thelovingkind Posted June 23, 2011 Posted June 23, 2011 I think the G.I.G.S label is ascribed to far too many break-ups around here. In my opinion the simple truth is that very, very few people - even in their early twenties - break up with someone that they are crazy about, deeply attracted to, profoundly in love with and love to be around. A lot of the symptoms in homebrew's post on the subject - wishy washiness, the dumper not being sure why they're breaking up, etc. are in my opinion just as compatible with a "S/he's just not that into you" explanation. When feelings and attractions for someone erode, it can be just as difficult for the dumper to accept and convey than the dumpee. G.I.G.S just makes a more easily digestible explanation. For the dumpee, "Things were pretty much perfect for us, but they just couldn't get a grip of that nagging sense that there is something better out there" is more palatable than "Things were pretty much perfect for me, but whether it's because I'm boring, shy or just not as attractive as the person they intend to end up with, my feelings were no longer reciprocated". For the dumper, "I do love you, but I feel like there's more out there for me" is gentler than "I'm sorry, but I feel weird being with you sexually anymore". The telling moment in my own past is that my first boyfriend actually broke up with me by starting to explain that he was beginning to see me as "more of a friend than a partner". When I was naturally mortified and kept pressing him awkwardly on questions of my physical desirability, he started to backtrack and shift the explanation more toward the pat explanations of "It was moving too fast / I'm not ready to settle down yet" kind of thing. I definitely think there's truth behind the idea of G.I.G.S. We often wonder if there's a better life out there for us most of the time. As a restless, agitated soul this afflicts me particularly. I was decimated by my last ex breaking up with me, but even right toward the end I was still idly entertaining thoughts in my mind about leaving the country, going back to the single life, etc. As soon as I felt my relationship slipping away, however, all those fantasies evaporated and I locked down and fought like hell to hold on to what I was losing. I know now I could never have initiated the break up to pursue those idle day-dreams. So I think G.I.G.S is better understood as an experience within otherwise happy relationships that can lead to tensions when one person starts taking what they have for granted and not putting in as much effort as they should to keep things alive, perhaps because they wrongly assume the grass is greener elsewhere. This could, in turn, lead to conflict and ultimately breaking up. But I think G.I.G.S is almost never a reason for a break up that comes calmly and out of the blue; in those cases, the bitter pill to swallow involves accepting they're probably just not that into you. Just my experiences and thoughts but keen to know what you think
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