db419 Posted June 21, 2011 Posted June 21, 2011 My ex and I broke up about a year and a half ago; we'd been together 2 1/2 years and she broke it off. About a year after we broke up, this past winter my mother was suddenly diagnosed with cancer and died in a very short time period. After it happened, I had a serious urge to tell my ex, mainly because I felt like talking with her, and I suppose I did, and still do, miss her to an extent. Thinking about it however, I felt like it might not be emotionally the best option for me to tell about a major loss in my life to the last person who had been a major loss in my life, and decided I wouldn't tell her, at least not immediately in the spring semester of college that was beginning anyway. Also, even though me and my ex had no bad feelings, we didn't really communicate after the break up, and I felt it'd be awkward to come to her with such bad news, and then not really talk to her with any kind of frequency at all after that. In any case, her and my mom hadn't truly gotten along, whereas I'd gotten along very well with hers, so I thought no harm done. As far as telling my circle of friends about my mother's death, I let four of my closest friends know in the time following it, and I preferred it that way, to keep it in a close circle. (Truthfully it is the most draining thing have to tell it over, and over, and over, and over again - which was basically all my father and I did with family friends in the months following anyway). In any case, I thought I'd make the right decision until a few days her birthday passed - I sent her a birthday text, pretty casual and nothing long. I'd sent her similar texts at X-mas, and she'd replied back. She didn't reply back, and she hadn't sent me a birthday text on my birthday earlier in the spring (which she'd done in the birthday immediately following the break up). The problem is recently I learned, of the four people I told, one told his good friend, who told my ex, and now I'm wondering if I didn't deeply her by telling her of my mom's passing - my main reason for not telling her being that I still do miss her a lot, and I didn't want to tell about something so painful to... someone I cared about but reasonably knew they didn't care about me like that anymore (Which is fine, that's breakups.) So, even though I know it was my perogative to tell who I wanted about my mom passing, I wonder if I didn't offend or worse, hurt my ex's feelings by not telling her. I didn't expect we'd talk as frequently after the breakup, rarely, but I was happy knowing there were no bad feelings. This is really, truly bothering me. So: Was I out of line not telling her? Would you feel mad in her shoes? I can imagine if I was in her shoes, I'd be mad that I wasn't told or the last to know, but then again, I told all of four people, my closest friends, not nearly everyone I could have. Still, I worry. Opinions? Thanks so much guys.
here4her Posted June 21, 2011 Posted June 21, 2011 I don't think you did anything wrong. She chose to exit from your life, why would it be up to you to include her in it? In my past experiences I found sometimes girls don't reply to messages or send them out of respect when they moved on. It could be that or something else, I would just try to forget it happened. Shes the only one who knows why she didn't respond, and she's not gonna respond if you ask her.
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