Sew2289 Posted June 23, 2011 Posted June 23, 2011 So I'm in a situation where some of my friends are also friends with my ex. One of them has a 21st approaching in a month where, of course, both of us are invited. We broke up about a month ago and I have been in NC as of last week. I know it would be super detrimental to "getting over her" to actually attend the party and see her, but if I don't go, it would seem obvious to not only her but to everyone why I wouldn't. I don't want to continue living my life around her and it feels like if I do go, it might show that I've "moved on" and don't care about her being there. Or it could send out signals that I attended at the hopes of something happening again. Anyone suggest what I should do at all or has anyone else been in similar scenarios?
shortee143 Posted June 23, 2011 Posted June 23, 2011 hey Sew2289 - figured I'd share my situation/advice, as my ex and I have tons of mutual friends and I see him all the time, at least 8 or 9 times in the 3 months we have been apart. I'll spare the long details- but of course, he broke my heart, and now I have been left with the oh crap we have tons of mutual friends, get invited to all the same events, he lives with some of said friends. For the first month- I avoided it all, but as you said, you dont want to continue living your life around her. A lot of people go no contact totally, and hurt, then heal. A bit harder when it is more complicated than that. I can tell you in the few months- I have gone thru it all with the ex...the ex sex, the lack of closure, the finally getting some closure, the lies, the hearing about or seeing him with other girls, etc..it is def not pleasant, but I face it! Is it harder to move on sure? But I dont want to miss out on all the great events with friends. It will sting, hurt, etc for you to see her. I dont know the context of your breakup- but seeing an ex is tough, esp in the beginning. It has been a hard road for me, but now 3 months out, I am getting there, and still hanging with my friends, all whilst seeing my ex too. It is torture seeing him with another girl, or go up to his room with her...but it also gives me the fuel to move on bc he has no tact and acts like a jerkoff! See, who knew, seeing him, helped me!! I am taking the approach of being as mature as can be (it isnt always easy) but I do my best to enjoy the company of my friends, say hello to him, but otherwise, keep a distance. It is a choice you'll make. A lot of my friends tell me they could never handle this situation like I do. But I think you can do it Dont let someone else force you to miss out on memories with others. However, if you feel you cant handle it, no shame in bowing out of a few events. It'll get easier...bc it has too Sorry for the lengthy response, I just totally understand this breakup, ex, mutual friend thing all too well, and I feel for ya bc it is tough!
Chi townD Posted June 23, 2011 Posted June 23, 2011 I agree with shortee. YOU have to decide what you're comfortable with. If you feel that the situation is still too raw, then bow out. If your friends are truely your friends, they'll understand. If you feel you can go and be okay, then go! Have a good time! However, I have to stress, if you go, keep your contact with her at a minimum. If she approachs you and starts up a conversation, keep it pleasant and SHORT!!!! Have fun! Don't let her see you mope about and being distant. Show her that you're doing great, having fun and moving on without her. Oh, it's someones 21st so keep the drinking in moderation. If you get drunk, you might start to mouth off and say some stuff you normally would say if you were sober, if you get my meaning. That would be hard. You've heard of drunk dialing, well the person you would dial is going to be right there.
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted June 23, 2011 Posted June 23, 2011 I agree with shortee and chi townd, but I would like to point out that you may be over analysing what others might think whether you attend or not.
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