men how long did it take for your ego or self esteem to come back?

[Mixed28]

When weget dumped by a girl we love or really like our ego gets shot down aswell. How long did it take for your ego to come back?

[USMCHokie]

I never had self esteem. And my ego is just a running joke.

[Movingthrough]

No one can give you a time to put on it but all a break up does is force you to look at yourself, and if your ego is "hit" during one, then you have some issues that need to be fixed.

 

My problem was being by myself just hanging out or whatever, i would kind of get down and question a lot of what i am. Not in a crazy way, but just kind of "wonder" about certain aspects of me. Out in public or with my friends i wasnt like that at all, mostly because i would see others and feel good about my qualites.

 

Start putting more focus on you and not the break up or your ex. Write things down, read, exercise and move around. Easier said then done, but once you start doing it, it helps.

[HeartOfAPhoenix]

about 10 weeks for me, but I would say it depends on how dedicated you are to move on. if you need a little inspiration/motivation you can read my post about how being in the right mindset can help you do anything

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t283875/

[Trovador]

My ego and self esteem are fine, in fact they might be too healthy, as I am completely sure that next guy will have it hard, but sometimes women prefer a jock rather than a funny, geeky, curious, smart guy...

 

But of course I've had my share of sadness and pain, but in all truth I never was a wreck, so it took me just some days to be myself again...

 

Something that helps me is this little thing called Acceptance...

[california15]

I think the more active you are in your moving on process, the quicker it will happen.

 

If you sit around like a bump on a log and don't do anything and stop living life, whos to say when it will come back?!

 

But if you get out and do things you like, focus on school/career, do new things, meet little goals, it will probably happen sooner.

 

I know this was redundant but I'm helping myself in posting this because I'm struggling too in getting it back.

[coltsfan1]

I think the more active you are in your moving on process, the quicker it will happen.

 

If you sit around like a bump on a log and don't do anything and stop living life, whos to say when it will come back?!

 

But if you get out and do things you like, focus on school/career, do new things, meet little goals, it will probably happen sooner.

 

I know this was redundant but I'm helping myself in posting this because I'm struggling too in getting it back.

 

 

VERY accurate advice!!

 

It took me a solid 6 months to get back out there and it didn't take long for it to come back. Hardest thing for me was letting mutual friends go.. Also I think single gals pick up on how confident we as men are just by our body language.

 

 

Would be nice to have any of the gals on the site commit on this subject!!!!!!!

[california15]

** I'm a girl

[coltsfan1]

** I'm a girl

 

 

Didn't want to assume!!

[JasonRules]

It took me about 3-4 months, which includes the months she was stringing me along and me slowly trying to date again. Dating help me regain my confidence. I've never had a problem with self-esteem. I have plenty of that, but when the person you love is shooting you down, it takes a toll on your confidence.

 

I'm fine now in terms of my desirability, confidence, and self-esteem and there are plenty of women who want to go out with me and date me. Working out helped me a lot to overcome the pain i felt.

 

I do not feel pain anymore. Sometimes I feel angry or resentful, other times I miss her, but the pain is gone. In another 3-6 months I'll be flying high.

 

Ultimately you are your own worst enemy. If you allow yourself to be broken, you will be. If you stay strong with fortitude you will weather this "storm".

[california15]

coltsfan: haha I understand. My avatar may have given it away but just wanted to clarify

 

and you're right; women can tell alot about men's confidence levels just by body language and the way they interact with their friends

 

I think the bottom line to anyone getting their confidence back, is to be patient with yourself.

[wilsonx]

My confidence was shot big time at the end of our relationship. Big time, I knew she was lying to me, I knew she was emotionally cheating on me, probably physically too, I caught her at a bar with the guy and then she had the nerve to break up with me. Honestly I was a wreck for a week or 2. The second I went NC and I stuck it down, I started to drift away from her. I see her for the lying cheating/immature person she is.

 

Shes trying to string me along as a friend to help with her own ego and conscious but its never going to happen.

 

We have been broken up for a month now and I have gained most of my confidence back. I go out by myself now and sometimes with friends to meet new people, whether it be barnes and noble, the gym, the mall, bars, I say hi to everyone thats friendly and if its a cute girl, I'll give them a cute wink and smile and walk away

 

=)

 

I've always been really strong alpha male until the end of this relationship, I spiraled into Beta the last 3 months because of her lying and cheating and push pull bull**** she played with me

[Lemontang]

Agree with California16. The longer you sit around pinning, mopping etc... the longer it takes. The 1st thing I did when I broke up with an ex of mine was buy a motorbike and really lived it up easy rider style. Sure I had some set backs when you have the 5mins to yourself and your mind starts drifting we all do. Heck for a time I would have even considered taking her back, despite the crap she put me through (No flipping way now, ergh! I was clearly insane then to even consider that).

All up it took me about 6 months before I finally realised that the only person that can help her is herself (she's an alcoholic, amongst other things). But once the fogs cleared and you have your sense of self back you realise how much one can compromise ones self in a realtionship that often leads to the breakup.

 

At the very least get busy or active and step outside the box. Look into something you've always wanted to do but to scared to consider because you were in a relationship. Skydiving's a great activity and I can assure you your mind will most certainly be on the moment rather than a persons, or take up Salsa dancing and get to dance with some damn fine women, these are just suggestions mind you. But I think you get my drift if your looking for things to really take your mind off things for a bit longer than 5 minutes whilst at the same time get some confidence back into you.

[coltsfan1]

I agree pinning is BAD!!! Trust me I pined for months, and it ate away at me like cancer.... Doing something different is key to a faster recovery!! I was very lucky I found a couple that was around for the tail end of my last relationship and they have stood by me encouraging me to grow ever since.

[betterdeal]

Gosh, it's my subconscious that's needed the most care and attention recently. I'd say about 3 months after changing my phone number was when I had my last wave of strong emotion, and since then every thing has been a lot calmer and more free.

 

So, I'd say, 3 months.

[errlack]

working out is great for your self-esteem. I feel better now than I did in the relationship.

[jHawk]

Its not a matter of how long it takes for your ego or self-esteem to come back. Its how long you take to find something to replace the part of your life that she used to occupy

[lalalandman]

I was just about to say, I got mine back within the first week of the breakup, from dating, and especially because the girls I went out with really liked me. But it's really just a helpful nudge forward, not really closure.