RuinedLife Posted June 22, 2011 Posted June 22, 2011 (edited) Well I think I'm a prime example of how this site can have both a positive and negative influence on people. Positive in that it gives me a chance to make friends other than family, when I'd otherwise be stuck in bed with noone except from family to turn to. Negative in that pretty obviously I do relive my break up a LOT and I do obsess about my ex a LOT. But I honestly think I would do those things whether or not I came to LS. Yesterday I had a relatively good afternoon as I spent more time with family. But after awhile the thoughts about my ex and the break up started to overwhelm me again and cause me to get very shaky and collapse in despair. Coming here helps calm me down. Sure you could say thats not a good thing and that I'm addicted to this site. And I wouldn't argue without you. You would be spot on. But only because here I have friends and here people understand something of what I'm going through, so I don't feel quite so alone in the world. Last night I had vivid dreams about my ex again so woke up in a tearful panic. And coming here calms me down a bit. Reminding me why I have to keep NC, why I have to keep trying to move on, and that there are other people out there who understand and there are other people out there who care about me. I'm so grateful to LS for that. Because I don't want to surrender to a reality where I'm completely alone, with no other friends other than family. And I've made friends on here that literally keep me going, keep me struggling on from one day to the next. I have severe clinical depression at the moment and I know this forum wasn't designed to cope with the really dark thoughts and feelings that accompany this illness, so I try my best to keep a somewhat positive outlook while I'm here and try to keep my constant struggle with suicidal thoughts etc as separate as I can. True I don't always manage this as my depression does make my moods very black for the most part, but I don't know how I'd cope without this site. So thank you so much everyone on LS!! I love you all! You have been my life support system through some of the darkest months of my life! Edited June 22, 2011 by RuinedLife
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