LDawkins Posted June 22, 2011 Posted June 22, 2011 Long story......(be prepared) I meet this guy online, we talk via e-mail and exchange numbers. He texts me a couple of times trying to meet up and I basically blow him off. One day I decide to text him to see how he's been and we make plans to meet one day after work. That day I'm really busy and had to work late so I text him and tell him and say I'll keep him updated. He says that he'll stay later at work and wait for me but around 9:30 pm he texts me saying he's going to leave. I tell him sorry that I couldn't get away from work. Weeks go by and we don't really contact each other. One day I randomly text him to see how he's been and offer to meet up. We make plans for a Saturday, meet up and have a great date. We met up at 9 pm and ended up staying out until 4 in the morning; having dinner, talking, sampling wines at a wine bar and just walking around town. I had a great time, but he says to me that he actually gave up on me or thought I just didn't want to meet or talk to him because I kept blowing him off. He texts and says he'd like to do it again sometime if I'm not too busy. We texts each other about 2 or 3 times that week and make plans for the next weekend, go out, have a great time (making out, cuddling, etc) and end up having dinner and hanging out at a lounge until 7 am! I tell him that I'm going out of town that weekend and I'll be back on Monday. I don't contact him while I'm gone. When I get back on Monday I call him and leave a message telling him I was back in town. He calls me back that night from work and leaves a voicemail (I was sleep) telling me he was about to leave work but wanted to return my call and would try to call me tomorrow if he doesn't have to work late again. He doesn't call the next day so I call him the day after. He answers and says he's about to leave work so he'll call me back in 20 minutes, he does, and we talk for a while and he tells me he's going to Denver for the weekend and he'll be back Monday. We don't talk when he's gone. When he gets back he texts me and I tell him that I have to go away for a family obligation. He says he wants to see me during the week so we make plans. When the day arrives I text him just to ask if he's busy at work, and he says yes but he still wants to see me he's just not sure what time but he'll keep me posted. Around 8:15 he says he can meet at 9 pm but can't stay out as late as we usually do as he has an early meeting in the morning. I ask if he needs to postpone, he says no, he just didn't want me to think anything was wrong if the night ended earlier than usual. After a lot of back and forth about where to meet and how long it would take to get there, he says maybe we should just reschedule. I say cool, he asks if I'm sure and if I'm mad and I say no that we're now even for the day that I had to work late. I go out of town and don't contact him. I get back late Monday, have a terrible day at work Tuesday, so I contact him on Wednesday via text. He tells me that he has to go to Seattle for work the next day and would be there for 4 days and would be back Monday night. It is Wednesday and I haven't heard from him yet. A few questions: 1. Is it unfair of me to be a little annoyed at the sporadic contact given what a flake I admittingly have been (particularly in the beginning)? I am wondering if I'm starting to give off the vibe that I'm just not that into him. I actually really like him, but I don't believe in calling or texting all the time, though it somehow bothers me that he doesn't text me more often than a few days a week. 2. It will now be four weeks since our second date, will the time lapse cause him to lose interest even though we are both somewhat responsible (I was gone two weekends and he was gone two weekends)? 3. Is it weird to not want to meet during the work week? I mean if we have to I will make the time, but I really do prefer weekends and he works 12 hours and travels quite a bit so it seems more suited for both of our schedules but it seems abnormal and not really the ideal situation for progress. 4. We both are really career-oriented and I'm honestly not ready to put a man before my ambitions, but I don't think he's ready to put a woman ahead of his...If I like him and see potential....should I stick around thinking that we might be able to build something in the future even if we're not necessarily ready for "you are the absolute most important thing in my life ever" right now? Any advice/input is appreciated. Thank you!
iJester Posted June 22, 2011 Posted June 22, 2011 The situation actually sounds pretty good for both of you. You both travel and work a lot, so you should both be pretty understanding of that. I think you'd both certainly benefit from spending a significant amount of time together without work pressures(the weekend), so you can get to know each other better. As far as contact goes, you can initiate some while you're away or while he's away, and the person who is home can also initiate(none of this occurred to you before?). You can also have a talk with him, and tell him that you're starting to really like him and you'd like to hear from him more.
Author LDawkins Posted June 22, 2011 Author Posted June 22, 2011 The situation actually sounds pretty good for both of you. You both travel and work a lot, so you should both be pretty understanding of that. I think you'd both certainly benefit from spending a significant amount of time together without work pressures(the weekend), so you can get to know each other better. As far as contact goes, you can initiate some while you're away or while he's away, and the person who is home can also initiate(none of this occurred to you before?). You can also have a talk with him, and tell him that you're starting to really like him and you'd like to hear from him more. Thanks a lot! It actually seems like a good situation, I'd just like to up the contact a bit so the next time we see each other I'll tell him that I'd like to hear from him more. Lol, it did occur to me that the person who is home could initiate, but honestly, I wouldn't. I have always believed that if someone is going out of town that person should be the one to initiate contact - you don't want to seem like you're bothering or clinging to the person while they're on vacation or working. I don't know that I feel like we're at that point yet.
iJester Posted June 22, 2011 Posted June 22, 2011 When I go on business trips, they are absolutely exhausting mentally and physically. Not sure what yours or his are like, but that could be the reason for not initiating. I think the person who is home can initiate something toward the end of the day, but don't wait by the phone for a response and don't text/call more than once; wait for them to get back to you. When they do respond, keep it short and just let them know you wanted to see how they're doing and keep it brief. It shows you care, but you're also being respectful of their time. Don't talk to him in a whiny way(you seem pretty level headed), and just let him know that you want to make an effort to see him more and hopefully he'll respond in kind.
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