dicky_fish Posted June 22, 2011 Posted June 22, 2011 I've been reading all sorts of things on this forum for the last two weeks and it has helped me greatly with my break up so thanks to all posters. But one thing that's come to bother me is why everyone is so accepting of GIGS. It is a totally pathetic excuse for ending a relationship and dumpers who've ended things for no reason should be sat down, given a good slap around the head and woken up to the fact that the grass ISN'T greener on the other side, and that doing a little work on your relationship (especially if it's anything longer than 2 years) and actually realising that they've just been taking things for granted!
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted June 22, 2011 Posted June 22, 2011 I've been reading all sorts of things on this forum for the last two weeks and it has helped me greatly with my break up so thanks to all posters. But one thing that's come to bother me is why everyone is so accepting of GIGS. It is a totally pathetic excuse for ending a relationship and dumpers who've ended things for no reason should be sat down, given a good slap around the head and woken up to the fact that the grass ISN'T greener on the other side, and that doing a little work on your relationship (especially if it's anything longer than 2 years) and actually realising that they've just been taking things for granted! Agree 100%, but I'm not going to have a sit down with my ex.... She mean.
wilsonx Posted June 22, 2011 Posted June 22, 2011 because it happens, not everyone is as mature in their thought process as you. people have to go out and experience if the grass is actually greener on the other side. And i will let you know, its not from my personal experience
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted June 22, 2011 Posted June 22, 2011 the grass is greener for the dumpee... like you said: not everyone is as mature in their thought process as you. why would you want to be with someone so immature?
wilsonx Posted June 22, 2011 Posted June 22, 2011 the grass is greener for the dumpee... like you said: why would you want to be with someone so immature? youre absolutely right, the exception to this is I am now on the dumpee side of GIGS and it sucks massively. I am a little bit more understanding of it as I can say that I threw away the best thing that did happen to me so far in my life. Even after my 11 month bender, she came and found me and i still ran because I felt bad and felt like I used and abused her even though it was her choice in staying "friends" with me
Author dicky_fish Posted June 22, 2011 Author Posted June 22, 2011 Thing is, I went through GIGS myself while I was in my relationship, but I didn't cut and run. I talked about it with my girlfriend, I told her my uncertainties and my worries, and freely admitted to her that what I was thinking about was so trivial, and after a few days I came to realise I'd never had it so good. I was taking my wonderful girlfriend for granted and once I had that moment of clarity I came to understand that I was with the love of my life, she accepted me fully for who I am, as had I. Yes we had our differences but nothing to seperate us. After that moment I made up my mind on proposing to her. Just so we're clear; I would never slap my girlfriend, or any woman for that matter. I'm a gentleman.
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted June 22, 2011 Posted June 22, 2011 I am a little bit more understanding of it as I can say that I threw away the best thing that did happen to me so far in my life. at least you can acknowledge that there might be something better out there. typically from what I've seen from most dumpers with GIGS is after they realize the grass isn't greener they become the ones that are so hell bent on getting back together. you seem to have the thought that you will find something better later on in life whereas most dumpers, after realizing the fields are full of dead grass, think that getting back with the one they dumped is the best they can get. guess I'm trying to say you have accepted (at least at some level) that you messed up but aren't fixed on getting back together, and most dumpers are forced into this line of thinking after realizing their ex has moved on.
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted June 22, 2011 Posted June 22, 2011 Thing is, I went through GIGS myself while I was in my relationship, but I didn't cut and run. I talked about it with my girlfriend, I told her my uncertainties and my worries, and freely admitted to her that what I was thinking about was so trivial, and after a few days I came to realise I'd never had it so good. I was taking my wonderful girlfriend for granted and once I had that moment of clarity I came to understand that I was with the love of my life, she accepted me fully for who I am, as had I. Yes we had our differences but nothing to seperate us. After that moment I made up my mind on proposing to her. Just so we're clear; I would never slap my girlfriend, or any woman for that matter. I'm a gentleman. Now why can't everyone take that approach? whether it's GIGS or not I think everyone should take this approach no matter what the reason. at least then the dumpee would know the real reason.
Eddie Edirol Posted June 22, 2011 Posted June 22, 2011 dumpers who've ended things for no reason should be sat down, given a good slap around the head and woken up to the fact that the grass ISN'T greener on the other side, and that doing a little work on your relationship (especially if it's anything longer than 2 years) and actually realising that they've just been taking things for granted! Nope, thats not the case. Sometimes you just dont have enough attraction to try and save something. Its not always that the grass is greener, its just that they dont want to be with YOU. Even if the grass isnt greener, going back to dead grass usually isnt worth it. As a recent dumper I know this, when it dont work, it dont work. I learned this from experience in actually explaining the problems that I didnt want to work on with my dumpees.
wilsonx Posted June 22, 2011 Posted June 22, 2011 (edited) the problem is, you do not know the reason when you're going through it. I gave my ex 1500 reasons why I wanted space. I pretty much met a chick one night I wanted to bang, called her up at my ex's place right in front of her not realize why I did it. To this day, I have no clue why I did it. If you have GIGS, nothing he or she is going to say to stop you from doing what you are going to do. Absolutely nothing. When my ex dumped me, she still doesnt have a reason just like I did not have one back in the day. She saw a potential target (37 year old cook in a movie theater, shes 23), I caught them drinking to gether at a bar at 130am she broke up with and projected all her insecurities on me about our relationship and why we were breaking up. Everyday, I Asked her and she came up with a different reason. Sometimes 2 or 3, never once a single concise reason. At the same time she wanted to string me along as a friend (hahah I know better) but warned me that I probably shouldn't do it. I wasn't doing anything wrong in the relationship, it just happened. The ex that I had back in the day was the most perfect girlfriend I have ever had in my life, why did I do it, I do not know still dont. Did I regret it, **** yes, for the past 7 years its been my #1 regret in life Homebrew's GIGS post and 5 bullets is WORD FOR WORD MY EX... word for word Edited June 22, 2011 by wilsonx 1
TheHurtProcess Posted June 23, 2011 Posted June 23, 2011 Nope, thats not the case. Sometimes you just dont have enough attraction to try and save something. Its not always that the grass is greener, its just that they dont want to be with YOU. Even if the grass isnt greener, going back to dead grass usually isnt worth it. As a recent dumper I know this, when it dont work, it dont work. I learned this from experience in actually explaining the problems that I didnt want to work on with my dumpees. Then perhaps YOU just didn't have G.I.G.S. Ever think of that possibility?
LadyFlame Posted June 23, 2011 Posted June 23, 2011 Excellent news. My ex finished with me recently due to this very thing - I always said he'd regret it and I'm quite certain he will. He didn't even know if he was making the correct decision; that's because he's weak. Weak weeds who don't realize what they have deserve that suffering at the end. Serves them right. I look forward to the day when he realizes what he lost. I love him very much of course, but I hope he learns an important lesson.
TheHurtProcess Posted June 23, 2011 Posted June 23, 2011 Excellent news. My ex finished with me recently due to this very thing - I always said he'd regret it and I'm quite certain he will. He didn't even know if he was making the correct decision; that's because he's weak. Weak weeds who don't realize what they have deserve that suffering at the end. Serves them right. I look forward to the day when he realizes what he lost. I love him very much of course, but I hope he learns an important lesson. I also cannot wait until the day my ex realizes what she lost. By then it will be much too late. Hell, it's already too late. I just can't wait until the tables have turned and she finally gets her chance to walk in my shoes for a moment and finally feel the pain she bestowed upon me. Now that's an idea I love...Regardless of whether it ever actually happens or not. Someone will eventually break her heart. Too bad I might not be around to see that for myself.
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