QuestionsGuy Posted June 21, 2011 Posted June 21, 2011 (edited) Hello, I could use some advice on this one because i know damn well this kind of thing can break a good thing. I have been in a relationship with a young woman for the past 2,5 years. A great relationship which i enjoy a lot and makes me happy. I guess you could say i consider her "the one" i want to marry. Sadly, all previous encounters with girls have been dissapointments which included being cheated on, brutally dumped, toyed with, feigned interest, friendszoned, and sudden and unexpected loss of feelings/interest on the part of the girl. Combined with self esteem issues regarding my looks, a failing career that once was promising and the loss of some friendships that meant a lot to me, im kinda shaky in the confidence and jealousy department the past years. This expresses itself as me getting jealous kinda easily when she spends a lot of time with a certain guy friend. And insecurity about her feelings for me if she is distant for a while. On the bright side, i let her go out with her friends without me, i let her spend time with guy/girl friends, and let her do her own stuff when she wants. I'm doing my best not to be a ball and chain, and most of the time things are just fine. I guess on average id ask for some reassurance once every 1-2 months. I dont know if that's a lot or not. Compared to 2,5-3 years ago she seems less 'crazy in love' and less romantic. Though we still cuddle a lot, which isnt saying much because she always has cuddled with guy friends before, and still freely gives everyone a big loving hug. Tonight was one such a moment. I have had a crappy week, i recieved bad news about some of my teeth needing to be removed, and im forced to take a big step back in my career after fighting hard to get to where i was. So i wanted to have a little reassurance, just a few words to reassure me the most important thing of all is still intact and stable. And she said she felt offended when i asked her if she "still wants to marry me" and "feels as strongly about me as ever". Saying she "of course" still wants to marry me and "pretty much" still feels as strongly as ever about me. I should not need to ask and should already know it she said. And asking for reassurance like that is widely considered awkward, unpleasant and offensive. Is asking for reassurance every now and then really that offensive and frustrating for women? Most importantly,....i got a problem (Dang that's hard to admit. ). I need to get over the insecurity and jealousy so it doesnt cause stress and friction in my relationship. And i would live a happier life. Any advice? Edited June 21, 2011 by QuestionsGuy
Goatsbreath Posted June 22, 2011 Posted June 22, 2011 bah, I don't know. It does not seem like it to me but I think I suffer from your troubles as well. Sometimes you just think to yourself, well perhaps if you gave me this reassurance sometimes I wouldn't have to ask for it. I'm drunk and in a bad mood right now...sort of dealing with the same crap....lol
Author QuestionsGuy Posted June 22, 2011 Author Posted June 22, 2011 Well thanks for reypling anyway goaty Anyone else perhaps?
LadyFlame Posted June 23, 2011 Posted June 23, 2011 Not surprised you're a bit jealous and insecure, what with all the bad luck you've had. Sounds like someone cursed you. I'm not even going to say try and combat your jealousy because then I would be a hypocrite; I suffer from extreme jealousy. And look at me - destroys my relationships, almost destroys me life. Has got to the point where I've decided relationships are not for me because I just can't beat the jealousy. You're lucky you're not at that stage; and if you do have jealousy issues, your girlfriend should understand and be there for you, regardless.
NicoleM Posted June 23, 2011 Posted June 23, 2011 OP I feel the same way! I have the same issues and I know exactly how you are feeling only mine happened with guys instead of girls. My friends told me maybe I need to take a break from dating because I am simply not ready because I was burned by my ex so badly.
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