Author D-Lish Posted June 24, 2011 Author Posted June 24, 2011 To make matters even worse, I met a guy for lunch today, and I really liked him- great style, great conversation, cute, smart and funny.... HE texted me about 20 minutes before this other guy and said he believed we had chemistry but the fact that I don't want to have kids is a deal breaker for him. He went on to ask if I'd be interested in FWB's. Not a "feel good" day for D-Lish.
Ruby Slippers Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 I didn't respond to his email, then I got a text about an hour ago from him saying I didn't look as good in real life as I do in my pics:mad: I know he's being bitter- but it really pissed me off. Thanks, dude, for confirming without a doubt that D-Lish was right to give you the boot!
SmileFace Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 Aww, feel better. First guy is an ass - plain and simple. And atleast the second guy was nice enough to be upfront. It wasn't a bad day. These guys just helped you save time if you had ended up dating them.
Author D-Lish Posted June 24, 2011 Author Posted June 24, 2011 Thanks, dude, for confirming without a doubt that D-Lish was right to give you the boot! Thanks Ruby. Logically I think to myself, if this guy didn't find me attractive, why was he texting me immediately asking when he could see me again. Why did he try so hard to explain away the things I said were red flags for me, in order to convince me to go out with him again On the other hand, it hurts to have someone say that.
Stockalone Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 I didn't respond to his email, then I got a text about an hour ago from him saying I didn't look as good in real life as I do in my pics:mad: I know he's being bitter- but it really pissed me off. Thanks Ruby. Logically I think to myself, if this guy didn't find me attractive, why was he texting me immediately asking when he could see me again. Why did he try so hard to explain away the things I said were red flags for me, in order to convince me to go out with him again On the other hand, it hurts to have someone say that. I think he finds you attractive. I believe he is merely being persistent and is baiting you. He might not be used to being rejected, so he tries to be persistent in the hopes of the physical attraction working for him eventually. I am sure this tactic even used to work on some women before. The goal is usually to get a reaction out of them and make the women reconsider, start talking to him again. Ideally, have sex with him, if only to prove him wrong (I look as good IRL as I do in my pictures, and him wanting me proves it). If you don't respond now, you'll probably get another message where he tries to be nice again and apologizes for being mean, how he just can't understand your reasons, bla bla bla.
RovingReporter Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 I'm taking bets as to whether or not dlish sees this guy again, i'm betting she does. Taking bets at 3-1
Ruby Slippers Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 Thanks Ruby. Logically I think to myself, if this guy didn't find me attractive, why was he texting me immediately asking when he could see me again. Why did he try so hard to explain away the things I said were red flags for me, in order to convince me to go out with him again Exactly! You are a beautiful girl, AND you have the self-respect not to get involved with a self-professed cheater and liar -- so of course, now he wants you even more, and he'll try any underhanded tactic to bait you. On the other hand, it hurts to have someone say that. What's inside of him (trash) is coming out. It's no reflection on you at all. Let it be a relief that you dodged his contamination.
Author D-Lish Posted June 24, 2011 Author Posted June 24, 2011 I think he finds you attractive. I believe he is merely being persistent and is baiting you. He might not be used to being rejected, so he tries to be persistent in the hopes of the physical attraction working for him eventually. I am sure this tactic even used to work on some women before. The goal is usually to get a reaction out of them and make the women reconsider, start talking to him again. Ideally, have sex with him, if only to prove him wrong (I look as good IRL as I do in my pictures, and him wanting me proves it). If you don't respond now, you'll probably get another message where he tries to be nice again and apologizes for being mean, how he just can't understand your reasons, bla bla bla. Well, I look just like my pictures, I update them regularly and switch them up. Everyone I've gone out with says I look better in person. He greeted me with "Wow, you look great". I don't understand why any woman would respond to that bolded behaviour. He asked me out for another date, I told him my reasons for why it wasn't a connection- he emailed me trying to sell himself, I didn't respond and he lashed out basically saying "I didn't find you all that attractive anyway". That's someone that's messed up in a big way. It still gets to me, what he said- but maybe that's what he intended.
vsmini Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 Thanks Ruby. Logically I think to myself, if this guy didn't find me attractive, why was he texting me immediately asking when he could see me again. Why did he try so hard to explain away the things I said were red flags for me, in order to convince me to go out with him again On the other hand, it hurts to have someone say that. Man - it would take everything in my power to respond with a "bitter, much?" and just completely no contact him after that.
mishy Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 Just got back from a lunch date with a guy I met on POF. It's too bad that I can't date him because you could cut the sexual chemistry with a knife! He's incredibly cute- 43 years old and he looked early 30's. - 9 months out of a 16 year marriage - He admitted to straying a few times during the course of their marriage - His last date from pof was 22 years old - He talked a lot about his ex. - He actually said that the last girl he dated was perfect for him but he couldn't do it because she had a 3 year old. (perfect? strange thing to tell someone you are on a date with, lol). - He talked a lot about himself. The straying thing was the thing that stood out the most. Does everyone talk about ex's on a first date? I encounter this often. It clearly shows where your head is at when you talk at length about your ex on a first date. It was a fun date though- lasted for a few hours, and it's good to know that men close to my age can still look really hot. Physically, he's my type in every way- but I'd be ridiculous to get involved given the red flags. He texted saying he had a great time and wanted to know when he could see me again. I was just straight up with him. It's hard to be logical and deny such an intense physical attraction!! Oh well, all this dating is really helping me to get over the ex. Just look at any of my posts (and i kow you've replied to them) and there is the perfect reason for denying intense physical attraction. In my experience with men over 35, and definately over 39, is that they have SO much baggage!! They are so tired, and so beaten, and so worn that its just not worth getting involved. And this date of yours just screams that I know i am generalising, but oncethey have a bitter divorce and (usually) young kids, just run the other way. In future i am looking for younger guys, maybe 30 - 35
mishy Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 and anyway d-lish from what ive read on here by you in the past few years , i am surprised you'd even consider a guy like this. I thought your standards were much higher. NEXT!
Author D-Lish Posted June 24, 2011 Author Posted June 24, 2011 I'm taking bets as to whether or not dlish sees this guy again, i'm betting she does. Taking bets at 3-1 Are you insane???? I blew him off in the first place. After I did so, his actions proved to me what a douchebag he is. I wasn't going to go out with him again in the first place, but after everything that's transpired since I told him that- my initial instincts were clearly right on target.
mishy Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 Yeah, I agree it sounds like you made a good call on this one. I dated this one guy for a few months a while back, realized it didn't have staying power, and we tried FWB for a while. But he clearly wanted more, and I didn't, so I ended it. This is the first time I am trying FWB from the start. It's definitely a new animal. But sexy, fun, and a good exercise in honest communication and taking good care of myself. Seriously read my threads and don't do FWB
Woggle Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 Just look at any of my posts (and i kow you've replied to them) and there is the perfect reason for denying intense physical attraction. In my experience with men over 35, and definately over 39, is that they have SO much baggage!! They are so tired, and so beaten, and so worn that its just not worth getting involved. And this date of yours just screams that I know i am generalising, but oncethey have a bitter divorce and (usually) young kids, just run the other way. In future i am looking for younger guys, maybe 30 - 35 I admit that older men with a divorce tend to have some serious scars but it is usually for a good reason. There is no better teacher than age and experience. Men tend to have the attitude after being betrayed or mistreated at all that they will never let it happen again. This guy was still wrong though and I am glad she decided not to see him again.
mishy Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 I admit that older men with a divorce tend to have some serious scars but it is usually for a good reason. There is no better teacher than age and experience. Men tend to have the attitude after being betrayed or mistreated at all that they will never let it happen again. This guy was still wrong though and I am glad she decided not to see him again. this is so true. But often they go to far and try to avoid hurt so much that they dont let anyone in again.
Author D-Lish Posted June 24, 2011 Author Posted June 24, 2011 and anyway d-lish from what ive read on here by you in the past few years , i am surprised you'd even consider a guy like this. I thought your standards were much higher. NEXT! Honestly, I didn't know that much about him before meeting him from POF for the date. His profile was somewhat vague, his pictures were cute. We exchanged some articulate messages, and he was funny. He had said his marriage was over a long time ago and he was ready to start dating again. A lot of the red flags came out during the lunch. He demonstrated no red flags through our emails or texts which was why I agreed to go out with him and see for myself! I'm not into the whole let's chat for 2 months before deciding to meet. I like to get to know someone face to face. That's also why I am doing lunches now instead of dinners. It's quick, you can get a first impression, and I have to eat... I knew within 15 minutes of our meeting that I wasn't going to go out with him again.
Woggle Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 this is so true. But often they go to far and try to avoid hurt so much that they dont let anyone in again. You are right but it is hard to balance it. Old age tends to either break a man or make him as tough as steel. I don't know too many men over 35 who retain the youthful wide eyed innocence of a man in his 20s but I don't know if they should either. The older guys I know who have been in the trenches of love and life and lived to tell about it are some of the smartest people I know. It happens to women as well. You get some women who after years of being used and abused by the jerks they lust after just hate men.
Author D-Lish Posted June 24, 2011 Author Posted June 24, 2011 Exactly! You are a beautiful girl, AND you have the self-respect not to get involved with a self-professed cheater and liar -- so of course, now he wants you even more, and he'll try any underhanded tactic to bait you. What's inside of him (trash) is coming out. It's no reflection on you at all. Let it be a relief that you dodged his contamination. I see that logically, and it did take everything in my power not to respond to him with a snide remark- but I just deleted and blocked his number instead. I certainly don't want to get into a pissing contest with someone I rejected. I admit that older men with a divorce tend to have some serious scars but it is usually for a good reason. There is no better teacher than age and experience. Men tend to have the attitude after being betrayed or mistreated at all that they will never let it happen again. This guy was still wrong though and I am glad she decided not to see him again. Woggle, he was the self-professed cheater in his marriage. That's why his wife left him. That's why I decided not to take a second date with him.
Woggle Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 I read that. I was just responding to the one post. You said he is good looking and many good looking men when they realize they can treat a lot of women as bad as they want and they just keep coming back for more they take full advantage of it. To your credit you are not one of those women.
Stockalone Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 Well, I look just like my pictures, I update them regularly and switch them up. Everyone I've gone out with says I look better in person. He greeted me with "Wow, you look great". I am sure you do. Telling you that you don't, when it's not true, is bugging you. That's the purpose. Some women will take the bait and reply in order to set the record straight. That gives him another chance to persuade/sweet-talk them into seeing him again. I don't understand why any woman would respond to that bolded behaviour. Because some women are bat**** crazy. Some women will say things like "He is a jerk sometimes... and I am beginning to see that he is disrespectful... but I don't want to marry him... and he is... good looking and we had a great night." He asked me out for another date, I told him my reasons for why it wasn't a connection- he emailed me trying to sell himself, I didn't respond and he lashed out basically saying "I didn't find you all that attractive anyway". That's someone that's messed up in a big way. It still gets to me, what he said- but maybe that's what he intended. As I said, it wouldn't surprise me if that sort of thing had worked for him in the past. Some of the things I have seen other guys get away with, I never would have believed it, hadn't I seen it with my own eyes.
Author D-Lish Posted June 24, 2011 Author Posted June 24, 2011 I read that. I was just responding to the one post. You said he is good looking and many good looking men when they realize they can treat a lot of women as bad as they want and they just keep coming back for more they take full advantage of it. To your credit you are not one of those women. No I am not:) I normally stay away from really good looking men. The thing is, he looked way better in person than he did in his pictures. Definitely a nice looking guy for 43 years old. I for one won't willingly enter into a relationship when red flags are so glaring on a first date regardless of hotness. My ex didn't show red flags until the second date, but by then, I was blinded by the attraction I felt from the first date and didn't allow myself to acknowledge them.
Author D-Lish Posted June 24, 2011 Author Posted June 24, 2011 I am sure you do. Telling you that you don't, when it's not true, is bugging you. That's the purpose. Some women will take the bait and reply in order to set the record straight. That gives him another chance to persuade/sweet-talk them into seeing him again. Because some women are bat**** crazy. Some women will say things like "He is a jerk sometimes... and I am beginning to see that he is disrespectful... but I don't want to marry him... and he is... good looking and we had a great night." As I said, it wouldn't surprise me if that sort of thing had worked for him in the past. Some of the things I have seen other guys get away with, I never would have believed it, hadn't I seen it with my own eyes. I have seen it too, believe me. I was probably one of those women when I was younger. I have friends that are married to men that treat them badly, cheat, make them miserable, but make excuses, and have for years. I got the player vibe immediately from this guy. He's coming off a rejection from his ex-wife- and according to him, he's spent the last 9 months since that relationship rejecting women- either after a first date, or after a couple of weeks. So when he asks me out again and I say I didn't think we are a match, he's reminded of the last rejection. Maybe the first one he's had since his wife left. I don't think this guy is in any shape to be dating right now- and he responded to my rejection with the intensity of a person still very angry at his ex-wife for rejecting him.
pandagirl Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 D, sorry to hear this guy was a walking disaster! On the bright side: it's good to know all your "bits" are still working.
RepairMinded Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 I'm taking bets as to whether or not dlish sees this guy again, i'm betting she does. Taking bets at 3-1 I'm in for 50,000 quatloos.
Author D-Lish Posted June 24, 2011 Author Posted June 24, 2011 D, sorry to hear this guy was a walking disaster! On the bright side: it's good to know all your "bits" are still working. Thanks Panda, But you know what? His little dig at the end was enough to really play with my head.
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