the_analyser Posted June 22, 2011 Posted June 22, 2011 Hello my dear female friends, I'm 25 years old and I've never been in date before. I've been lonely for a few years and I'm in DESPERATE NEED to find a girlfriend. Here is the thing: I'm short(5'5) and skinny but I'm interested in dating an attractive woman. She doesn't have to look like a model, but she should have a pretty face and not be overweight. I've posted a few pictures of me on the website bellow. https://sites.google.com/site/techtaurant/ Please judge me with HONESTY and tell me how difficult it would be for me to find a decently attractive woman based on my physical appearance. Please note that I need to wear glasses. Contacts just don't work for me. As far as approaching girls, I am considering doing that at random places, such as grocery stores, gym, coffee shops, etc. I am considering random places because I no longer have the patience to wait for that special person to come from my social circle. Here is a script I would use at a random place: Me: Hi, I'm [my name], can I ask you a simple question? Her: Yes / Sure Me: Would you like to go on a date with me? Let's say I act with all the confidence in the world and I do that with as many girls as I can. Do I stand a chance of getting a positive response? Any advice or suggestion is greatly appreciated
BiscuitXOXO Posted June 22, 2011 Posted June 22, 2011 Of course you stand a chance. Now get off your computer and try it! Let us know how it goes
welikeincrowds Posted June 22, 2011 Posted June 22, 2011 Me: Hi, I'm [my name], can I ask you a simple question? Her: Yes / Sure Me: Would you like to go on a date with me?I can tell you right now, the answer is going to be no. First of all, it's not the right question. She has no idea if she'd like to and it doesn't matter. All you want to know is whether or not she's willing. Second, questions are a bit of a last resort. Your goal is actions. "Let me get your phone number and I'll give you a call." Similarly, you don't want to set up a script for words. If you need a script, you want to set it up by action: 1. Approach (get near to her) 2. Strike up a conversation with about something in the area 3. Feel out how well you connect on that base level, if you could foresee a way to spend a few non-boring hours of time with her 4. If it went well, get her phone number (if you feel like you have no way to segue that, simply tell her you want to see her again); if it didn't go well, no big deal. I don't mean to nitpick the minutiae because yes, you should just try these things and learn for yourself; it's the quickest and best way. But I do feel you need to shift your line of thinking about your general approach. It's not so much about "getting dates" as it is about testing the waters with people. For the most part, you only need a little potential to "get a date". You definitely don't need to do any magic tricks.
hannah01 Posted June 22, 2011 Posted June 22, 2011 Of course, you really deserve to have a girlfriend by your side. All you need to do is to exert great efforts on finding the perfect girl and the right woman of your dreams. Get out of your shell right now! Join some dating sights and establish a date with the hottest girl...
oaks Posted June 22, 2011 Posted June 22, 2011 Please judge me with HONESTY and tell me how difficult it would be for me to find a decently attractive woman based on my physical appearance. If you try online dating, get better photos. The lighting in these is poor and makes it look like you have a double chin hiding in the shadows even though you say you are skinny.
oldguy Posted June 22, 2011 Posted June 22, 2011 (edited) I can tell you right now, the answer is going to be no. First of all, it's not the right question. She has no idea if she'd like to and it doesn't matter. All you want to know is whether or not she's willing. Second, questions are a bit of a last resort. Your goal is actions. "Let me get your phone number and I'll give you a call." Similarly, you don't want to set up a script for words. If you need a script, you want to set it up by action: 1. Approach (get near to her) 2. Strike up a conversation with about something in the area 3. Feel out how well you connect on that base level, if you could foresee a way to spend a few non-boring hours of time with her 4. If it went well, get her phone number (if you feel like you have no way to segue that, simply tell her you want to see her again); if it didn't go well, no big deal. I don't mean to nitpick the minutiae because yes, you should just try these things and learn for yourself; it's the quickest and best way. But I do feel you need to shift your line of thinking about your general approach. It's not so much about "getting dates" as it is about testing the waters with people. For the most part, you only need a little potential to "get a date". You definitely don't need to do any magic tricks. Don't be so quick to assume. Back in my college days I knew a guy who would strike up casual conversations at a club with women & very shortly in ask if they wanted to have sex, or that he would like to have sex with them or something like that. He got slapped repeatedly, beat up occasionally but left with a lot of ladies. Now obviously he was a jerk or at least ballsy but it did get the results he was looking for, jerk that he was. My point is, I've heard some pretty sad lines work, but then again I guess there is a key for every lock. Edited June 22, 2011 by oldguy
rafallus Posted June 22, 2011 Posted June 22, 2011 Me: Hi, I'm [my name], can I ask you a simple question? Her: Yes / Sure Me: Would you like to go on a date with me? Why would she say yes? You give her some reasons to go, before you ask. And not in a way "I'm nice, well-educated, make decent money, would you go on a date with me?". Don't be so quick to assume. Back in my college days I knew a guy who would strike up casual conversations at a club with women & very shortly in ask if they wanted to have sex, or that he would like to have sex with them or something like that. That takes much more balls than "ummm, excuse me, would you go on a date with me?"
dispatch3d Posted June 22, 2011 Posted June 22, 2011 As far as your plan to walk up and ask them on a date, I'd probably work on something else first. Talking to cashiers without it being awkward about random things, then move on to talking with strangers about random stuff, then once that's comfortable you could talk to strangers and see if it goes somewhere then ask them out on a date. Supermarket isn't the best place. People are kinda in a rush there in general.
oldguy Posted June 22, 2011 Posted June 22, 2011 Why would she say yes? You give her some reasons to go, before you ask. And not in a way "I'm nice, well-educated, make decent money, would you go on a date with me?". That takes much more balls than "ummm, excuse me, would you go on a date with me?" I realize this. I was trying to make the point that even the worst lines, if asked often enough will get the desired response. Zig Ziggler talks about this in great detail before going onto the subject of asking the "best" questions or the questions that will get you the desired response more of the time. In other words, there are no bad questions or approaches only better ones. And another thing Mr. Ziggler taught was to be flexible to the individual in your approach. I also realize that the Ziggler approach was initially intended to help the salesman but it's been pointed out many times that that is what we are doing in most of our interactions with one another, selling something, usually ourselves and therefore his principles can also apply.
Author the_analyser Posted June 23, 2011 Author Posted June 23, 2011 Well I thank all of you who responded to my thread. Howerver I didn't get a lot of replies concerning my chances with decently attractive woman ( she doesn't have to look like a model) based on my physical appearance. Here is the link to my pictures again: https://sites.google.com/site/techtaurant/ Please be honest when judging me. I don't get offended by your opinion
Rinas Posted June 23, 2011 Posted June 23, 2011 I don't think there should be a big issue. Everyone has a different eye for beauty. You don't look bad to me.
Author the_analyser Posted July 14, 2011 Author Posted July 14, 2011 Since I first started this thread, I have approached more than 20 women at the following places: (1) Grocery store (2) Mall --> both customers and store employees (3) Restaurant --> waitress (4) Beach (5) Coffee Shops. I have asked them directly: Me: Hi can I ask you a simple question? Her: Yes. Me: Would you like to go to an date with me? / I want to invite you to go on a date with me. Would you be interested? Some of them have complemented me for asking them, but with almost no exception, their reply has been "Thanks but sorry I have a boyfriend / I'm married" Although I'm sure some of them are telling me the truth, I'm getting suscipious that some of them aren't. One girl gave me her number, but I waited two weeks to call and for the second day in a row she has not answered the phone. Ladies, If you were single and some guy approached you randomly and POLITELY invited you on a date, would you by instinct lie to him by telling him that you have a boyfriend?? Any thoughts or ideas are greatly appreciated.
daesin Posted July 14, 2011 Posted July 14, 2011 If you makes you feel any better, I'm the same age and am also in the same situation. I'm really fighting myself to stop this trend and I'm glad you're doing the same. So best of luck to you.
Ginger Beer Posted July 14, 2011 Posted July 14, 2011 I don't think you should come straight out with the date question. I, too, want to start 'dating' soon, but I have no idea where to start. :-D I'd probably choose to strike up a conversation on a bus, especially if you see said girl regularly (journey to work, college etc). That should be easy enough to get a conversation going. Maybe you could try this? I really just want to meet new girls with the intention of being friends though. I think if I was actually looking for a relationship by striking up conversations with strangers, I may end up looking desperate or being disappointed when conversation doesn't go as well as I'd like.
Ginger Beer Posted July 14, 2011 Posted July 14, 2011 So pissed off. Just typed a really good post and clicked 'Alert Us' by accident and lost it. Right, it basically said, I don't think you should come straight out with the dating question. I, too, would like to start dating soon (I'm 22), I have no idea where to start though. Sometimes I daydream little scenarios in my head, on a bus, in a library, college courses etc, places where I'd like to find girls who are smart and I could possibly form friendships with. On a bus for example I think is a good idea, you're both sat there on a journey and probably have nothing to do, you're constantly driving past things so there are things to start conversation about, if you see them regularly (journey to work, college etc) then you can ask them about that. A cheeky smile and something witty can go a long way, (at least, I think it could ). The main thing I want is to meet new girls and make new female friends, with the possibility of something more. I wouldn't want to seem desperate or be disappointed if one of these random conversations with a stranger went really badly. I'd like to just go into it hoping for a nice conversation and that's it. Hope this makes sense. ****ing hell the post is back now.
musemaj11 Posted July 14, 2011 Posted July 14, 2011 Your face itself isn't ugly. But u seem like a nerdy nice guy.
Ginger Beer Posted July 14, 2011 Posted July 14, 2011 He said he needs glasses though? I personally thought he should go for a more modern haircut.
Afishwithabike Posted July 14, 2011 Posted July 14, 2011 Since I first started this thread, I have approached more than 20 women at the following places: (1) Grocery store (2) Mall --> both customers and store employees (3) Restaurant --> waitress (4) Beach (5) Coffee Shops. I have asked them directly: Me: Hi can I ask you a simple question? Her: Yes. Me: Would you like to go to an date with me? / I want to invite you to go on a date with me. Would you be interested? Some of them have complemented me for asking them, but with almost no exception, their reply has been "Thanks but sorry I have a boyfriend / I'm married" Although I'm sure some of them are telling me the truth, I'm getting suscipious that some of them aren't. One girl gave me her number, but I waited two weeks to call and for the second day in a row she has not answered the phone. Ladies, If you were single and some guy approached you randomly and POLITELY invited you on a date, would you by instinct lie to him by telling him that you have a boyfriend?? Any thoughts or ideas are greatly appreciated. You're cute in a geeky way. Your approach is probably putting them off. It's too abrupt and not smooth. They don't know anything about you other than your name. You need to build a little common ground with them first. You need to make conversation with them. Talk them up a bit. You can't just introduce yourself and then ask them out on a date. Ask them some social questions about what they do, like..have some curiosity about them without getting really personal. Gauge their body language. Do they seem interested in your? Are they smiling, moving closer or are they looking like they want to escape? If the reaction is positive then ask them to coffee (beer if you prefer), a movie or whatever. If someone gives you her number, don't two weeks to call her. That's way to long to wait.
Star Gazer Posted July 14, 2011 Posted July 14, 2011 You have great hair, and I *think* I actually dig the glasses. You don't look skinny at all, either. I'd personally need you to be taller, but there are plenty of gals out there who'd have no problem with your height. And this: I can tell you right now, the answer is going to be no. First of all, it's not the right question. She has no idea if she'd like to and it doesn't matter. All you want to know is whether or not she's willing. Second, questions are a bit of a last resort. Your goal is actions. "Let me get your phone number and I'll give you a call." Similarly, you don't want to set up a script for words. If you need a script, you want to set it up by action: 1. Approach (get near to her) 2. Strike up a conversation with about something in the area 3. Feel out how well you connect on that base level, if you could foresee a way to spend a few non-boring hours of time with her 4. If it went well, get her phone number (if you feel like you have no way to segue that, simply tell her you want to see her again); if it didn't go well, no big deal. I don't mean to nitpick the minutiae because yes, you should just try these things and learn for yourself; it's the quickest and best way. But I do feel you need to shift your line of thinking about your general approach. It's not so much about "getting dates" as it is about testing the waters with people. For the most part, you only need a little potential to "get a date". You definitely don't need to do any magic tricks. is excellent advice. Study it.
HeavenOrHell Posted July 14, 2011 Posted July 14, 2011 Why are you focussed on what your potential woman should look like, ie level of attractiveness, how pretty she is? What about personality? You're also focussing on what you look like rather than what your personality is. Some people will think you look attractive and others won't. You look ok in your photos but if you don't have an attractive personality it means nothing. Unfortunately some women will judge you on your looks, the way you are judging others on theirs (going on what this post says) and you will be too short for them, there will be some women who put personality first though and height won't matter, so hopefully you'l find someone who finds some attractive based on personality rather than looks. Make sure you never come across as desperate, women will think you want to be with them as you're desperate. Get into a conversation first with someone before asking them straight out, how do you know you want to go on a date until you know anything about them? An overly confident person doesn't appeal to me, we all like different types, I personally think shy is cute. I just want someone to be warm, friendly and sound interested in me and my life. Hello my dear female friends, I'm 25 years old and I've never been in date before. I've been lonely for a few years and I'm in DESPERATE NEED to find a girlfriend. Here is the thing: I'm short(5'5) and skinny but I'm interested in dating an attractive woman. She doesn't have to look like a model, but she should have a pretty face and not be overweight. I've posted a few pictures of me on the website bellow. https://sites.google.com/site/techtaurant/ Please judge me with HONESTY and tell me how difficult it would be for me to find a decently attractive woman based on my physical appearance. Please note that I need to wear glasses. Contacts just don't work for me. As far as approaching girls, I am considering doing that at random places, such as grocery stores, gym, coffee shops, etc. I am considering random places because I no longer have the patience to wait for that special person to come from my social circle. Here is a script I would use at a random place: Me: Hi, I'm [my name], can I ask you a simple question? Her: Yes / Sure Me: Would you like to go on a date with me? Let's say I act with all the confidence in the world and I do that with as many girls as I can. Do I stand a chance of getting a positive response? Any advice or suggestion is greatly appreciated
KathyM Posted July 14, 2011 Posted July 14, 2011 Hello my dear female friends, I'm 25 years old and I've never been in date before. I've been lonely for a few years and I'm in DESPERATE NEED to find a girlfriend. Here is the thing: I'm short(5'5) and skinny but I'm interested in dating an attractive woman. She doesn't have to look like a model, but she should have a pretty face and not be overweight. I've posted a few pictures of me on the website bellow. https://sites.google.com/site/techtaurant/ Please judge me with HONESTY and tell me how difficult it would be for me to find a decently attractive woman based on my physical appearance. Please note that I need to wear glasses. Contacts just don't work for me. As far as approaching girls, I am considering doing that at random places, such as grocery stores, gym, coffee shops, etc. I am considering random places because I no longer have the patience to wait for that special person to come from my social circle. Here is a script I would use at a random place: Me: Hi, I'm [my name], can I ask you a simple question? Her: Yes / Sure Me: Would you like to go on a date with me? Let's say I act with all the confidence in the world and I do that with as many girls as I can. Do I stand a chance of getting a positive response? Any advice or suggestion is greatly appreciated No, dear, you're way off base. First off, you're kind of an average joe. You will have the best luck if you set your sites on more average-looking nice girls. You can work on your appearance, though. Buy some cool-looking clothes. Change the glasses to something more attractive, change the hairstyle, and do some research on how to pick up girls, and what to say to them. Asking them point blank to go on a date is not a good plan, and you're likely to get turned down. If you learn how to approach them, improve your appearance in a way that it can be, and set your sites to girls that are more in your league, you will have more luck with dating. Also make sure you improve yourself in whatever ways you can. Start working out. Develop some interests, such as sports and interesting hobbies. Girls like guys who are interesting and active. Learn to dance well. Girls love a guy who's a great dancer. Good luck.
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