D-Lish Posted June 22, 2011 Posted June 22, 2011 Just got back from a lunch date with a guy I met on POF. It's too bad that I can't date him because you could cut the sexual chemistry with a knife! He's incredibly cute- 43 years old and he looked early 30's. - 9 months out of a 16 year marriage - He admitted to straying a few times during the course of their marriage - His last date from pof was 22 years old - He talked a lot about his ex. - He actually said that the last girl he dated was perfect for him but he couldn't do it because she had a 3 year old. (perfect? strange thing to tell someone you are on a date with, lol). - He talked a lot about himself. The straying thing was the thing that stood out the most. Does everyone talk about ex's on a first date? I encounter this often. It clearly shows where your head is at when you talk at length about your ex on a first date. It was a fun date though- lasted for a few hours, and it's good to know that men close to my age can still look really hot. Physically, he's my type in every way- but I'd be ridiculous to get involved given the red flags. He texted saying he had a great time and wanted to know when he could see me again. I was just straight up with him. It's hard to be logical and deny such an intense physical attraction!! Oh well, all this dating is really helping me to get over the ex.
lacoqueta Posted June 22, 2011 Posted June 22, 2011 You did the right thing D-lish! What an idiot, he totally lost out!
SmileFace Posted June 22, 2011 Posted June 22, 2011 Haha, I went on a date once and I kid you not. My date referred to his "ex-girlfriend" as his girlfriend. He asked me why I wasn't in a relationship. I told him truthfully that I had a hard time actually making time for people due to my schedule Him: "My girlfriend is the same way" After about 10 minutes of him ranting about her and me just staring at him with my mouth open. He tells me she broke up with hima bout 5 days ago but the relationship was over way before that. So I sat there like WOW. So yes people commonly talk about their ex's on dates.
here4her Posted June 22, 2011 Posted June 22, 2011 Well, the straying means he obviously has commitment problems. 43 dating a 23 year old.. yeah ok I'm not sure how much he talked about his x. I can say when I date It normally comes up. I am divorced and people always ask. I try not to stay on topic but I do wanna make a point to get the story out there so its known and not brought up again, but my head is far from her. He doesn't have any kids?? that to me sounds like a flag
Author D-Lish Posted June 23, 2011 Author Posted June 23, 2011 Well, the straying means he obviously has commitment problems. 43 dating a 23 year old.. yeah ok I'm not sure how much he talked about his x. I can say when I date It normally comes up. I am divorced and people always ask. I try not to stay on topic but I do wanna make a point to get the story out there so its known and not brought up again, but my head is far from her. He doesn't have any kids?? that to me sounds like a flag Yes, he has kids- but they are older- 14 & 16. His complaint was that she had a toddler, and he was past that stage. It just boggles my mind that someone doesn't get that admitting you are a cheater might turn someone off. He just emailed me a long explanation refuting my reasons for not wanting to date him.
here4her Posted June 23, 2011 Posted June 23, 2011 Oh well Im not sure what he expected obviously if you date someone half your age they are going to either A) want kids or B) have kids much younger. Yeah If someone tells me They cheated in there past relationship I am gone, Im a firm believer that people can work together to make things work before it gets to that point. I know there are the other type who believe if things arnt working you move on, but IMO they are the ones who will never truely love anyone but themselves and will always be alone.
tigressA Posted June 23, 2011 Posted June 23, 2011 Holy crap. Red flags everywhere. Good on you for doing the right thing despite the physical attraction, D. As far as the straying goes, I do believe that everyone absolutely is entitled to decide whether or not cheating in a prior relationship is a dealbreaker for them. This is why I'm always honest about my own transgression--including why I did it and what I learned from it. Luckily I've had no shortage of dates and am with a wonderful man , but if my dating life had suffered I would completely understand why. This guy doesn't sound like he's truly remorseful about what he's done, or learned anything from it. What's worse is that, like you said, he doesn't seem to understand WHY his prior cheating would be a dealbreaker for you.
Lilmisus Posted June 23, 2011 Posted June 23, 2011 Yes, he has kids- but they are older- 14 & 16. His complaint was that she had a toddler, and he was past that stage. It just boggles my mind that someone doesn't get that admitting you are a cheater might turn someone off. He just emailed me a long explanation refuting my reasons for not wanting to date him. I'd love to see that e-mail. Someone can't take rejection lightly.. It's great that you made the right decision though, sounds like he'd be too much drama and too much of a headache than what you need.
johan Posted June 23, 2011 Posted June 23, 2011 You should give him another chance, D. He seems like a good guy.
Art_Critic Posted June 23, 2011 Posted June 23, 2011 I'd bet the one red flag you didn't see as too bad was that he was on his way to banging everything on 2 legs with online dating.. Fresh out of a long term marriage alone spells sowing my oats.. Next... or you could do what Johan said and give the guy another chance..haha
Author D-Lish Posted June 23, 2011 Author Posted June 23, 2011 You should give him another chance, D. He seems like a good guy. Jo, lol. I like your sarcasm.
Author D-Lish Posted June 23, 2011 Author Posted June 23, 2011 I'd bet the one red flag you didn't see as too bad was that he was on his way to banging everything on 2 legs with online dating.. Fresh out of a long term marriage alone spells sowing my oats.. Next... or you could do what Johan said and give the guy another chance..haha No doubt Art. I'm sure I could have had fun with his dinkler:lmao: I had fun with some dinklers after my divorce.
one goal Posted June 23, 2011 Posted June 23, 2011 At least you got a date! I can't even get a date, let alone a bad date!
Author D-Lish Posted June 23, 2011 Author Posted June 23, 2011 I'd love to see that e-mail. Someone can't take rejection lightly.. It's great that you made the right decision though, sounds like he'd be too much drama and too much of a headache than what you need. I don't think he's used to rejection. He's incredibly successful, he drives a Porsche. I pulled up beside him in a KIA:p I'm getting over my ex though- multi-dating....
Art_Critic Posted June 23, 2011 Posted June 23, 2011 I had fun with some dinklers after my divorce. ....
Art_Critic Posted June 23, 2011 Posted June 23, 2011 He just emailed me a long explanation refuting my reasons for not wanting to date him. What a chump.. that alone is it's own red flag
Author D-Lish Posted June 23, 2011 Author Posted June 23, 2011 What a chump.. that alone is it's own red flag Is it me. or does dating just keep getting harder as you move along??
Art_Critic Posted June 23, 2011 Posted June 23, 2011 Is it me. or does dating just keep getting harder as you move along?? You aren't as willing to take whatever they are offering at the moment and you are sticking to some long hard earned and learned principles of what you want.. It happens.. welcome to healthy single living...
Author D-Lish Posted June 23, 2011 Author Posted June 23, 2011 You aren't as willing to take whatever they are offering at the moment and you are sticking to some long hard earned and learned principles of what you want.. It happens.. welcome to healthy single living... I guess A, I'm living on "logical" at the moment. It's difficult to be single. Compromise isn't an option- but that leaves me with very little options:o Having said that, I'm lonely. Difficult dilemma.
Ruby Slippers Posted June 23, 2011 Posted June 23, 2011 He just emailed me a long explanation refuting my reasons for not wanting to date him. I love the salesmen, the AOL retention experts. Having said that, I'm lonely. Difficult dilemma. I am trying my first real FWB situation, and I NEVER imagined I would try this! It might not work, but man, a girl's gotta do something. Another dud down, a little bit closer to the great guy for you, yes?!
Author D-Lish Posted June 23, 2011 Author Posted June 23, 2011 I love the salesmen, the AOL retention experts. I am trying my first real FWB situation, and I NEVER imagined I would try this! It might not work, but man, a girl's gotta do something. Another dud down, a little bit closer to the great guy for you, yes?! This guy is nice enough, but he's not a match for me. Has FWB worked for you before? or is this new for you?
Ruby Slippers Posted June 23, 2011 Posted June 23, 2011 This guy is nice enough, but he's not a match for me. Has FWB worked for you before? or is this new for you? Yeah, I agree it sounds like you made a good call on this one. I dated this one guy for a few months a while back, realized it didn't have staying power, and we tried FWB for a while. But he clearly wanted more, and I didn't, so I ended it. This is the first time I am trying FWB from the start. It's definitely a new animal. But sexy, fun, and a good exercise in honest communication and taking good care of myself.
NicoleM Posted June 23, 2011 Posted June 23, 2011 Glad you saw the red flags right away. Good for you!!
Author D-Lish Posted June 24, 2011 Author Posted June 24, 2011 I didn't respond to his email, then I got a text about an hour ago from him saying I didn't look as good in real life as I do in my pics:mad: I know he's being bitter- but it really pissed me off.
P&R Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 I didn't respond to his email, then I got a text about an hour ago from him saying I didn't look as good in real life as I do in my pics:mad: I know he's being bitter- but it really pissed me off. Dont let this get to you... he's just being immature, not worth your time.
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