latexyankee Posted June 23, 2011 Posted June 23, 2011 So I had this overwhelming feeling that she was going to stop by after work today, I deliberately sat outside on the porch reading because i didn't want to miss her. Thing is, she has concert tickets i bought for us 3 weeks ago for this sat night. I dropped them off in a letter at her house the day after she ended it (in an omitted excuse to get her back) and told her that i bought them for her and i want her to have them. So as it inches closer to saturday, i'm checking the mailbox and the inside of my screen doors like a madman, literally every hour. I dont want the tickets, i dont want to see them, touch them or smell them...but I DO want to see her, though I know I shouldn't. If i find them i could get $250 outta 'em show is sold out. But I'm ****ing nuts, today was harder than ever. i've never been good at NC. But I'm trying this time. It's been closing on 2 weeks, but i'm nowhere in my head. Every second of EVERY day still. AAAARRRRRGGGHHHHHH. I been NC since the day after she ended it, and every minute I want to txt I MISS YOU. I'm reading all these books and trying to improve, doing all these mental and spiritual exercises, and I just feel worn out. The more I try to focus on myself, the more I think about everything. All this self-help just reminds me of why I am doing it....because I'm a guilty feeling ****bag. Uggghhhh...sorry
FeelingSmall Posted June 23, 2011 Posted June 23, 2011 Maybe you should take a day off of reading the self help stuff and focusing on what's wrong with you. One day just go out and do something for you. Go see a movie, buy yourself something you've been wanting, call an old friend and reconnect, got out for a coffee. Go to a park and people watch. It's great that you want to improve, and we all should do it, but don't sit around and just punish yourself. Have a day, you deserve it. Keep strong with the NC and don't hold your breath on getting those tickets back :/.... Good luck
Author latexyankee Posted June 23, 2011 Author Posted June 23, 2011 Yea. I planned on buying something I've been putting off for awhile. But going to a park, a movie, alone or unintoxicated is misery. Unless i buck up and talk to some girls. I dunno I'm feeling ok one day and horrible the next. I'm not even on FB and i looked up her profile today, crap, felt like **** all day after that. Guess I'll just rant. My thing is the guilt, i had two chances at this 3 years apart to no avail. The first was my fault for being a continuous dick for a year, but this last time it was both of us(even though i'm sure she thinks it was all me).
FeelingSmall Posted June 23, 2011 Posted June 23, 2011 Yea. I planned on buying something I've been putting off for awhile. But going to a park, a movie, alone or unintoxicated is misery. Unless i buck up and talk to some girls. I dunno I'm feeling ok one day and horrible the next. I'm not even on FB and i looked up her profile today, crap, felt like **** all day after that. Guess I'll just rant. My thing is the guilt, i had two chances at this 3 years apart to no avail. The first was my fault for being a continuous dick for a year, but this last time it was both of us(even though i'm sure she thinks it was all me). Ok, you can't keep beating yourself up, and you must forgive yourself. She had obviously since you had gotten back together after the fact. This last time it was a "two to tango" deal, and most times it is. Try to resist looking at her fb, it's only going to make you miserable. Keep working on yourself, but lighten up. Everyone makes mistakes, you learn from them and move on. Trust me, there are LOTS of girls out there. Go out buy that thing you want, and seriously, nothing wrong with taking a book to the park and laying in the sun watching the bodies go by.
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted June 23, 2011 Posted June 23, 2011 you can also go fishing, there's nothing like going out by the water (or on the water if you have a boat), experiencing nature, hopefully catching fish, and it's a great time to really reflect on what happened because there's no way you can check FB, well unless you have a cell with internet. we all have good and bad days, and I will admit that I behaved the same way you are now for a long time. currently I'm still reading books and working on myself but my goal changed from getting her back to just being a better person in general, and now I have my eyes set on a new girl so hopefully my self work has paid off.
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