Loni Posted June 25, 2011 Posted June 25, 2011 Nothing wrong with wanting things on your terms (great gig if you can swing it) but you can't be upset when the other person doesn't like your terms and picks up they toys and leaves.
fooled once Posted June 26, 2011 Posted June 26, 2011 I hope you can see that she needs someone who will love and respect her as she deserves; not a MM who isn't leaving. Let her go and leave her alone. If you plan to stay married, fix the issues. But don't get involved in another affair - it isn't fair to the women, unless you tell them straight up you only want sex. You can always find a pro to pay to relieve your needs.
RepairMinded Posted June 27, 2011 Posted June 27, 2011 Need some advice on the mess I am in. I am the MM and she is the "accidental" OW. The advice is: Don't have affairs. What else do you need to know? We met when we were both married. That's what makes it an affair. One or both are married. In this case both makes it doubly bad. We became the best of friends but it was platonic at the start. She had problems with her marriage (not because of me - or at least that is what she said). I guess she found a shoulder to lean on with me. Maybe because of the stresses and lack of sexual outlet, we became FWB. No you became FWB because you're both cheaters lacking in integrity. After her divorce, she wanted me to divorce also and marry her. That's romantic. She started giving ultimatums, at first implied and then becoming more and more explicit. Long story short, I said I cannot. Yes O.K. Then that's the end of it. I am fine with losing the B of the FWB, I think I am very much mature enough to put that behind me and I actually wanted her to do the same. And I say this without ulterior motives, she can introduce to me her new fiance if she has one in the future. She didn't want to though. What don't you understand? I tried to ask her to step back and remember the time we had before all of the complications when there was nothing sexual. But apparently, it is all or nothing for her. She cannot step back to that time. Too bad for you then. I always knew that the FWB part would stop at some point but I did not foresee she would go on an all or nothing proposition. She said she would rather not see me again and refuses to talk to me. That's all then. Putting myself in her shoes, I think I understand 60% of her reasons but I would really like someone to elaborate more and tell me the 'obvious'. She is sick of wasting any more of her time with a selfish cheater. Is that clear enough for you? Easily, she was my best friend in life and had I met her earlier would have easily married her on the first ultimatum. But she has moved on and is out of my life. She should never have let you into her life in the first place. Please explain to me so that I myself can move on as well. You're both cheaters. You served a function in her life, she served a function in yours. That's what affairs are about--two people using each other. Post her divorce, you've outlived your usefulness to her, unless the relationship is on her terms (you divorce your wife, remarry her). She's smart enough to know that, as a cheater yourself, you will use any continued contact or relationship as a way to "angle"/manipulate the situation to your advantage--because that's exactly what she would do. (Most likely she suspects you have the ulterior motive of wanting to keep the door open to resuming sexual activity in the future if circumstances permit.) Next.
cheergirl Posted July 2, 2011 Posted July 2, 2011 Need some advice on the mess I am in. I am the MM and she is the "accidental" OW. We met when we were both married. We became the best of friends but it was platonic at the start. She had problems with her marriage (not because of me - or at least that is what she said). I guess she found a shoulder to lean on with me. Maybe because of the stresses and lack of sexual outlet, we became FWB. After her divorce, she wanted me to divorce also and marry her. She started giving ultimatums, at first implied and then becoming more and more explicit. Long story short, I said I cannot. I am fine with losing the B of the FWB, I think I am very much mature enough to put that behind me and I actually wanted her to do the same. And I say this without ulterior motives, she can introduce to me her new fiance if she has one in the future. I tried to ask her to step back and remember the time we had before all of the complications when there was nothing sexual. But apparently, it is all or nothing for her. She cannot step back to that time. I always knew that the FWB part would stop at some point but I did not foresee she would go on an all or nothing proposition. She said she would rather not see me again and refuses to talk to me. Putting myself in her shoes, I think I understand 60% of her reasons but I would really like someone to elaborate more and tell me the 'obvious'. Easily, she was my best friend in life and had I met her earlier would have easily married her on the first ultimatum. But she has moved on and is out of my life. Please explain to me so that I myself can move on as well. I'm sorry dude...that's hard... I went through something like that... Lost my BF, he doesn't talk to me because it has to be all or nothing for him too... I can never do all, but I miss him so much, I think he misses me too but he chooses deny himself (and me) rather than enjoy whatever life has to offer... You cannot make someone take you back, I know, I tried... BTW, you sound like a decent guy...
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