Apparently, i'm a bit messed up, or at least thats the way I'm made to feel

[onenightstand]

So, I'm with a dude, who I love very, very much. He has many wonderful qualities, and we can get along pretty well. I know he loves me too. Otherwise, given my situation, he would have left long ago (I do have issues). However, communication's never been our strong point from day 1, and nearly 3 years into the relationship, we're pretty bound at the hip, it feels like, living together, with me even financially (somewhat) depending on him while I'm attending school right now short term for about a month longer, as my program ended up being very short. He moved with me to a new town for me to complete my program for school for about nine months, bitched and moaned about it, as I struggled to speed-track through it, but at this point, we're due to leave the area back to where we've moved from in about a month and a half. So, thats good, and also reflective of how committed our relationship is. The bad thing is that we don't communicate. Or, rather I feel like I'm the one "communicating." I can be very talkative, but I also like to listen. However, he's the kind of person that has, nothing, absolutely nothing, ever, to say. Sometimes, while I'm talking to him, he literally is not even paying attention. Or, he's just not "getting" it. He's a smart guy, does computer stuff, just, apparently, not into social cues too much. This is very frustrating to me, since he is someone that I do trust, and want to be able to confide in, and yet, he just doesn't seem to care. The other day, when I was on the phone with an abusive family member and was extremely upset about it afterwards, half an hour into my rant to him regarding the whole situation and the upset that emanated out of the conversation, bf. literally, inserted ear plugs into his ears to block me out. Today, when I approached him to show him something on the computer right before he is going to bed, he simply turned over, told me he had to go to bed, and that was that. I began yelling at him, because the ignoring upsets me a great deal and it happens often. Every time I'm ignored like that I feel like anything that comes out of my mouth is minimized in meaning by his actions. This makes me infuriated and I yell, and he just rationalizes my response to his behavior as an inherent flaw in my personality-that is, me just being an angry person. feel bad for acting badly by yelling at him, but I don't know what to do but yell at my bf. to get the point across as he seems to not hear me, just simply ignoring the problem I bring up, and me, and hope it goes away, and thats simply not how I'm inclined to deal with things, nor do I think its healthy, and I've been explicit in expressing this to my bf. I'm left frustrated, feeling utterly alone and helpless, and yet, I still have pretty strong feelings of endearment and affection towards the guy. Any thoughts? I feel like I'm the bitch...yet, I can't help but want to delegate some of the blame onto him.

[oldguy]

I think someone putting earplugs in their ears while your talking to them constitutes mental abuse as that is just rude & immature. So what is his deal? It sounds like he's pissed off at you for something. Why is he being such a jerk.

 

Silence is more abusive sometimes than yelling & screaming. You clearly need to address this & change it. I know you love the guy but is this what you want your life to be like. Even IF he suddenly snapped out of this, & you know thats not going to happen, how long will it be before he pulls this silent treatment again. No kids, no mortgage. Fix it or end it. Life is too short.

[LuckyLady13]

If he were just a quiet guy, that would be one thing but earplugs?!? That's another!

 

I wouldn't really say this is abusive but the guy is an ignoramus and very immature.

 

You say you have an abusive family member? Well, then you are used to abusive behavior and bad treatment. So used to it that when this guy is disrespecting you and treating you badly, in the beginning, you didn't recognize it for what it was.

 

Yelling at him isn't going to help you. You want to change this guy into someone who not only talks but also listens. If you don't have a house and kids and aren't married to this...guy, your best bet is to get out NOW and find a good, nice, talkative guy who loves you for who you are (a talkative person) and who likes listening to what you have to say.

 

You can't take a frog and turn him into a prince.

 

If he were just a quiet guy, this situation would be workable but earplugs?