whichwayisup Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 Just got back from a lunch date with a guy I met on POF. It's too bad that I can't date him because you could cut the sexual chemistry with a knife! He's incredibly cute- 43 years old and he looked early 30's. - 9 months out of a 16 year marriage - He admitted to straying a few times during the course of their marriage - His last date from pof was 22 years old - He talked a lot about his ex. - He actually said that the last girl he dated was perfect for him but he couldn't do it because she had a 3 year old. (perfect? strange thing to tell someone you are on a date with, lol). - He talked a lot about himself. The straying thing was the thing that stood out the most. Does everyone talk about ex's on a first date? I encounter this often. It clearly shows where your head is at when you talk at length about your ex on a first date. It was a fun date though- lasted for a few hours, and it's good to know that men close to my age can still look really hot. Physically, he's my type in every way- but I'd be ridiculous to get involved given the red flags. He texted saying he had a great time and wanted to know when he could see me again. I was just straight up with him. It's hard to be logical and deny such an intense physical attraction!! Oh well, all this dating is really helping me to get over the ex. Only read your opening post... Hey, atleast this guy was honest. He didn't have to tell you such things (straying in his marriage) he could have hidden all that.. So, what did you say to him ??
whichwayisup Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 I didn't respond to his email, then I got a text about an hour ago from him saying I didn't look as good in real life as I do in my pics:mad: I know he's being bitter- but it really pissed me off. His fat head ego is bruised! Ignore him. It'll bug him..
Author D-Lish Posted June 24, 2011 Author Posted June 24, 2011 Only read your opening post... Hey, atleast this guy was honest. He didn't have to tell you such things (straying in his marriage) he could have hidden all that.. So, what did you say to him ?? A lot happened, lol. I said I wasn't interested and listed why. He sent me an email trying to explain the red flags I brought up to convince me to have a second date, I didn't reply. He took a pot shot at me and told me I actually didn't look as pretty in person as I did in my pics.
pandagirl Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 Thanks Panda, But you know what? His little dig at the end was enough to really play with my head. OK, I understand, but c'mon -- what a pathetic attempt! That's like the equivalent of an 8-year-old boy telling you you're ugly, because he actually likes you. It's really just so lame and sad on his part.
johan Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 Thanks Panda, But you know what? His little dig at the end was enough to really play with my head. It shouldn't be. His request for a second date, not to mention his tantrum when you turned him down, is confirmation that he thinks you're easily hot enough to date. The real life version of you. Not the one in pictures.
2sunny Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 he's looking for sex. he's trying to see if you will ALLOW him to treat you badly = that way he would know if you are weak enough for him to take advantage and walk all over you. predator types test their prey to see who is most vulnerable... you resisted his lame attempts to diminish your value. since you are much stronger than the gal he's searching for - it isn't a good fit. stay strong - stay on path. eliminating these men that are users and mean spirited at your expense is always a good idea. don't give that a-hole another thought.
Author D-Lish Posted June 24, 2011 Author Posted June 24, 2011 His fat head ego is bruised! Ignore him. It'll bug him.. I found that out quickly:p It still bugs me. My original intent for the course of this thread was to illustrate that as people struggling in the dating world- we need to recognize red flags while at the same time stick to our guns- Value what we deserve and not invite bad things into our lives given the knowledge we have. OK, I understand, but c'mon -- what a pathetic attempt! That's like the equivalent of an 8-year-old boy telling you you're ugly, because he actually likes you. It's really just so lame and sad on his part. Yeah possibly, and most probably. Still stung, I hate having self esteem issues. It shouldn't be. His request for a second date, not to mention his tantrum when you turned him down, is confirmation that he thinks you're easily hot enough to date. The real life version of you. Not the one in pictures. I don't know, that's what the logic tells me- but I'm struggling now after hearing the final blow. he's looking for sex. he's trying to see if you will ALLOW him to treat you badly = that way he would know if you are weak enough for him to take advantage and walk all over you. predator types test their prey to see who is most vulnerable... you resisted his lame attempts to diminish your value. since you are much stronger than the gal he's searching for - it isn't a good fit. stay strong - stay on path. eliminating these men that are users and mean spirited at your expense is always a good idea. don't give that a-hole another thought. Thanks, I didn't consider him after 15 minutes of meeting him, and you're right- I shouldn't give him another thought.
welikeincrowds Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 I found that out quickly:p It still bugs me. My original intent for the course of this thread was to illustrate that as people struggling in the dating world- we need to recognize red flags while at the same time stick to our guns- Value what we deserve and not invite bad things into our lives given the knowledge we have. Yeah possibly, and most probably. Still stung, I hate having self esteem issues. I don't know, that's what the logic tells me- but I'm struggling now after hearing the final blow. Thanks, I didn't consider him after 15 minutes of meeting him, and you're right- I shouldn't give him another thought. As another one of the millions on this planet who have self-esteem issues, I can commiserate here. The guy is a blatant *******, I mean textbook, and it's infuriating that even people like that can take their big clumsy hamfists and push your self-esteem button, because doing so requires no tact. Although I suppose the ones who are graceful about it can **** you up way harder. I think that your reasoned self-awareness is a display of strength on your part. It may not feel very strong to have your feelings hurt, but they're feelings after all, and you don't get to decide what to feel and when (if only we could!).
2sunny Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 his negative energy has has some effect on you - but you don't have to believe any of his negativity he's spewing... after all he's an egomaniac that's flashy - and openly admits that he's a cheater! be grateful he showed his true nature so glaringly... most men are smart enough to cover some of that up - but this one just seems dumb as a rock on top of everything else. he was setting you up to see if you were interested in being his doormat. that kind of negative energy could never be attractive - no matter how nice a car he's driving!
Nexus One Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 (edited) His comment proves that you dodged a bullet. The guy was possibly a player in my opinion: - He cheated. - He disrespected you. (classic player behavior, as they tend to disrespect all women in general, his cheating might be evidence for that too.) - Showing up on a date in a Porsche. This could mean he's either a major car enthausiast, as Porsche's with good engines are very good cars, or he only has the car to woo women. (Note that that doesn't necessarily make him successful though, because Porsche's aren't necessarily that expensive. Almost all Porsches look fairly the same at first glance, but prices vary immensely. It's particularly the engine that makes the difference. You could have 2 similarly looking Porsches stand next to each other and not notice the difference between the one that costs $20k and the one that costs $250k.That being said, there are car tuning companies out there that can make a $5k car look like a $100k car for another $5k worth of external tuning. So don't ever let a guy's car be a factor in whether he woo's you or not.) Edited June 24, 2011 by Nexus One
dispatch3d Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 hummm guys mistake is he gives you way too much information. Not even kidding.
GivenUp0083 Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 How a woman can "struggle" with finding a good man online dating is beyond me. The system is so skewed in their favor and they have all the options they could dream of. How do you NOT find a great guy within the first few months? How can you continue to date d-bags? Are women really that bad at judging personality and character?
iris219 Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 How a woman can "struggle" with finding a good man online dating is beyond me. The system is so skewed in their favor and they have all the options they could dream of. How do you NOT find a great guy within the first few months? How can you continue to date d-bags? Are women really that bad at judging personality and character? You make it sound like all a woman has to do is go online and she'll find Prince Charming. I've never done online dating, partly because of the negative feedback I get from my female friends. I have a friend who was doing it, but decided to stop and never do it again. She went on 20-25 dates, each worse than the other. Here's a small sampling: One guy was a witch and talked about his powers and the spells he cast (he gave no indication of this on his profile). One guy talked about his ex wife the entire date and ended up crying, in public. One guy, who she said seemed nice enough and possibly the most promising, began texting her pics of his penis, in different poses.
GivenUp0083 Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 You make it sound like all a woman has to do is go online and she'll find Prince Charming. I've never done online dating, partly because of the negative feedback I get from my female friends. I have a friend who was doing it, but decided to stop and never do it again. She went on 20-25 dates, each worse than the other. Here's a small sampling: One guy was a witch and talked about his powers and the spells he cast (he gave no indication of this on his profile). One guy talked about his ex wife the entire date and ended up crying, in public. One guy, who she said seemed nice enough and possibly the most promising, began texting her pics of his penis, in different poses. So basically you are proving my point. Women having poor judge in character. In two full years I was able to find 20 dates and I think I'm a pretty great guy with a lot to offer and have had relationships result from online dating. Your friend just wanted to go on dates, she didn't take the time to decide what she wanted and look for guys who are a good fit. Like I said, women have a ton of options, it's up to her to determine which of those men are the right ones. It's not our fault if she passed on a bunch of great guys to go out with weirdos.
vsmini Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 So basically you are proving my point. Women having poor judge in character. In two full years I was able to find 20 dates and I think I'm a pretty great guy with a lot to offer and have had relationships result from online dating. Your friend just wanted to go on dates, she didn't take the time to decide what she wanted and look for guys who are a good fit. Like I said, women have a ton of options, it's up to her to determine which of those men are the right ones. It's not our fault if she passed on a bunch of great guys to go out with weirdos. I love this. Your first paragraph generalizes the female gender. Then you end your rant by asking her not to generalize YOUR gender. And what about the relationships you've had? I'm guessing those women were a poor judgement of character? Since...you know...women are so bad at it? What children some of you people are. Men are stupid....Women are stupid. Stop blaming everyone for personal issues.
Nexus One Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 How a woman can "struggle" with finding a good man online dating is beyond me. The system is so skewed in their favor and they have all the options they could dream of. How do you NOT find a great guy within the first few months? How can you continue to date d-bags? Are women really that bad at judging personality and character? Honestly I would think it's quite hard for women who genuinely would want a serious relationship, because I suspect that more than half of the guys on those websites are only looking for casual sex, but nothing more. If I were a woman I'd ignore the gazillion "sup baby" messages too. Imagine getting your inbox flooded with superficial messages like that.
aj22one Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 You make it sound like all a woman has to do is go online and she'll find Prince Charming. I've never done online dating, partly because of the negative feedback I get from my female friends. I have a friend who was doing it, but decided to stop and never do it again. She went on 20-25 dates, each worse than the other. Here's a small sampling: One guy was a witch and talked about his powers and the spells he cast (he gave no indication of this on his profile). One guy talked about his ex wife the entire date and ended up crying, in public. One guy, who she said seemed nice enough and possibly the most promising, began texting her pics of his penis, in different poses. How do guys like that get dates and I can't even get one response from women with whom I have multiple things in common? Stuff like this just baffles me.
GivenUp0083 Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 Honestly I would think it's quite hard for women who genuinely would want a serious relationship, because I suspect that more than half of the guys on those websites are only looking for casual sex, but nothing more. If I were a woman I'd ignore the gazillion "sup baby" messages too. Imagine getting your inbox flooded with superficial messages like that. Hmmm, let me see....I would read the email: if it says "sup baby" I would just ignore it. If it was a well thought out email, describing something they liked about my profile and if they mentioned anything that interested in me, such as common interests, activities, trips, occupation. Then, my next step would be to actually look at their profile. Sure, pictures matter to some extent, but I've always found that pictures aren't as important when you meet in person. Some people choose poor pics of themselves, aren't photogenic (my case), or don't have many good recent photos so they look a little different in person. If their profile was legit, meaning they described themselves well and their profile matches their email sent to me about some common interests, good grammatical and spelling in their writing, and signs of intelligence and humor, I would then consider them a good potential date. What is so hard about that? If a girl ever sends me a one liner, I don't even respond, and I never felt like I got "a lot" of dates on dating sites. How do guys like that get dates and I can't even get one response from women with whom I have multiple things in common? Stuff like this just baffles me. Exactly. This is why women who date online typically have something seriously wrong with them. So even if you're picked from a lineup of a hundred guys, the likely scenario that she's even worth your time from an intelligence or personality standpoint is extremely low.
iris219 Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 Exactly. This is why women who date online typically have something seriously wrong with them. So even if you're picked from a lineup of a hundred guys, the likely scenario that she's even worth your time from an intelligence or personality standpoint is extremely low. So most guys who online date are Prince Charming and most women who online date are psycho? If that's the case, why do you even bother?
aj22one Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 So most guys who online date are Prince Charming and most women who online date are psycho? If that's the case, why do you even bother? Well I don't think the women online are psycho, I just assume I don't get responses because there must be something wrong with me and my concept of trying to date women who have similar interests as me. It seems like this strategy was a horrible one. I can't say whether or not all men are prince charming or what not, but I can only say that I'm a reasonably normal person who writes to similarly reasonably normal women on dating sites and I can't get a response to save my life.
GivenUp0083 Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 So most guys who online date are Prince Charming and most women who online date are psycho? I didn't say that. I said it shouldn't be rocket science in determining the good from the bad. Since you're into puting words in other's mouths, I'll pre-emptively make the case that this doesn't sure that you can pick your prince charming by using common sense alone, but you can increase your chances and eliminate some of the negative experiences associated with online dating if you used your head, decided what you actually want to get out of online dating, and then using that to decide which men might have the same goals. Women have so many options and so many emails from guys, I find it hard to believe that none of them were worth their time. I'm sure there were at least a couple decent guys that would have made fun and respectable dates if you pay attention to the right details. If that's the case, why do you even bother? I don't. As a guy it's against everything I believe in from a dating perspective and I no longer submit myself to that process. I'm better than that. I gave it my shot, had the good and bad, and I made a fair decision that it's a complete waste of time from a man's standpoint. I'll never go back.
GivenUp0083 Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 Well I don't think the women online are psycho, I just assume I don't get responses because there must be something wrong with me and my concept of trying to date women who have similar interests as me. It seems like this strategy was a horrible one. This is exactly what I'm talking about. Online dating makes guys think that being a respectful guy who emails based on personality and interests believe that it is the WRONG approach, and it makes them think something is wrong with them, when that is the furthest from the truth. Nothing is wrong with you AJ. I can't say whether or not all men are prince charming or what not, but I can only say that I'm a reasonably normal person who writes to similarly reasonably normal women on dating sites and I can't get a response to save my life. This is why you should stop. It will teach you the wrong concepts about women. You're trying to reach out to the wrong women. These women don't know how to appreciate, let alone recognize, decent normal dudes who would be a great date to say the least. Your approach, as normal as it seems, does not work in online dating. If you did anything else it would be considered not something you would normally do. Dating is about being true to yourself. Online dating does not allow for it. There's many other better ways to meet women. Don't waste your money any more online.
NoReallyThatHappened Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 He sounds like a 5 year old with no capacity for any kind of real or healthy relationship. I'm so glad to see you nexted this one! (And the FWB one too.)
Author D-Lish Posted June 25, 2011 Author Posted June 25, 2011 Hmmm, let me see....I would read the email: if it says "sup baby" I would just ignore it. If it was a well thought out email, describing something they liked about my profile and if they mentioned anything that interested in me, such as common interests, activities, trips, occupation. Then, my next step would be to actually look at their profile. Sure, pictures matter to some extent, but I've always found that pictures aren't as important when you meet in person. Some people choose poor pics of themselves, aren't photogenic (my case), or don't have many good recent photos so they look a little different in person. If their profile was legit, meaning they described themselves well and their profile matches their email sent to me about some common interests, good grammatical and spelling in their writing, and signs of intelligence and humor, I would then consider them a good potential date. What is so hard about that? Why in the world do you assume I don't do the same thing? It's exactly the same process I use. The true test is the first meeting- that's where you put your instincts to work. People can be whomever they want to be in "a profile".
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