Enchanted Girl Posted June 25, 2011 Posted June 25, 2011 Let me ask a question to the women here. When you hear about things happening to women or read about stuff that just pisses you off does affect your relationships with your husband or boyfriend? Yes. Men on here and other places repeatedly tell me not to be naive and to understand that every man wants to spread his sperm out into the world and to **** as many girls as possible. To the point where they claim that all men would cheat if they knew with 100% certainty that they wouldn't get caught. It upsets me a whole lot and I've gotten jealous over things that I was reading too hard into because of it. When my boyfriend has done nothing but prove to me that he was faithful . . . . to the point of avoiding alone time with women in order to minimize temptation. And it was his idea, not mine! So I really should never, ever be suspicious of him. It's not that I seek it out but it is everywhere. I understand I clicked on that article but am I supposed to not go to the grocery store anymore? That is where I heard two women trashing father's day. I understand. I get bombarded with those things as well. On here. With all the cheating that is reported in newspapers and magazines. With my friends when we go out, bitching about their boyfriends. So on and so forth. I had a talk with a close friend of mine who has become a voice of reason. He is happily married and very functional despite the fact that he was pretty wild back in the day but he certainly grew up. He asked me if I want to let my ex ruin my life from a prison cell and it made sense to me. Today while at work I am actually getting excited again about it. Some things just really piss me off and I think any man who has been royally screwed over by a woman and still treated as the bad guy can relate to this. I'm a woman who can relate to this. My ex abused me for five years. I was in denial that he had until my current boyfriend pointed it out to me. He said that I had a way of insulting myself and physically harming myself that showed I had been abused. He also told me that I'd get scared of him saying or doing certain things that only an abusive man would do. (Like withdrawing love from me for weeks at a time just because I cried once.) But my ex made sure to seem like a hero through out the whole thing. He dumped me and said that he was doing it would make me happier, but in private, he told me that he was surprised that I hadn't killed myself without him because I was basically that pathetic and then asked for me back. When I said no, he told all his friends that I was being a tease and a bitch and they all felt sorry for him. I can't speak on how it is for women but many men who get hurt in a relationship start to get a mentality where they are determined to never let it happen again. The problem is when a man finally does find somebody good it is very hard to break out of that hyper vigilance. My ex is in prison and more than dealing with her karma so why do I still let her affect my life. My wife and I had a great time having dinner up on the boardwalk and those loving feelings are coming back so I think things will be okay. I am this way and I hope I get over it (but aren't as blind if there are real warning signs as I was before.) My ex neglected me, so when I feel like my boyfriend is on the verge of doing the same, I'll start planning a whole bunch of crap to do to prove to myself that I don't need him and prevent myself from crying from it again. He doesn't neglect me though and usually gets confused about why I am ignoring him and then I get over it. And also, when I go to weddings, I act all bitchy and cynical and make fun of them. My ex asked me to marry him, but refused to go through with it, humiliating me in front of all my friends and family when I had to tell them that he called off the whole thing. My current boyfriend and I went to a wedding and I was thinking bitchy, cynical thoughts when he goes,"This wedding is really sweet. I hope that ours is just as beautiful." He's just too wonderful. I'm scared I'll screw it up.
Author Woggle Posted June 25, 2011 Author Posted June 25, 2011 My first response is to get mad at you because the guy doesn't deserve it but I do the same thing.
Enchanted Girl Posted June 25, 2011 Posted June 25, 2011 My first response is to get mad at you because the guy doesn't deserve it but I do the same thing. No need to get mad at me. I apologize every time and I can see myself making progress a little at a time. The point of my post is to show you it is natural. In fact, he has baggage too from his past. Women neglecting him and telling him they're happy or that he's nice and then leaving him the next day. It's actually happened to him over and over again. So whenever he does something nice to me, like buy me some candy or a flower or something and I go,"You're so nice" or "I'm so happy." He freaks out a little. But its okay. I consider it a part of relationships to help each other through each other's struggles and he usually apologizes to me about it afterwards as well.
Cee Posted June 25, 2011 Posted June 25, 2011 When I said life is too short to throw your life away on resentments, I was speaking from life experience. While you celebrate your five year anniversary, I will be waiting to find out if I have cancer. If I do have cancer, it will be caught early. What a blessing. I have nothing but gratitude for my life including my boyfriend. I feel bad for you because my weekend with a biopsy had a lot of love and joy in it. My boyfriend and i ate dinner and the snuggled after dark in a park. We exchanged many I love yous today even though I had the stress of polyps removed from my body. Life is short Woggle. Try to find your peace and serenity.
Author Woggle Posted June 25, 2011 Author Posted June 25, 2011 I am now officially back in the mood. I am just hoping to god it doesn't rain tomorrow.
anne1707 Posted June 25, 2011 Posted June 25, 2011 I am now officially back in the mood. I am just hoping to god it doesn't rain tomorrow. Well if it rains, you might just have to spend the day in bed
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