thelovingkind Posted June 22, 2011 Posted June 22, 2011 I went on my second date after my break-up tonight. It was progress. The first date a week ago was very difficult. I needed the social contact primarily since I don't have any friends here (and it's far easier to find a date on short notice than someone who just wants to hang out for no reason), so I took a chance on someone I wouldn't normally be interested in. I missed my ex the whole time and it felt wrong being out with someone else, almost like cheating I'm slightly embarrassed to say. I felt vulnerable and lonely and was haunted by fears my ex was on a date as well except feeling far more relaxed, happy and comfortable than I was, and probably getting physical with the other person as well and feeling fine with it. The prospect of being out there on my own trying to forge a connection again made me nauseous and I longed for the reliable warmth and relaxed intimacy of being on a relationship night out instead of the awkward politeness and clipped laughter of a first date. I went home and cried afterwards. Tonight (with a different person) was a bit different. It definitely didn't feel the "right" guy (the attraction/chemistry just wasn't there) but it felt good to be out there again. As I relaxed I could "feel" myself sitting in the movie theatre with someone different - someone that wasn't my date, but it wasn't quite my ex either. This time it was more a vibe of, I wanted to be with someone I feel a spark of possibility with, but the person itself was more of a question mark, someone yet to be met. This is a good improvement because last time I wanted nothing but the comfort of my ex back. I don't want to oversell my progress - I definitely still missed my ex, and my thoughts returned to him many times during the evening. But this time it was one foot in the past and one foot in future possibilities whereas last time was two feet in the past and a tentative shielded glance toward the future. The best part to come out of tonight was just a glimpse of that visceral feeling of there being a new chapter ahead of me. Until now it was all self-talk - "you will get through this, you will move on" and my whole body, mind and heart would ache and sigh in response, "no, no, I will never have that wondrous, warm feeling of connection again". I haven't come close to feeling it yet, and I know I'm not ready just yet either, but I know it's out there and when it comes I will seize it
yulaw911 Posted June 22, 2011 Posted June 22, 2011 Wow..As i was reading your post i felt EVERY single emotion you were feeling when i went out on my first date after my ex broke up with me 3 weeks ago. Especially the part about picturing your ex doing the same thing and getting intimate. I definitely miss the relationship night out instead of trying to "sell" myself to this other person but hopefully we do find that right person who will make us feel that connection again. Thank you SO much for posting i really connected with this post.
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