Blcomeau Posted June 23, 2011 Posted June 23, 2011 I am 25 & 6 months pregnant w/ baby #3 and my (apparently soon to be ex) husband is 28. A month ago he didnt come home from work, no text replies, no answered phone call. That next afternoon I showed up at his work and said about how he never came home or called and I noticed his wedding ring is off. He said he'd been thinking. So he finally gets off work and we are walking back to his mother's house (where we'd been living for several months) when he tells me that he was at his best friend's house and he's slept with the girl that lives there with his friend's gf. I dont know if it was shock or lack of surprise but I was very calm the whole time he is packing his clothes and saying that he's liked this girl for a few weeks now and he thinks he wants her now & that he wants a divorce. Now I say lack of surprise because 2 years ago I had a one night stand and with this revelation Im guessing he never really forgave me like he said he did. So Im at my mothers house with our kids and I find out from his mom that his new gf is also pregnant (a month more than I) and she has 2 kids at the same age as ours. I'm at a tug of war with myself for in my head I know I need to let him go because he threw me away and replaced me. He gets to live with his best friend & new gf & theres video games & he will never run out of cigarettes & he doesnt have to deal with our screaming kids. So he's like golden right now. And that he is just claiming that 'our relationship is different' as an excuse to do what he wants. My heart aches for him and I kick myself sometimes when I think how I hurt him and this is all my fault. Then my brain comes back with several examples of how I wasnt happy and been hurt by him before and after my indescretion. Then my heart says that deep down he is still the man I loved and I just gotta wait until this chick dumps him the way she did her kids father. This whole thing ruins every day for me because Im having his baby, she is having someone else's and Im living off my mom until the state gives me assistance to put toward housing. He has never once texted to ask about the kids and I have lost the will to chase him and talk him into seeing them. So Ive stopped that. It seems like I married an immature guy and the guy I thought I knew is gone. I'm afraid to really ask again where our relationship is going because I probably already know and I dont want to hear that, anyway. So should I just cut my losses and tell my heart to shut up or do I wait this out and see if my husband comes back, because Im not really ready to move on yet.....?
Fool for Love Posted June 23, 2011 Posted June 23, 2011 Hi. Sorry for your pain. I think you're handling the situation right by not getting hysterical or chasing him. I don't know how a man can voluntarily leave his kids--let alone leave them to go raise someone else's! But your husband doesn't sound like the kind of guy who will stick with this new girl after she has the baby. (By the way, where's the unborn baby's father?) I don't know much about legal matters, but I bet he is responsible for helping support his kids. I would look into that if I were you. Don't let him get away with dumping you and the kids and leaving you to fend for yourselves. It sounds like he doesn't work if he can be lured by video games and free cigarettes. If not, he needs to get a job and help you out. He doesn't sound like much of a prize, either. So stop blaming yourself for his misbehavior. Not every man has a revenge affair. Hang in there.
Fool for Love Posted June 23, 2011 Posted June 23, 2011 (edited) To answer your question: Yes, cut your losses and move on--with his financial assistance of course. Edited June 23, 2011 by Fool for Love Word choice.
Author Blcomeau Posted June 23, 2011 Author Posted June 23, 2011 His new gf is living there with her 2 kids. Their father was there with them for a bit until he lost/quit his job & she kicked him out of that house. I wonder if she thinks that my husband's paycheck is her ticket out of there... In which case she will be sorely mistaken as he has run up every utility in his name and he already pays child support for a girl he fathered before he married me, not to mention hes about to pay for my 2 kids & the one thats coming in a few months. When its written out like this, my husband really does seem like a bum.... It feels a lot better to put it all into words and see it there in black & white. My tired brain cant keep it in anymore, heh.
BetterDays Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 His new gf is living there with her 2 kids. Their father was there with them for a bit until he lost/quit his job & she kicked him out of that house. I wonder if she thinks that my husband's paycheck is her ticket out of there... In which case she will be sorely mistaken as he has run up every utility in his name and he already pays child support for a girl he fathered before he married me, not to mention hes about to pay for my 2 kids & the one thats coming in a few months. When its written out like this, my husband really does seem like a bum.... It feels a lot better to put it all into words and see it there in black & white. My tired brain cant keep it in anymore, heh. You're on the right track of thinking. He left you and you have every right to feel the way you do. Being abandoned sucks.
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