Imhot2 Posted April 19, 2004 Posted April 19, 2004 Three days before I had major surgery on my shoulder, my boyfriend's girlfriend came to our RV because he had not called her the night before. I was shocked, but more angry than anything. I told the girl that I was sorry she was getting hurt. He lied to both of us. After getting my surgery complete and coming back home to this man, I am still very angry and resentful. He says he wants to marry me because he loves me. He says that having this affair has shown him the kind of woman that he wants to spend the rest of his life. I do love this man, but I am not a big fan of "no trust." The reason he wants to stay with me is for financial reasons. I have great credit and we have both signed our names to several notes to live in our beautiful RV and to build a new home in the next few weeks. If we break up now, there will be huge financial losses. I have not worked since 2002 so I feel much more vulnerable than usual. This man has supported me without question for the past 7 years. I have saved his butt by having great credit, managing all of the money, and steering his carreer in the proper direction. Basically he goes to work and I manage every other facet of our life. I have bailed him out of more trouble than I want to mention, financially. Should I stay in the relationship and marry the guy to protect myself? Or should I get out now and ruin both of us financially? I realize that men and women are not perfect. Cheating on another human being is very common. This does not make it hurt any less. I am trying to see the positives of this in my life. In some ways, I feel empowered to know that it is possible for me to forgive such an act. In other ways, I feel like I am due to have one free fling just to even the score. I want to save this relationship but I do not want to do all of the work. help and advice needed from all people. Crystal
Fedup&givingup Posted April 19, 2004 Posted April 19, 2004 Crystal, You make the question sound so swayed by putting it like, "Do I leave and ruin both of us financially?" as opposed to the alternative which is continuing in a relationship based on what? The fact that you can't trust this man? A financial loss can be gained, and it is strongly based on what you decide to do or make of it. Rebuilding your trust in another person is very contingent upon that person. In other words, you are putting more faith in someone else (that has already betrayed you very badly) than you are in your own self. This man doesn't just go to work, and you just manage every other facet of your lives...that's a lie. He goes to work, he plays the field, and you get the s***ty end of the stick. If you stick with him after he pulled this bull crap, he's marrying YOU because he knows he can get away with it. Whatever you decide to do, it's not going to be easy.
shamen Posted April 19, 2004 Posted April 19, 2004 I definitely don't think that evening the score is a good idea for either one of you. This has the potential to mess you up, as well as him. Whether or not you stay together is something that you have to decide (maybe other people will have suggestions for you). This is up to whether or not you feel like you would ever be able to forgive him and if you think that he would ever do it again. If the answer is yes and no, respectively, then maybe there's a shot. I personally wouldn't stay with someone who cheated on me though; a relationship has to be built on trust. It's hard to rebuild once someone cheats. The financial aspect is a tough one though. However, lots of people get separated and divorced and live through that too, even financially speaking. You could talk to someone who is knowledgeable about finances to see what your options are... Don't feel that you are trapped because of a financial situation!
Fedup&givingup Posted April 19, 2004 Posted April 19, 2004 Originally posted by shamen I definitely don't think that evening the score is a good idea for either one of you. This has the potential to mess you up, as well as him. QUOTE] I forgot to reference this part of it...this definitely won't solve anything. It will only cause more problems, and you will still harbor resentment against him. IF you decide to stay with him, it's something you need to hash out with a counsellor...don't take matters into your own hands by trying to do it to him. It's not worth it.
Arabess Posted April 19, 2004 Posted April 19, 2004 I can somewhat understand a man cheating on his wife to avoid the whole divorce issue....but why the hell do guys cheat on their girlfriend???? It makes no sense.
reasontosigh Posted April 19, 2004 Posted April 19, 2004 I would suggest seeing a counselor about the relationship issues. It would be best if you both went, but you could still benefit from individual sessions. Talk to your banker (or a certified financial planner). You absolutely need to protect your credit. There may be more options that you have than you think at the moment.
spencer Posted April 27, 2004 Posted April 27, 2004 you dont have to split up or get married. dont even think of marriage. NOW he wants to get married. i think he is a peice of schitte to suggest it to you after something like this. even if you do decide to go forward, i'd make him sweat, big time. work on seeing if the relationship is salvagable and go from there.
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