Broke up in 2008 but remained friends with benefit, she is moving in with a guy

[Junkshakemail]

So a short story about my relationship.we dated for almost three years and we broke up 2008 since, we got over the break up and became really good close friends and a family friend (since then we helped each other out soo much) and then became friends with benefit until recently. We both dated other people on and off since then.

 

Now she has got serious with a guy and is moving from here to a city 6 hours from here. I have been soo comfortable with her we both hung out every week and did stuffs. Now its really hard since she is moving away and to be with some one else (I know it might seem like I never got over her) I want to get over her now. She genuinely cares for me as a friend but it hurts thinking about her with some one else.

 

I have deleted her off my facebook since I was constantly checking up on her and hurting my self ( is that a good idea) and I told her that we cant be friends since they guy doesnt like her talking to my now any ways and I could't imagine how he would feel after she moves in. And she was like I dont care what he wants and she wants to be in touch with me constantly and said she would talk to my behind his back (I thought that was a really bad idea, so I removed her off my phone and facebook)

 

I am feeling really hurt that she is moving away to be with some one through and I am feeling lonely since we did stuff together every week like movies,dinners etc. I thought I had moved on and lost emotional attachment, but now I am feeling really hurt.

 

 

Please help me and thank you

Edited June 23, 2011 by draxz1289

[wilsonx]

This is why you cant remain friends after a relationship ending... its impossible because this happens

[Fufu]

I will say this time opportunity to move on and away the pain and start focusing on yourself.

[Wisteria]

Wow! This really mimics my situation, though my ex and I were never friends with benefits. I never had a problem with his last girlfriend, but now he's with someone else, and in the past few months we've had a major blow up. the problem with me (and it sounds like with you) is that my ex keeps INSISTING we stay friends. He has stayed in constant contact with me, gotten me to reluctantly do business for him (he wrote me a bad check, and then accidentally had a package sent to my house), even though his new girl is now visiting him in his country. Since she arrived he has started commenting like crazy on my Facebook page. I don't know which one of us (maybe both!) he's trying to make jealous.

 

my problem is this: I still have a bunch of his stuff stored at my house, and he has resisted the idea of letting me take it to one of his friends' houses (as I said, he lives in another country so he can't come get it himself). Yesterday I told him that I was going to box up his stuff and take it somewhere because I need the space. He completely flipped out over and insisted he had only a small number of things there, and that I needed to keep them until he could get back in the fall. I took a photo of the huge pile of stuff and sent it to him, and basically he had to give in. I thought this was great -- he would have no excuse to come back to my house when he returns to the US. But then he insisted that I have a bunch of tools that he needed to go through, because some of the tools were his, and some were gifts to me. As far as I'm concerned, all the tools are his. I don't care about them and he can take them all if he wants. But I really don't want him coming back to my house, and it looks like he's going to find a way to do it whether I want him to or not. I'm really not sure what to do about these tools. I'm thinking I'll put them in my shed, and tell him to come by and look through them when I'm not home. I know I won't have to worry about this until the fall, but it's making me angry now.

 

I had been trying to diminish our friendship, but keep things on a positive note. But I'm thinking I needed to just stop all contact with him at the very beginning.

[Junkshakemail]

Wow ur going through exactly what I am going through. This time I really want to move on. I have deleted her off my Facebook. I had a log chat with her since after all Edgar been through I though she deserved to know.

 

I told her we can't be friends she is getting serious with some one (even thinking abt marrying him) and she said she loves him dearly I said it would not work out since theguy would obviousily would not want her to talk to me and she kept telling me that's ok I will still talk to you since I'm her best friend and can't live with out me etc.

She still keep telling me she wants to be friends which for now I can't since I get hurt every time she talks about him.

 

To tell you the truth after I deleted her number and her Facebook I found some closure. I feel you should do the same too.

Meeting him would be a really bad idea even to give his stuff. Dont allow that to happen and since you feel that most of the stuff is his then he ca just comeand collect it. Take it off your life and it would give you some closure trust me.

[Wisteria]

Yeah, I took a bunch of his stuff to his friend's house today, including some stuff he told me to hold on to for him (not valuable stuff, just some canned goods of all things!). That felt really good to do.

 

My question is this, and it affect all our situations. Why are our exes insisting we be friends, even after we tell them we need space? Do they just want to hurt us? Are they thinking they will keep us on the back burner in case their new relationship doesn't work out? Are they really and truly trying to be a friend, but not understanding that it would be kinder to let us go? Are they trying to make us jealous with constant talk about their new love? I really don't know, and would love to get an answer.

[coolheadal]

I am still married but it's ended just need to get out of here. Takes time to pack at the last minute. She's leaving too getting an apartment. But one thing has struck me as you know they want to be friends. Love me as her friend but not the other way as husband and wife would. But I feel she'll use me to get things she need for credit check or anything you needs. Have mail forward or stuff sent to my other home. I not accepting anything and I will inform the mail man an etc. I am not going to be used. That's what she does with her family all the important stuff doesn't come here in the mail it goes to her parent home. I don't want her to start a new trend and have it start coming to me.

 

Again best not to stay friends with the ex no my matter they do for you, otherwise you end up hurt in the end.

[Wisteria]

@coolheadal that's so funny that you mention mail. My ex was having all his US based mail forwarded to my address. I gladly dealt with it for three years, though looking back on it, I have no reason why. It was obvious he was using me. We also had a credit card together. I put in a change of address for him (he claimed he did it, but somehow didn't do it right) and cancelled the credit card we had together. He was very upset about both of those things. Now he's holding on to the idea of coming to my house and going through the tools because he insists they are only half his, and that the rest were presents to me and he needs to leave them with me, or take them and give me money. I don't care about the damn tools! I just want him to have NO reason to come to my house!

 

It seems to me that perhaps our exes are doing a lot of using us. they know how we feel about them, and know we will do anything for them. And they're also trying to be friends in order to alleviate their guilt over using us.

[coolheadal]

@coolheadal that's so funny that you mention mail. My ex was having all his US based mail forwarded to my address. I gladly dealt with it for three years, though looking back on it, I have no reason why. It was obvious he was using me. We also had a credit card together. I put in a change of address for him (he claimed he did it, but somehow didn't do it right) and cancelled the credit card we had together. He was very upset about both of those things. Now he's holding on to the idea of coming to my house and going through the tools because he insists they are only half his, and that the rest were presents to me and he needs to leave them with me, or take them and give me money. I don't care about the damn tools! I just want him to have NO reason to come to my house!

 

It seems to me that perhaps our exes are doing a lot of using us. they know how we feel about them, and know we will do anything for them. And they're also trying to be friends in order to alleviate their guilt over using us.

 

Very true. Stand up to yours.. Other wise your get dusty. Doormats do. Mine now said KEEP AWAY instead of WELCOME!