leighaxox Posted June 21, 2011 Posted June 21, 2011 Sorry, I posted this in the 'transitions' forum, and think it should've gone here. Moderators, feel free to delete my other thread if you like Anyway.... Hi guys, I'm new here and hoping to get some advice please (and thanks!) Please be nice Okay, so I met this guy on a dating website in October. Before meeting, we'd been talking online daily, for like a month straight. Not just "hi how are you" conversations, but big long messages - he seemed like such a great guy. -for the record, in case it matters, I'm 27, he's 33- So anyway, we met up and got along great. We continued to see one another from October through December. At first we'd see one another a couple times a week. We live an hour apart, and he works a lot, so eventually we were only seeing each other once every 2 weeks. I broke it off with him, explaining that I didn't think it was worth it, when we see one another so infrequently. (note at that point we hadn't slept together, it was strictly dating) Anyway, maybe 6 weeks ago, he finds me on the same dating website and we start talking again. We agreed to get together again and see where things went. I mentioned to him I didn't want things to go back to the way they were - seeing one another so infrequently again, and he agreed. So we've been getting together once (or occasionally twice) per week, going on dates, dinner whatever. I actually really like him! We've discussed planning a trip to Cuba together, and going camping with a group of my friends this summer. On Saturday, we went out and had some drinks, and wound up at my house, where we ended up sleeping with one another. Before anything happened, I told him it was really important to me that he's not involved with other girls while dating me - and he assured me that no, he isn't. I reiterated it to make sure, and he promised me that he's not involved w/ any other girls. Okay, so here come my issues... He's still on the dating website, listed as "single." He logged on last night, so I'm wondering - should I be asking him about it? We didn't have a talk agreeing that we were in a relationship, but I understood there was a level of exclusivity. A girlfriend was browsing plenty of fish, and noticed him on there as well - he states that he's looking for a relationship on his profile... His birthday is this weekend. I mentioned Friday to him that I'd like to take him out, and he told me he wouldn't be able to see me this weekend at all - as his family's leaving town, and he needs to help them prepare, and also he's leaving town Monday on business for a few days. I'm sure he'll be going out with friends Saturday - is it wrong to be disappointed he didn't invite me? I invited him camping and several other things with my friends. Like I mentioned, he's going out of town on business - and is telling me he can't see me again until the weekend of July 2,3 - as he'll be busy. Though we live an hour apart, we both work in the same city, so there's no reason why we couldn't grab a bite to eat after work, or go for a walk or something. He just reiterates that he wants to wait until the weekend. If it matters, this was all discussed before we had sex - so it's not like everything changed after the fact. He continues to text me every day - he always initiates the conversation and says sweet things. I'm completely confused and looking for some input. Not sure if I should confront him on this or not. Perhaps I'm looking to move faster than he is? I'm not sure. Maybe I'm overthinking this whole thing..? Hoping I can get advice from you guys... Thanks a bunch!!
thatone Posted June 21, 2011 Posted June 21, 2011 if he was gonna disappear, i would say he would have disappeared after he got laid. if he's still in contact every day, that's a good sign. if he agrees to meet your friends and goes through with that, you should meet his next. if he refuses at that point, you got a problem, i would say. so go ahead, let him meet your friends, then ask when you get to meet his, and see what he says. and fwiw birthdays at his particular age are not exactly all that fun. you're hanging on to "early 30s" by a bare thread so you're not real happy to see another one come along, just fyi . i wouldn't be surprised if his plans for that birthday were only with family.
Author leighaxox Posted June 21, 2011 Author Posted June 21, 2011 if he was gonna disappear, i would say he would have disappeared after he got laid. if he's still in contact every day, that's a good sign. if he agrees to meet your friends and goes through with that, you should meet his next. if he refuses at that point, you got a problem, i would say. so go ahead, let him meet your friends, then ask when you get to meet his, and see what he says. and fwiw birthdays at his particular age are not exactly all that fun. you're hanging on to "early 30s" by a bare thread so you're not real happy to see another one come along, just fyi . i wouldn't be surprised if his plans for that birthday were only with family. Camping wouldn't be until August. Certainly he could meet my friends before then, but when we're back to only getting together once in 2 weeks - I hardly want to bring my friends with me on our date.... And his family is going away on vacation on Friday before his b-day weekend - so he's definitely not doing family things since they'll be gone. He hasn't told me what he'll be up to, just said his weekend's a write-off. I know he'll be packing for his business trip, but that doesn't take all weekend... Totally confused...
thatone Posted June 21, 2011 Posted June 21, 2011 well if you told him the camping trip wasn't until august and that was his opportunity to meet your friends he probably took that as a sort of deadline. so he's probably not going to invite you to meet his until about the same time. if he has plans with his friends for the birthday and you told him he would meet yours in august, that's probably why he didn't invite you. you could try calling him and clarifying that, but that's a sort of all or nothing proposition, he could say yes you're on the same page or he could take it the wrong way. i wouldn't recommend it, at this point i'd just say be content until august, then you'll know.
Author leighaxox Posted June 21, 2011 Author Posted June 21, 2011 It seems a little silly that he wouldn't have me meet his friends until he's met mine. My friends live so far away from where he is, it just isn't feasible. I was planning on coming out to his city for his b-day, so I'm wondering why he wouldn't invite me out with his buddies..? Maybe he's waiting for things to get more serious? Maybe he doesn't see anything serious coming from this relationship? Why is he waiting 2 weeks before we get together again? I mentioned twice to him that I wasn't happy about waiting 2 weeks before getting together again, and he just told me he's sorry but he's busy. Why can't he meet me one evening after work? I don't want to seem needy by asking, but it just doesn't make sense to me. I have no idea if he's just not interested or what Ugh
Kiley12 Posted June 21, 2011 Posted June 21, 2011 It seems a little silly that he wouldn't have me meet his friends until he's met mine. My friends live so far away from where he is, it just isn't feasible. I was planning on coming out to his city for his b-day, so I'm wondering why he wouldn't invite me out with his buddies..? Maybe he's waiting for things to get more serious? Maybe he doesn't see anything serious coming from this relationship? Why is he waiting 2 weeks before we get together again? I mentioned twice to him that I wasn't happy about waiting 2 weeks before getting together again, and he just told me he's sorry but he's busy. Why can't he meet me one evening after work? I don't want to seem needy by asking, but it just doesn't make sense to me. I have no idea if he's just not interested or what Ugh This situation is so similar to mine. I just broke it off with my guy because of his busy schedule and the lack of conversation in between dates. He'd initiate texts every 2 days and it just wasn't enough for me when I would have to wait 1-2 weeks to see him. We don't live too far away either so I didn't see why it was so hard. He also did not invite me out for his birthday last week with his buddies so I figured he didn't see it as serious after 2 months. Really bummed that I had to end it but I just couldn't do it and he didn't fight that hard to save it. Good luck, I hope it turns out better than it did for me.
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