Shtubes Posted June 22, 2011 Posted June 22, 2011 After 4 months of sending me poem after poem and emails with poems and balloons saying thinking of you and bringing me lunch at work and exchanging gifts. Even putting me on her cell phone plan just two weeks ago, we have our first "tiff". Nothing really big mind you, we went back and forth a little bit about peeing in the shower of all things. I thought it was kind of gross and she didn't. Fine ok whatever.... It went down hill from there with her, in what I interpreted as a loss of faith in us, saying she didn't know how we could make it work (ie live together) if my kid went to one school and hers went to another. Big red flag went up and I excused myself with a hug and a kiss. We didn't talk for 3 days until today. Here is the conversation... A note to break the ice. I don’t know what you're thinking or feeling but, I’m sure it’s not good. I'm feeling quite distressed and disheartened myself at our first “disagreement”. I really didn’t expect it to feel so much like the psychological warfare I had with my ex. I will not be able to deal with that. I would have hoped that you, as a woman, would think that we, as a couple, could overcome any obstacle. Like the obstacle wouldn’t matter as long as we were together. That love could overcome anything. I just want to be loved and fully accepted for who I am as I’m sure you do. I don’t care if you wash your hair every day, every other day or every three days. From the first moment I saw you it has been stunningly beautiful and always looks gorgeous to me. I don’t care if you shower at night or when you shower. As long as you smell and taste like you did when I first kissed you. I don’t care if you pee in the shower as long as it doesn’t smell like it and I can too ;-) If you don’t feel like we can overcome certain obstacles, if there are things about me that you can’t accept, please tell me as soon as possible. I will give you the phones back and we can go on our merry way. I will always know that the last four months have been some of the most wonderful of my whole entire life and hope you feel the same. Sincerely I'm sorry for ending it this way. There will be always be obstacles in our life, but some can be overcome and some can't, even if there is love involved. If every obstacles can be overcome, then there wouldn't be divorces, no break-ups, the world would be perfect. You and your ex-wife couldn't overcome certain obstacles, and so unfortunately "love can't overcome anything". It's best we end it here, then to drag it on, trying to ignore the issues or hope that we can overcome the issues at some point in the future, when in fact the issues will become a problem. Just remember why you left your wife. There were minor problems that existed before you were married, and you chose to ignore it, and later it comes back again. It's the minor things that adds up to a major thing. I accept the way you are, which is why we can't be together. Inorder for us to be together, then I would have to try to change you. And I know that isn't fair or right. You're a great guy, who have many great attributes to offer. I'm sure you will be perfect for someone else, but for me, you are not the right one. The reason for the break-up is not simply because of the minor issues, but how we both handled the issues. If an issue this small took us 4 days to handle it, what will happen to us when a big issue appears? How we handle the obstacles that comes our ways is the most important thing, and frankly we are both not capable of handling it too well. Yes please return the phones to me , so I can return the phones. Thank you for your companionship in the last 4 months. I haven't been this happy in such a long time. I will cherish the moments that we spent together. Although we are no longer a couple, I would still like us to be friends. Sincerely, Christ can u believe that, sorry just angry... "In order for us to be together, I would have to try and change you"...well thanks for letting me know ***
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted June 22, 2011 Posted June 22, 2011 the honeymoon phase ended for her. that is the best solution I can think of. my advice to you is don't be "just friends". all it will do is make your healing process longer, and make her heal faster.
lalalandman Posted June 22, 2011 Posted June 22, 2011 bahahaha!! Dude that's what you get for not allowing her to pee on your feet in the shower! Oh man, she basically just told you that she's a CONTROL FREAK!! "I have to change you!" Oh man, this thread really woke me up, because my ex said the EXACT same thing when she broke it off with me. It took me reading this post to realize, ****, that's not my fault at all. Anyways, just leave her be. She's drama.
Mr. Savage Posted June 22, 2011 Posted June 22, 2011 I'm confused. Is each seperate paragraph going back and forth between you and her? i'm not sure who is saying what in that conversation. could you label who is saying what so I can get a better understanding. thanks!
lalalandman Posted June 22, 2011 Posted June 22, 2011 I think she starts at "I'm sorry for ending it this way"
Author Shtubes Posted June 22, 2011 Author Posted June 22, 2011 I'm confused. Is each seperate paragraph going back and forth between you and her? i'm not sure who is saying what in that conversation. could you label who is saying what so I can get a better understanding. thanks! Mr Savage, her email starts at "I'm sorry for ending it this way."
Author Shtubes Posted June 22, 2011 Author Posted June 22, 2011 (edited) Here is my final email to her this morning....my sickness is insomnia brought on by my divorce 5 yrs ago which was then exacerbated by an addiction to sleeping pills which I got off of 23 months ago but, my sleep is still a large work in progress... Dodged a bullet I'm just like wow....love poem after love poem, emails with poems, balloons, telling me I'm your soul mate, best friend, partner, how you'll never find another love like mine, having all your dreams come true....wow, it was all BS. I feel so betrayed believing you. We had one disagreement and you throw it all away. Like it meant nothing. I didn't think a woman could be so cold. The reason I didn't contact you was, as soon as I walked out of the store my heart was breaking and I was sick all weekend. By you essentially saying you didn't have any faith in us to overcome a certain obstacle involving the children I knew you were second guessing. You must have seen and heard in my voice how hurt I was by you saying that. I was hoping you would call to apologize and say that, "yes, we could overcome it, I'm just feeling concerned". We would just have to talk about it and come up with a solution. I felt it was you who should reassure me, not me pandering to you. As sick as I've been and I still wanted to go on, believing you when you said you wanted to be there for me. When you said you wanted to go through it with me. As sick as I've been I truly think that you are even sicker for the way you’ve done this. Putting a bucket by the door so I can wash my feet off wow...no thanks. "In order for us to be together, I would have to change you" dam that's arrogant to say at 4 months. You don't even know me. What I know is, you've made a Big mistake. You're going to regret your decision and you're going to miss me like you've never missed anyone. Falling in love like we did is rare and not something to take lightly. Yes, you've made a Big mistake and....done me a Huge favor. So enjoy your 11 hour days and remember what you told me about Su being depressed with no friends, no life in an unfulfilling marriage with a husband who spends all her money. We had it all My, we really did. So many positives to build on. I slept good last night considering everything on my mind and am very proud of the way I conducted myself these 4 months. Even with what I’ve had to deal with and overcome on my own. I will be getting nothing but stronger after this. Thank you Edited June 22, 2011 by Shtubes
usabup Posted June 22, 2011 Posted June 22, 2011 Here is my final email to her this morning....my sickness is insomnia brought on by my divorce 5 yrs ago which was then exacerbated by an addiction to sleeping pills which I got off of 23 months ago but, my sleep is still a large work in progress... Dodged a bullet I'm just like wow....love poem after love poem, emails with poems, balloons, telling me I'm your soul mate, best friend, partner, how you'll never find another love like mine, having all your dreams come true....wow, it was all BS. I feel so betrayed believing you. We had one disagreement and you throw it all away. Like it meant nothing. I didn't think a woman could be so cold. The reason I didn't contact you was, as soon as I walked out of the store my heart was breaking and I was sick all weekend. By you essentially saying you didn't have any faith in us to overcome a certain obstacle involving the children I knew you were second guessing. You must have seen and heard in my voice how hurt I was by you saying that. I was hoping you would call to apologize and say that, "yes, we could overcome it, I'm just feeling concerned". We would just have to talk about it and come up with a solution. I felt it was you who should reassure me, not me pandering to you. As sick as I've been and I still wanted to go on, believing you when you said you wanted to be there for me. When you said you wanted to go through it with me. As sick as I've been I truly think that you are even sicker for the way you’ve done this. Putting a bucket by the door so I can wash my feet off wow...no thanks. "In order for us to be together, I would have to change you" dam that's arrogant to say at 4 months. You don't even know me. What I know is, you've made a Big mistake. You're going to regret your decision and you're going to miss me like you've never missed anyone. Falling in love like we did is rare and not something to take lightly. Yes, you've made a Big mistake and....done me a Huge favor. So enjoy your 11 hour days and remember what you told me about Su being depressed with no friends, no life in an unfulfilling marriage with a husband who spends all her money. We had it all My, we really did. So many positives to build on. I slept good last night considering everything on my mind and am very proud of the way I conducted myself these 4 months. Even with what I’ve had to deal with and overcome on my own. I will be getting nothing but stronger after this. Thank you Dude that e-mail was a mistake. It made you sound hurt, weak and bitter. Sorry if that's harsh, but I'm only telling you because I made the exact same mistake when my ex left me. I thought it made me sound strong but once my emotions died down I really regretted it. Having said that, you are better off without her!
Author Shtubes Posted June 22, 2011 Author Posted June 22, 2011 Dude that e-mail was a mistake. It made you sound hurt, weak and bitter. Sorry if that's harsh, but I'm only telling you because I made the exact same mistake when my ex left me. I thought it made me sound strong but once my emotions died down I really regretted it. Having said that, you are better off without her! Yea I hear what you are saying. I felt really strong tho writing it. It made me feel good to get that stuff off my chest. I am hurt, weak and bitter and I do feel betrayed. I don't think she has even read it yet and then I talked to her friend (about 2hrs ago) who told me she wants to talk. If she reads it, then there will be no hope.
Author Shtubes Posted June 23, 2011 Author Posted June 23, 2011 We reconciled yay! Basically what happened, and I figured this out at 4am this morning, is that she is a "hothead". She didn’t get her way so she was taking her ball and going home. Her ego was bruised because I wasn’t rolling over for her and then, when I didn’t call or text over the weekend (even tho it wasn’t my place to do so, she should have said she was sorry), she said she was at the boiling point about it. I said to her "so you crushed me to save yourself". She said when she got my email, she felt that it was so impersonal (im ready to go on my merry way). She felt that I didn’t love her enough to, basically, roll over and beg. Hell no that would be stupid lol but, I did love her enough to stick with it and find out why. Kudos to me...
Author Shtubes Posted September 29, 2011 Author Posted September 29, 2011 And then we broke up two months later due to pretty much the same issues.
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