and has baggage (the kid). Why bother? Have fun with kids your age. But nearly everyone has baggage one way or another. people make mistakes to, and the reason why i dont want to bother with guys my age cause no offence but most of them are immature antention seekers! i do see what your saying tho and i will take it on board
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