latexyankee Posted June 21, 2011 Posted June 21, 2011 Just throwin it out there. I mean, we are supposed to be out bettering ourselves, staying busy etc...but people are here reliving their misery everyday. Obviously I am too, can't stop thinking of what she's doing every second of every day, but all of a sudden it seems counterproductive. Anyone like to chiime in?
lalalandman Posted June 21, 2011 Posted June 21, 2011 This site is meant to give good advice, which I personally think it does, tremendously. The moving on part of it is your job.
TheVSilent Posted June 21, 2011 Posted June 21, 2011 This site is meant to give good advice, which I personally think it does, tremendously. The moving on part of it is your job. This site has been helping stay strong, NC and reading peoples similar stories get me motivated. I understand where you are coming from, but in general this is how I cope, it is nice to know people are going through what I'm going through.
WTRanger Posted June 21, 2011 Posted June 21, 2011 To echo the other posters, this forum can only give you text to read. It is up to you and you alone to actually take action. Many times, people come on here expecting us to tell them what they want to hear and not what they need to hear. They'll become combative, call us all asswipes and quacks, then leave in a rage. What you get on here is a vast array of opinions based on 1-2 (or 40) paragraphs about your situation based on our interpretations of your words and our experiences. I'll agree, that the constant whoa-is-me posting after a few months does keep you in the rut. If you are always reliving the nasty parts, you won't allow yourself to get to the good parts. But for every failed LS experience, there are many more positive experiences. If you want to read an amazing 1-year turn around story, search for McGrupp's posts. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t244265/
Ginger Beer Posted June 21, 2011 Posted June 21, 2011 I agree with the other posters above... Having said that... After enough time has passed... For some people, I believe this forum can hinder or prevent them from taking that final step. For these people, the forum in a way is an extension of their Ex. So not coming to the forum for them, is finally closing that chapter in their lives, once and for all. I dunno about that.
stray Posted June 22, 2011 Posted June 22, 2011 I have to agree with homebrew. I think for some people, this forum prolongs the process of getting over someone, because it provides them a mechanism to hang onto the break-up through indefinite "venting" or analyzing their emotions. Sometime the best way to get over someone is to just simply not have the time or ability to think of them or talk about them. This is why I tell a lot of my girlfriends going through break ups to go back to school or take up a second job, or join a group that will put deadlines on them to get something done. If people are forced to do other things besides think or talk about their exs, they will find that sure enough, they'll start to get over them. Had it not been for school, whether it was undergrad, or cramming for the LSAT or panicking over admissions and maintaining grades, I'd be nuts from my break ups too.
Exit Posted June 22, 2011 Posted June 22, 2011 Like anything in life, this forum can be used in a good way, and sometimes it can be bad. It's great after the initial breakup if you have nobody else you can really talk to, it's good to read other people's problems and realize that you aren't alone, but yes, there are some members who end up just reliving their pain every day.
threebyfate Posted June 22, 2011 Posted June 22, 2011 For breakups and moving on, this forum is excellent in support and research material. But when it comes time to date, avoid the dating forum. That's where you're going to find the worst advice on LS.
cerridwen Posted June 22, 2011 Posted June 22, 2011 For breakups and moving on, this forum is excellent in support and research material. But when it comes time to date, avoid the dating forum. That's where you're going to find the worst advice on LS. ...Dead on...
Author latexyankee Posted June 22, 2011 Author Posted June 22, 2011 [quote=WTRanger;3468653 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t244265/ ^This might be the most insightful thing i've ever read.
threebyfate Posted June 22, 2011 Posted June 22, 2011 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t56954/10 THE LS classic to break up. No foolin's Guide to the Long Walk. Live it, breathe it, sleep it and eat it!
Andrew80 Posted June 22, 2011 Posted June 22, 2011 I say that this place is helpful. there are people here telling stories about how nc works and there is light at the end of the tunnel which for most people dont think is there.
muse08 Posted June 22, 2011 Posted June 22, 2011 (edited) Coming here allows anonymous venting...ANONYMOUS. You can't always share this stuff with people you know, as strange a that may seem. Personally, I dont like feeling like I'm burdening anyone with my issues. Additionally, it's not a good feeling being judged or compared to people you know, based on someone's expectations. Either way, opinions are just that.Whether they're what you want to hear or not. Venting to individuals who CHOOSE to be here makes a difference. As for any advice, you have to be selective, not allowing your every move and decision to be guided by others' words and thoughts. Deep down, we all have our own voice. Learn to listen to it, while CONSIDERING...CONSIDERING the feedback of others. Btw, pls ignore my thumbs down. It's a mistake and on no way meant to offend O.P. Couldn't remove it. Edited June 22, 2011 by muse08
leoc1973 Posted June 22, 2011 Posted June 22, 2011 Well at first when the ex broke up with me. I was completely devistated and my mom was in the hospital almost died literally a couple days later. I missed a week of work and then I had to go back or lose my job on top of it all. While I was at work I would count the hours till I could get out and come on this forum just because for some reason when I am on here I mean I think about her but at the same time don't hurt while I am reading everyone elses stories. Tward the end of the work day I would start to feel like I was trapped and felt myself starting to break down. I would cry all the way home. And I am a man in every sense of the word big strong and just masculine but I would cry like a little baby. lol that being said altho you would consider this an extension of my ex and my breakup. I just can't cry anymore I mean I have tried to(the notebook usually does it) and just can't even trying to do it to make myself feel a little better. But what I have come to realize is that I just don't hurt very much anymore. I am almost over her. Thank you love shack people cause you helped me through a very dark time in my life. I met a new girl who makes me smile even through texts. And something really hit me. My ex never really made me smile(just a very serious non playful person) and I realized what everyone always tells you that you really do meet someone better in the end.
Art_Critic Posted June 22, 2011 Posted June 22, 2011 For these people, the forum in a way is an extension of their Ex. So not coming to the forum for them, is finally closing that chapter in their lives, once and for all. Agreed.. they are also the ones that never let the advice given soak in and let it take effect.. They would rather buck the trend and advice and do it their way.. thereby extending the time spent on LS.
Art_Critic Posted June 22, 2011 Posted June 22, 2011 Btw, pls ignore my thumbs down. It's a mistake and on no way meant to offend O.P. Couldn't remove it. Off Topic but if you hit edit.. then hit go advanced near the bottom of the text box, you can edit the title and change those little emoticons.
Author latexyankee Posted June 22, 2011 Author Posted June 22, 2011 No offense taken, I'm obviously here so i thought maybe I should share what i was feeling at the time. I do agree that this is a positive place. I've just kept coming back all week and thought to myself "wtf are you doing, you are just torturing yourself". But I do take in a lot from here and am very glad I joined. I read some posts after i started this thread that may have completely changed my outlook.....until i wake up tomorrow...ouch.
thelovingkind Posted June 22, 2011 Posted June 22, 2011 One thing that's great about this forum is that it's actually a place people can be sad. I think if anything there's too much pressure in real life for people to move on fast. Well-meaning friends can be terrible at this. It is not uncommon for people to tell friends coming out of 2,3,4+ year relationships even in the first few days "Don't worry, s/he's a tool, good riddance, you'll find someone much better, plenty more fish in the sea..." The thing that people here appreciate is that you need time to be sad. It doesn't matter how insensitive, cruel, hurtful or even abusive your ex might have been nor what s/he did or how miserable the relationship might have been toward the end, there's an understanding on LS that you're still gonna be sad, you're still gonna crave them back, you're going to miss them and that it's okay to express those feelings here.
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted June 22, 2011 Posted June 22, 2011 Like Leoc1973, this forum gave me the support I needed during those rough times. I started on this forum because it is full of people that have been through a hurtful breakup. I agree with everyone on the fact that you need to move on yourself and this forum is only here for support. I don't get on this forum because of my ex any more. Maybe an extension of my ex though because during my time of pain I realized I like to help people and by being on this forum I get to do just that. I may not have helped anyone on here but just by hitting the post reply button, writing my opinion, and actually posting it I feel that I have done my best to relieve that person of their pain, fears, or questions. Even if someone posts a story that is very similar to mine I don't think about my ex, my focus is on the pain that followed my break up and the events that took place before or after. So for me this forum isn't holding me back, it's pushing me forward.
fltc Posted June 22, 2011 Posted June 22, 2011 Easy answer: That depends. It depends on the individual, the circumstances, the phase of the moon and, in my case, how I'm feeling today. I've had some help here so I have to say it's good to an extent, I've also stayed too long after realizing that LS couldn't help with my problem(s) (which I haven't posted yet and won't) but it's hard to leave, I became too involved with some here and I'm still waiting to see how things work out.
johan Posted June 22, 2011 Posted June 22, 2011 This site is crawling with quacks and trolls and bullies as much as it is caring, sincere people. And contrary to popular belief, the prime directive of LS is entertainment. It's not a huge group therapy session. There are no professional therapists moderating threads. It just so happens people get a lot of entertainment value out of discussing relationships. And it does go to show you that you get what you pay for. If you are really in search of help, then it isn't to a random bunch of anonymous strangers you should turn. You should find a trained professional and pay that person. It doesn't make a lot of sense to complain that the free advice you're getting isn't very good.
thelovingkind Posted June 22, 2011 Posted June 22, 2011 This site is crawling with quacks and trolls and bullies as much as it is caring, sincere people. And contrary to popular belief, the prime directive of LS is entertainment. It's not a huge group therapy session. There are no professional therapists moderating threads. It just so happens people get a lot of entertainment value out of discussing relationships. And it does go to show you that you get what you pay for. If you are really in search of help, then it isn't to a random bunch of anonymous strangers you should turn. You should find a trained professional and pay that person. It doesn't make a lot of sense to complain that the free advice you're getting isn't very good. I think the proof is in the pudding. If this site helps you it helps you, if it doesn't it doesn't. It shouldn't take more than a couple weeks to work out whether it's having a corrosive or supporting effect. For me, it's already had a big positive effect. The unshakeable support for NC and the sad accounts of people who have wavered and broken from this rule have kept me in line when I've been a hair's breadth away from contacting my ex. My self-esteem and outlook has greatly improved. I do agree that people with pervasive, malignant psychological issues - abusiveness, chronic trust issues, etc. should seek professional help. But most of what I see here is pure and simple heartache.
Art_Critic Posted June 22, 2011 Posted June 22, 2011 It doesn't make a lot of sense to complain that the free advice you're getting isn't very good. Boy.. that advice sucks... I guess I got what I paid for.. Good post by the way...
PelicanPete Posted June 22, 2011 Posted June 22, 2011 Like everyone else said, this is a good place for venting and gathering some free and usually helpful advice. However I don't think you should stay on LS through out the whole period of moving on. I know when I first joined the forum all it reminded me of was my ex breaking up with me. Even though reading peoples stories and receiving advice from others helped me straighten out my thoughts, it only got me so far. Once I got the advice I needed, I stopped visiting the site and started applying what I learned which helped me move on with my life.
florence of suburbia Posted June 22, 2011 Posted June 22, 2011 the prime directive of LS is entertainment. Silence.......cricket chirping........more silence.......
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