reconsiling after 3 months NC then i slapped him & ruined everything.

[TooMuchPride]

a week or so ago i broke a strict 3 month nc with my ex boyfriend...he responded perfectly , with tears and begging and all that...simply put he wanted me back...of course there were a few discrepancies ...i had initially broke nc just to have a talk...and to find about about some of the stuff my ex did in the past and to get closure...i didn't know how my ex would respond...but i can say i was happy he wanted to fix things because i missed him..but i wasnt sold on going back to him..and further more i started asking what he had been up to in the 3 months since we broke up and after getting the "truth" i was really devastated...it was eating at my mind and i was hurt and i felt like even if i did take him back i would never get over it even though we werent together i knew anytime i was intimate with him i'd think of this new girl he was seeing to supposedly "get his mind off me" he told me he broke it off with her as soon as we spoke..i still dont know how true that is....and after asking him questions about us i lost all trust in him so i dont know what to believe anymore

 

 

all i know is only after 2 days of us being in contact...during that time he was begging me back and all i was doing was pushing him away with remarks about this girl..on purpose....i wanted to see how much he'd take...i knew i was annoying him..but if he was "inlove" with me like he claimed he coulda put up with it for atleast i week i think...anyways after not even 1 day of me trying to "test him" i saw i was upsetting him...so i stopped for a while....

 

on the second night of being in contact again...there was a incident or misunderstanding and i ended up getting very upset and slapping him at a party....i mean i stayed silent for 3 months a lot of anger built up...and then after speaking to him to confirm some of the lies he told me...i was even more upset...then on top of it he did something to me that really hurt which played a big role in why we parted..on top of that this "new girl" was so heavy on my mind since finding out the day before...and with impulse of thinking i was lied to..i slapped him in front of EVERYONE...i do know how humiliating and embarrassing and damaging that can be to a man and his ego.....

 

in my eyes...he told me he was inlove with me the day before...and although i know im wrong cause nothing excuses slapping him...i still feel angry like he deserved it...for this part i need to include our ages...me ex is 20 and im 19...young but at the same time too old for the stuff we are going through to my surprise my ex went home and "told his mommy"...i found this amusing yet disturbing..to wake up the next morning to my exes mother talking to my mother on the phone...i felt like yea i was wrong but thats blowing it out of proportion a bit...especially because of an incident where my ex did something much worst to me ...anyway..his mother was really upset i slapped him which was understandable ...and ofcourse he is livid himself...he didnt slap me back or anything but i can only imagine how upset he was but at the same time im pissed too....anyways out of respect a day or 2 later i called his mother and apologized...she scared the hell out of me through the phone...didnt even know that was possible...she also told me to apologize to her son....which i really didnt want to do...atleast not yet cause frankly...i still feel like he deserved it...but i sent him an apology but i can say it was the most backhanded and insulting apology ever...and he responded by saying apologizing and insulting him at the same time isnt gonna do anything and that he really has nothing to say to me anyway...also saying that he never lied so i can continue to assume that he did and to "enjoy life"...

 

right now im a bit stuck....once again everyone around me says i should let it go and leave it alone because...well its obviously not working..but can u imagine being so close and then POOF?...the problem is...letting it go makes the most sense at the moment but ...its hard...we both cried and had this heart to heart the day before..and now..we went right back to where we were before if not worst....i dont even know what im supposed to do...both our parents im sure are telling us to just leave each other alone...he is upset and saying enjoy life like he wants nothing to do with me...i never really apologized properly but at the same time...i kind of dont want to...i feel like i allowed the tables to turn....almost as if i have no right to be upset anymore when i still do...but he has right to be upset...so we could just both go silent.....but it hurts so much....its almost impossible to fix this...i could pour my heart out ..but what good will that i really do...

 

 

should i even try? and if so how should i go about doing it?...or is this clearly a point of no return?

[Johnny85]

So let me get this straight:

 

1) You dump him

2) There is no contact for 3 months

3) He decides to start seeing someone else after the two of you broke up

4) This makes you mad and you slap him in front of all of his friends

 

The way I see it, you broke it off with him, which means that he can see whomever he wants to. In fact, he did the right thing by moving on rather than being stuck in the past.

[TooMuchPride]

So let me get this straight:

 

1) You dump him

2) There is no contact for 3 months

3) He decides to start seeing someone else after the two of you broke up

4) This makes you mad and you slap him in front of all of his friends

 

The way I see it, you broke it off with him, which means that he can see whomever he wants to. In fact, he did the right thing by moving on rather than being stuck in the past.

 

 

^never said any of this.

 

1) he broke up with me over something small and stupid.

2)no contact but we both cared and it was obvious.

3)he ****ed a girl i thought he was always involved with to spite me after i did nothing wrong.

4) i slapped him because he lied to me once again after filling my head with "i love yous and i want you backs" and i had reached a limit = impulse.

 

 

and i was kinda asking advice...not criticism

[Lemontang]

^never said any of this.

 

1) he broke up with me over something small and stupid.

 

I find the small and stupids are often just the excuse to get out of a relationship when you can't find anything big to bail on, he may have had feelings for someone else and was looking to get out. As is so often coined here it was likely GIG's. Or maybe just not that into you anymore and it took time apart for him to realise it wasn't the case.

 

2)no contact but we both cared and it was obvious.

 

3)he ****ed a girl i thought he was always involved with to spite me after i did nothing wrong.

 

I'll throw 2 & 3 together. No contact is no contact, period. You may care about him and I'm sure he may have in some way too, but not enough to contact you or for that matter, he was respecting the fact it was over and leaving you alone. That and if your broken up he, plus yourself have license to do what you want and not have to answer to each other about whom or what the other does now.

If you guys ever got back together then you have to accept that whilst broken up he tried to move on. Which is the right thing to do, be it with someone else or him simply taking on new interests in life. Who's to say after 3, 6, 12 months NC you hadn't moved on yourself only to find him contacting you wanting you back? Would you tell hm everything and expect him to just accept it? or like you be upset by it and react negatively.

 

4) i slapped him because he lied to me once again after filling my head with "i love yous and i want you backs" and i had reached a limit = impulse.

 

No offense, but violence period doesn't solve anything. I don't care what side of the gender fence this happens on. You would have shown more control and self respect not hitting him. In stead now your in two minds about having slapped him, and I'm sure in time you'll regret it even more so that you stooped to that level.

 

I'd go back to NC and frankly move on. Take some time out for yourself. Trying to fix it with the hope of getting back together isn't likely to work with things so charged between you two.

 

Accept this as it is, and grow from the experience.