Woggle Posted June 21, 2011 Posted June 21, 2011 I just got back from getting a haircut and my barber who loves to give out relationship advice said this. He was saying that a man should never treat a woman better than she is accustomed to being treated because it will come back to bite him. In his view a woman like this will look at a decent guy and consider him to be boring or will use him as a whipping boy to get back at every other man that did wrong. He says that if you want to have a happy relationship find a woman who is used to having good and healthy relationships with men and knows how to relate to men on an emotionally healthy level. Do you agree with this?
oaks Posted June 21, 2011 Posted June 21, 2011 He says that if you want to have a happy relationship find a woman who is used to having good and healthy relationships with men and knows how to relate to men on an emotionally healthy level. I agree with this bit. Not so sure about the other paragraph.
denise_xo Posted June 21, 2011 Posted June 21, 2011 I agree with this bit. Not so sure about the other paragraph. Ditto. The other paragraph didn't make sense to me. In a healthy relationship, both parties want to treat each other well.
quankanne Posted June 21, 2011 Posted June 21, 2011 he's spot-on when he says if you want a good, healthy relationship, you've got to find a partner who is accustomed to good, healthy relationships ... not someone who needs the drama to make it "good." I'd ignore the other stuff, though, because honestly? It negates that other stuff he said about being in a healthy relationship. Sometimes, it takes work because one partner has been in a bad relationship and for the life of them cannot see his/her way out of it, even though the other person is counting on his/her love to pull them through. reminds me of a saying I'd once heard: If you treat a man as he is, he'll never grow, but if you treat him as he could be, he'll fly. Meaning, you've always got to give the other person the opportunity to grow, or the relationship won't succeed. You don't have a long-term, successful, happy marriage if you don't incorporate that element of hope and faith in their personal growth, you just stay stagnant.
Queen Zenobia Posted June 21, 2011 Posted June 21, 2011 Yes and no. My policy is to follow the golden rule, the whole treat people the way you want to be treated. If you want good treatment in your relationships (romantic or otherwise) then be prepared to treat others well. Admittedly I don't always follow this to a T but I try. So on the first point I don't agree with your barber. On the second point I do agree. Men and women who have a history of good, healthy relationships are often the very same people who have solid morals in the first place (hence why they have good histories). Those "good and healthy relationships" are merely reflections of an already present good character.
Intricategirl Posted June 21, 2011 Posted June 21, 2011 Agree with the other posters... the second part of the advice is solid. If she has been in healthy relationships and is an emotionally healthy person, she's going to treat you right, and it's okay to give her the world. The first part is a little harder. A woman that isn't used to healthy relationships may or may not treat you right, simply because she doesn't have the skills/confidence/self-esteem/whatever to know how to deal with a good man showing her affection. If you go to the pound and get a dog that's been hit his whole life, and you reach out to pet him, he may bite, flinch, or lap up the attention. Same thing. I wouldn't say you should go out of your way to make sure you aren't giving them too much, but I'd argue that you should decide in the early stages whether you want to be the one to train them to see men as friend instead of foe. If you decide to continue with the relationship, then treat them decently and don't withhold affection just because they aren't used to it.
Feelsgoodman Posted June 21, 2011 Posted June 21, 2011 I just got back from getting a haircut and my barber who loves to give out relationship advice said this. He was saying that a man should never treat a woman better than she is accustomed to being treated because it will come back to bite him. In his view a woman like this will look at a decent guy and consider him to be boring or will use him as a whipping boy to get back at every other man that did wrong. He says that if you want to have a happy relationship find a woman who is used to having good and healthy relationships with men and knows how to relate to men on an emotionally healthy level. Do you agree with this? Yes this is all true. Women who are used to being treated poorly are damaged goods. They simply cannot appreciate good treatment and see the nice guy as a sucker to take advantage of. It's the same thing with taking a homeless kid off the streets of Bombay or some other third world hellhole and trying to raise him in a nice, loving middle class family. The only difference is that a kid's attitude might change with time. An adults woman's, on the other, is unlikely to.
SmileFace Posted June 21, 2011 Posted June 21, 2011 Yes this is all true. Women who are used to being treated poorly are damaged goods. They simply cannot appreciate good treatment and see the nice guy as a sucker to take advantage of. It's the same thing with taking a homeless kid off the streets of Bombay or some other third world hellhole and trying to raise him in a nice, loving middle class family. The only difference is that a kid's attitude might change with time. An adults woman's, on the other, is unlikely to. hmmmmmmmm..........
Cee Posted June 21, 2011 Posted June 21, 2011 People who are secure and well-adjusted expect to be treated well. And often are. But being treated well is not to be flattered, courted and manipulated. Treating someone well isn't about money, flattery, or acrobatic sex. It's more relaxed and doing the small things that matter like listening, giving someone the benefit of the doubt, or giving them space to pursue their dreams. Treating someone well is an extension of self-care. For example, a person who cares about their health and nutrition will share a good meal with their mate. People who love themselves can't help but have that spill over into their beloved. And to close, I am careful about not getting love advice from big talkers. I'd rather observe my friends in their relationships and see what they do.
youngskywalker Posted June 21, 2011 Posted June 21, 2011 BS!Most men and women like to be treated well. True, but OP does have a point. Niceness, just like everything else is the world can be taken to the extreme. 'All things in moderation' is a good rule to go by.
Mme. Chaucer Posted June 21, 2011 Posted June 21, 2011 what a crock of shiat. When I go into McDonalds this old man is there all the time. He is a major chatter box, big time. He told me that Satan is actually a woman..... That woman only want fo rthemselves and that they are not as sensetive as men. I agree with the last part, but the rest of what he said was BS. After the first half hour of this crap I told him I gotta go. Oh and he's writing a book about woman and relationships...oh boy. I was tempted to bring him on LS as I was on LS when he was talking to me. You KNOW he's already here!
TheCoolest Posted June 22, 2011 Posted June 22, 2011 Nah your barbers full of crap. If you like her treat her great.
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