Woggle Posted June 22, 2011 Posted June 22, 2011 In four days I have my fifth anniversary and and I have big plans. The only problem is that recently I have read and witnessed some things that really have me in a foul mood and I honestly am in no mood to be romantic for a woman. I am aware of how stupid and unhealthy this is but it is how I feel right now. What are some ways to slap myself back into some sense and get me in a romantic mood again. I don't want to ruin this occasion.
2sunny Posted June 22, 2011 Posted June 22, 2011 wog - stay in the moment and be grateful for the things in your life that ARE good!
Feelsgoodman Posted June 22, 2011 Posted June 22, 2011 In four days I have my fifth anniversary and and I have big plans. The only problem is that recently I have read and witnessed some things that really have me in a foul mood and I honestly am in no mood to be romantic for a woman. I am aware of how stupid and unhealthy this is but it is how I feel right now. What are some ways to slap myself back into some sense and get me in a romantic mood again. I don't want to ruin this occasion. Stop reading this forum. Some of the things posted here are just downright depressing. Also, focus on doing things that you enjoy to take your mind off the negative female bahaviour-related thoughts.
Cee Posted June 22, 2011 Posted June 22, 2011 Happy Anniversary, Woggle! I have two stories that I saw on Reddit in the past week. Got misty reading both of them. First: Here's a video that was posted yesterday. The boyfriend surprised his girlfriend for her birthday by visiting her. I guess they are in a LDR and live across the world from each other. He posted a video of her reaction and it's totally adorable. http://vimeo.com/25407752 Here's the comment thread, which gives some of the backstory on the guy: Here's another that was fun because there are pictures. A guy had his wedding venue cancelled at the last minute and he turned to Reddit for advice. There was a long discussion to help him out with his big day. Then a few weeks later he posted a follow-up about how the wedding was a smashing success. He posted pictures in the thread and it looked like a blast. Hope these two help you get in the mood.
Cee Posted June 22, 2011 Posted June 22, 2011 Another idea is to resurrect the lost art of the love letter. Write a letter to her using pen and paper. Make a couple drafts so that you can best express how much you care for her. And then maybe you will feel a surge of emotion. If the letter is good, you might want to drop it in the mail. That would be a nice surprise for her.
reboot Posted June 22, 2011 Posted June 22, 2011 Spend time with you wife and stay away from this place.....
Ms. Joolie Posted June 22, 2011 Posted June 22, 2011 Remember that your wife: - is not on this board (haha) - is not like those women (haha) - is not the average woman (haha) Seriously... don't mix up YOUR WIFE with some general idea of women you have in your head! Remember: - the special someone she is - just why you are celebrating these 5 years together! - all that thoughtful love of yours that came up with such a marvelous anniversary package for her - how your love for her and her love for you is something to celebrate - how exciting it's going to be to share this special day with her
Ruby Slippers Posted June 22, 2011 Posted June 22, 2011 The only thing I can say is that I wish I had a loving partner I was about to celebrate 5 years together with, and if I did, I would give it my all. I think it's really hard to find a good partner to love and cherish, and when you do, you'd be a fool not to make the most of it.
Author Woggle Posted June 22, 2011 Author Posted June 22, 2011 Let me ask a question to the women here. When you hear about things happening to women or read about stuff that just pisses you off does affect your relationships with your husband or boyfriend?
Mme. Chaucer Posted June 22, 2011 Posted June 22, 2011 Woggle, your real problem is that you seem to compulsively seek out the stuff that gets you all upset. If you can't stop - why don't you go to counseling for it. That crap absolutely has no place in your life or in your marriage, unless it is happening to you directly. I don't believe that you are going to blow off your anniversary just because of this unfortunate obsession of yours, but even the fact that you are THINKING this way is evidence that YOU are negatively affecting your own primary relationship. And, you aren't going to be romantic "FOR" a woman. It's FOR the two of you, to celebrate what you have together. A man and a woman, happily married. Gender relations at their best. Congratulations. Be happy, grateful and loving.
ColdFox Posted June 22, 2011 Posted June 22, 2011 Another idea is to resurrect the lost art of the love letter. Write a letter to her using pen and paper. Make a couple drafts so that you can best express how much you care for her. And then maybe you will feel a surge of emotion. If the letter is good, you might want to drop it in the mail. That would be a nice surprise for her. I love this idea. Woggle, life is short, and you shouldn't take your marriage for granted by letting something somebody else said poison your feelings about your own anniversary.
anne1707 Posted June 22, 2011 Posted June 22, 2011 Let me ask a question to the women here. When you hear about things happening to women or read about stuff that just pisses you off does affect your relationships with your husband or boyfriend? Absolutely not. I know my H. I am not going to think he is a bad man because of something I read on here. Instead, I read him. I see how he acts, I see how he treats me, I see how he treats others, I see how he apllies his personal morality to his life. This is what I love and respect. A few silly posts on LS are not going to change that. I know the man and that is all I need. Woggle - don't hurt your wife when you know she is a good woman and is also good for you. Don't lower your standards of behaviour to those of whom you are so critical. Celebrate your life together.
Cee Posted June 22, 2011 Posted June 22, 2011 No, never. What other people do has no impact on my life. I have strong internal boundaries, which means I know where I begin and end. And I don't internalize other people's problems as my own. There are men out there who do terrible things. I know that. Every day there are stories of murder, greed, and selfishness by people gendered male. There was a male serial killer in my neighborhood this year. But I'm not about to destroy my happiness by hating men. That makes no sense to me. So what if some men suck? Who cares. I don't hate myself and think I'm stupid because some women are idiots. We are all separate beings, not a big glob of gender who operate like a single unit (Thank God). I love the men in my life. I love the women, too. And I love me. And that's all I need to worry about. I wish you the best in finding out who you are and what you truly believe.
cerridwen Posted June 22, 2011 Posted June 22, 2011 Let me ask a question to the women here. When you hear about things happening to women or read about stuff that just pisses you off does affect your relationships with your husband or boyfriend? Never once. And I'm being completely honest. I don't hold an entire gender responsible for what individuals do.
Author Woggle Posted June 23, 2011 Author Posted June 23, 2011 Woggle, your real problem is that you seem to compulsively seek out the stuff that gets you all upset. If you can't stop - why don't you go to counseling for it. That crap absolutely has no place in your life or in your marriage, unless it is happening to you directly. I don't believe that you are going to blow off your anniversary just because of this unfortunate obsession of yours, but even the fact that you are THINKING this way is evidence that YOU are negatively affecting your own primary relationship. And, you aren't going to be romantic "FOR" a woman. It's FOR the two of you, to celebrate what you have together. A man and a woman, happily married. Gender relations at their best. Congratulations. Be happy, grateful and loving. It's not that I seek it out but it is everywhere. I understand I clicked on that article but am I supposed to not go to the grocery store anymore? That is where I heard two women trashing father's day.
D-Lish Posted June 23, 2011 Posted June 23, 2011 No Woggle, I don't collect other people's problems. Your poor wife- you punish her over and over again because of your own baggage and hang ups. I can't believe you're reading stories on the internet and using that info to punish someone that has been soooooooooo good to you. She doesn't deserve this. I feel really, really bad for your wife. She does everything right- you are still hung up on your ex. When are you going to give your head a shake.
Mme. Chaucer Posted June 23, 2011 Posted June 23, 2011 It's not that I seek it out but it is everywhere. I understand I clicked on that article but am I supposed to not go to the grocery store anymore? That is where I heard two women trashing father's day. But Woggle ... SO FREAKIN' WHAT. Those women are allowed to trash Father's Day if they want to, for heaven's sake. Maybe they think celebrations that were conceived by companies such as Hallmark to generate income are worthless. Maybe the fathers of their children have not paid child support or seen the kids in 12 years. Maybe their fathers molested them. Maybe they're just sourpusses. You have no idea. It's not your concern. It's meaningless to your life. It signals NOTHING about "gender relations" or ANYTHING aside from (I didn't read your post about it, if there is one, so maybe I don't have the whole story) the fact that 2 women in the grocery store don't like Father's Day. I can pick ANY social ill right this moment and find a plethora of stuff to feed off of on the Internet as soon as I finish typing this. Like, child prostitution and the people who promote that, and who use it. Then I can categorize all of the people who do promote and use it into a handy group - for example, "men." And I can complete my exercise in driving myself crazy. And extrapolate my findings to somehow exemplify a gender. Like you do. Does that sound like a good idea?
Queen Zenobia Posted June 23, 2011 Posted June 23, 2011 It's not that I seek it out but it is everywhere. I understand I clicked on that article but am I supposed to not go to the grocery store anymore? That is where I heard two women trashing father's day. Honestly Woggle, haters are gonna hate nothing you can do about that. I would hope that your life is big enough and rewarding enough to be able to ignore them. They're losers, leave them to their self created misery. I'd suggest doing something fun with your wife. Friendly game of chess, or shoot some hoops whatever you want. That kind of stuff works wonders.
neowulf Posted June 23, 2011 Posted June 23, 2011 You have spoken of your wife here on numerous occasions. You've mention how wonderful she is, how "unlike" other women she is. You clearly have baggage that she has chosen to push past and loves you regardless. You have spent 5 years together. Let the other stuff go Woggle. You can't change the world or the people in it. Making yourself unhappy won't change the world, or the way some people are. You are *lucky*. There are people all over this board who would give anything to have what you've found with your wife. We get what we focus on Woggle. Focus on happiness, while the sun still shines on you.
carhill Posted June 23, 2011 Posted June 23, 2011 What are some ways to slap myself back into some sense and get me in a romantic mood again. I don't want to ruin this occasion. Trash the internet for the next four days. Happy fifth
Author Woggle Posted June 23, 2011 Author Posted June 23, 2011 I had a talk with a close friend of mine who has become a voice of reason. He is happily married and very functional despite the fact that he was pretty wild back in the day but he certainly grew up. He asked me if I want to let my ex ruin my life from a prison cell and it made sense to me. Today while at work I am actually getting excited again about it. Some things just really piss me off and I think any man who has been royally screwed over by a woman and still treated as the bad guy can relate to this.
Ms. Joolie Posted June 23, 2011 Posted June 23, 2011 (edited) The good news is that you acknowledge that have been royally screwed over by a woman or two in your life. Lots of men get screwed over my a woman or two in their life, but they just go on blindly hating and mistreating women. Now that's scary! They don't even recognise that they are harboring ill feelings from their past about women. They don't recognise that their past experience is tainting their current relationships, their current outlooks on life and relationships. While men and women continue to do each other wrong (as they have since the beginning of humankind) you and your wife have a relationship that works, that you enjoy and that has you still in love - for 5 years and counting! The messed up relationships are ordinary, Woggle. It is the special relationships like yours that are extraordinary, that need celebrating, that need talking about, and that we need as examples in our lives. The way I see it, we all let negativity affect our relationships, whether it comes from a news article, or a forum or our own thoughts in our head, or something said. It can be from a past experience or something current in our lives or a worry about the future. We all have our negative dramas that tend to keep us from being in absolute love with our partners. Recognition of this is the key. With recognition, it is then up to us on what we want to do about it. Edited June 23, 2011 by Ms. Joolie
Author Woggle Posted June 24, 2011 Author Posted June 24, 2011 I can't speak on how it is for women but many men who get hurt in a relationship start to get a mentality where they are determined to never let it happen again. The problem is when a man finally does find somebody good it is very hard to break out of that hyper vigilance. My ex is in prison and more than dealing with her karma so why do I still let her affect my life. My wife and I had a great time having dinner up on the boardwalk and those loving feelings are coming back so I think things will be okay.
2sunny Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 I can't speak on how it is for women but many men who get hurt in a relationship start to get a mentality where they are determined to never let it happen again. The problem is when a man finally does find somebody good it is very hard to break out of that hyper vigilance. My ex is in prison and more than dealing with her karma so why do I still let her affect my life. My wife and I had a great time having dinner up on the boardwalk and those loving feelings are coming back so I think things will be okay. to hand your ex that much power isn't productive for doing your best today... looking back is never a good idea for healing and moving forward. stay focused on the NOW... knowing what you DO have is good. no one can know the future - but staying focused on the day we are in (today) is much more useful in finding your way to being happy.
Silivren Posted June 25, 2011 Posted June 25, 2011 Let me ask a question to the women here. When you hear about things happening to women or read about stuff that just pisses you off does affect your relationships with your husband or boyfriend? This is a really good question, Woggle. I consider myself to have a very happy and healthy relationship. My bf and I are expecting his first child (not my first) and I would consider us to be very happy. I read these forums because I find people's stories interesting - and I believe I've had some life experience that perhaps I can share and help people. When I read these stories - it makes me sad for the people that are suffering. I especially hate to see 20+ years-worth marriages breaking up due to infidelity. I think this makes me appreciate my bf more and I am always telling myself that I should never take what we have for granted and to constantly keep lines of communication open so that we can be together and make things work. I guess I'm trying to learn about people and their behaviors on the forums but I don't think that just because there's some bad people out there that makes everyone the same. Congrats on your anniversary!
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