Goodgirl99 Posted June 21, 2011 Posted June 21, 2011 I recently cheated on my truly amazing husband of 13yrs. I was out of town for work and ended up staying with a friend made from a previous trip. I didn't plan on doing anything but I knew we were attracted to each other and told myself I would let him kiss me (dumb!) We ended up making out the first night and I told him to stop, but ended up going all the way the next night. I will admit it was exciting but I really just couldn't believe it was happening and wanted to stop but couldn't. Past the actual cheating I am really upset and confused because I had an ORGASM very quickly (like 2minutes or less)and with him on top which I really don't like. Why would this have happend??? I usually need lots of stimulation and I didn't have much feelings for him past friendship. He was not really good either and quite small compared to my husband. We did it twice more during the week all 3 times were esentially the same except I was too sick with guilt to have any excitement the middle time. Third time was identical I had an O very quick and he was very quick as well. By the way I am a very straight Christian and have spent a lot of time in prayer with my husband but haven't been able to get past the "O" with this other man......Help!
reservoirdog1 Posted June 21, 2011 Posted June 21, 2011 What you describe was probably less a reaction to the specific OM, and more a reaction to the knowledge that you were doing something forbidden, illicit, and completely at odds with the teachings of your religion. Simply put, you found it sexually thrilling to be the "bad girl". You say you've been praying a lot with your husband. I take it you've confessed to him?
Author Goodgirl99 Posted June 21, 2011 Author Posted June 21, 2011 Yes I confessed everything. It was super hard but the right thing to do. He was more upset and hurt than he or I thought possible and has just been amazing in working through this. I thought he would leave me for sure. I hope u are right that is all it was but I can't remember thinking or felling that way...And I defiantly don't now!
Bryanp Posted June 21, 2011 Posted June 21, 2011 I think you have a great husband and I hope you appreciate it. If the roles were reversed how would you be feeling? You say you felt disgusted afterwards but you continued to have sex with him two more separate times during the week. What is wrong with this picture? If you had spent another week I guess you would have continued to have sex with him? You have really humiliated and disrespect your husband in the worst possible way. Why didn't you call your husband and confess after the first time? My guess is that you knew you wanted to continue it. How painful and hurtful to your husband. By the way I do hope you immediately get tested for STD's. These are the consequences to affairs. Again you are truly blessed that your husband did not walk away from you in disgust since many husbands would. Were you not fearful that you had destroyed your marriage or were you so confident that your husband would forgive you and you had nothing to fear Something just does not seem right about your story.
Mr.Harris Posted June 21, 2011 Posted June 21, 2011 I recently cheated on my truly amazing husband of 13yrs. If he was so amazing, then why did you cheat? I was out of town for work and ended up staying with a friend made from a previous trip. I didn't plan on doing anything but I knew we were attracted to each other and told myself I would let him kiss me (dumb!)You guys making out didn't just miraculously happen. It was planned and you let it happen. Did you even let your husband know you were staying with a male "friend?" You should've just stayed in a hotel room. Obviously this guy was more than just some friend. How would you feel if your husband went and got him some action while he's in another state? We ended up making out the first night and I told him to stop, but ended up going all the way the next night. I will admit it was exciting but I really just couldn't believe it was happening and wanted to stop but couldn't.If you wanted to stop you could've, but it really wouldn't make a difference. The damage has already been done when you opted to spend the night with a male friend while you knowingly have a husband at home. Past the actual cheating I am really upset and confused because I had an ORGASM very quickly (like 2minutes or less)and with him on top which I really don't like. Why would this have happend??? I usually need lots of stimulation and I didn't have much feelings for him past friendship.Stop blameshifting. You're honestly not upset about it happening because you admitted to liking it. You had new bootay: That's what explains your orgasms. But beside that I see nothing that shows your concern for how you hurt your husband. All that's here is about you and your fun time with OM. He was not really good either and quite small compared to my husband.And this matters how? Your husband will not care. All he sees now is a wife who has hurt him for no reason, other than the obvious selfishness. We did it twice more during the week all 3 times were esentially the same except I was too sick with guilt to have any excitement the middle time. Third time was identical I had an O very quick and he was very quick as well. By the way I am a very straight Christian and have spent a lot of time in prayer with my husband but haven't been able to get past the "O" with this other man......Help!True Christians do not cheat. You should probably divorce your husband if all you honestly care about is the sex you had with OM.
Mr.Harris Posted June 21, 2011 Posted June 21, 2011 Yes I confessed everything. It was super hard but the right thing to do. The only way it could've been hard is if you were trying to find some way to keep the truth from him. He was more upset and hurt than he or I thought possible and has just been amazing in working through this. Of course he's going to be pissed. You didn't think your actions were damaging when you were actively cheating? Or is that the attempt at rationalization you had in your head when you were cheating? And I take by "amazing" you mean he's not disrupting your world of security. Lady you're in for a whole lot of trouble if you think he's just going to easily accept your callous behavior. I thought he would leave me for sure. Right to so by admission, you just didn't care about your marriage. So don't get so upset if he decides to make a "mistake." I hope u are right that is all it was but I can't remember thinking or felling that way...And I defiantly don't now! But you just said in your previous post that you can't stop thinking about the good sex you had with OM.
Author Goodgirl99 Posted June 21, 2011 Author Posted June 21, 2011 Bryan. Actually I was traveling the next week and he was in the same area (we are in the same line of work) and he repeadidly tried to get me out with him, I did not go. He tracked me down at my hotel and we kissed once but told him I had to go because I knew what could happen. Mr Harris I was being selfish and I realize how nieve I was and let my guard down..my hubby did nothing to deserve this..it is all on me. I was attracted to him and how it came to happen (we being together) was his hotel plans fell through and like an idiot I told him he could stay with me all the time thinking I was strong enough to not do anything. He wasn't more than a friend we had texted a few times a week for a couple of months and never inapropriatly (he did tell me he wanted to kiss me but I honestly thought he was joking) Just wanted someone fun to hang out with after meetings beside he was married too. I never thought I would see this individual again....now I never want to! I have never flirted with anyone except my husband and just thought it was fun and didn't see the harm with someone that lived so far away. True Christians do not cheat. You should probably divorce your husband if all you honestly care about is the sex you had with OM. Umm ok..I only know of one perfect person in all of history. I care more than anthing about what I have done to my husband and my Savior. I am counfused about how my body reacted to the sex because that is not what I wanted (tell yourself what you want) but let myself go beyond what I thought I had control of. Satan is very cunning and wants to destroy families getting divorced is what he wants us to do. Hopefully my husband will keep me and I know how much I want to keep him. I feel he has forgivin me but we both need time to heal and recover. We have had some amazing experiences this week amid all the pain and sorrow, I know God wants us to stay together.
Author Goodgirl99 Posted June 21, 2011 Author Posted June 21, 2011 Dear Goodgirl99: You had a great rapid orgasm with the man with the small penis because he was new and forbidden to you. The orgasm was caused by your brain and not his penis. OTOH, you have a hard time having an orgasm with the penis of your H because it is an old routine. If you were a good lover you would find a way to make sex better between you and your H. BTW, there is nothing Christian about your post. I hope you are part right though I hate even thinking I was that "excited" by the forbiddden. Maybe you are right about the old routine, but I wouldn't say I have a hard time it just doesn't happen in a minute or two....never has. My husband is always trying new ways to make sex exciting for us. I can work on it. I always thought it was great..He has told me many times how great of sex life we have and how our friends complain actually both partners to both of us asking for advice. I don't need to spend pages on a msg. board explaining my beliefs to you or anyone. I said I was a Christian and confused by my bodys reaction. I am not dealing with the cheating and hurt on a msg board I am dealing with that with my husband and Savior. I am trying to gain an explanation of a physical reaction that I can't explain on my own.
Bryanp Posted June 21, 2011 Posted June 21, 2011 Wait a second. The next week he tracked you down to another hotel asking to go out with you again but you said NO but proceeded to kiss him anyway? What is wrong with this picture? Why did you kiss him? I think your husband should contact his wife. You still did not really answer my previous question. You stated that you knew you made a big mistake and feeling guilty after the first time you were with him so why did you proceed to have sex with him again on two subsequent times again? Why were you willing to destroy your marriage? What would you be thinking if the roles were reversed? I wish you luck but you need to get into individual counseling and marriage counseling to understand your horrendous behavior. Did you even consider the possibility of getting STD's? Do not just try to sweep this under the rug. You need to find out what inside you gave you permission to do this and destroy your moral compass?
rafallus Posted June 21, 2011 Posted June 21, 2011 Yes, my dear child, satan has possessed you for a time you were dealing with another man. Lord forgives you your sin. Your penance is performing best fellatio of your husband's life and providing him with 10 fertile, attractive female virgins to penetrate in a month. Go and sin no more. (Obvious troll is obvious)
reservoirdog1 Posted June 21, 2011 Posted June 21, 2011 Yes I confessed everything. It was super hard but the right thing to do. He was more upset and hurt than he or I thought possible and has just been amazing in working through this. I thought he would leave me for sure. I hope u are right that is all it was but I can't remember thinking or felling that way...And I defiantly don't now! I take it you've also broken off ALL contact with the OM? And voluntarily given your husband unlimited, anytime access to your email, Facebook, phone/text records, internet search history, etc.? If you want to have any chance at all of rebuilding your marriage, those things are the bare minimum you need to do to start rebuilding the trust you destroyed.
Mr.Harris Posted June 21, 2011 Posted June 21, 2011 Bryan. Actually I was traveling the next week and he was in the same area (we are in the same line of work) and he repeadidly tried to get me out with him, I did not go. He tracked me down at my hotel and we kissed once but told him I had to go because I knew what could happen. Mr Harris I was being selfish and I realize how nieve I was and let my guard down..my hubby did nothing to deserve this..it is all on me. I was attracted to him and how it came to happen (we being together) was his hotel plans fell through and like an idiot I told him he could stay with me all the time thinking I was strong enough to not do anything. He wasn't more than a friend we had texted a few times a week for a couple of months and never inapropriatly (he did tell me he wanted to kiss me but I honestly thought he was joking) Just wanted someone fun to hang out with after meetings beside he was married too. I never thought I would see this individual again....now I never want to! I have never flirted with anyone except my husband and just thought it was fun and didn't see the harm with someone that lived so far away. True Christians do not cheat. You should probably divorce your husband if all you honestly care about is the sex you had with OM. Umm ok..I only know of one perfect person in all of history. I care more than anthing about what I have done to my husband and my Savior. I am counfused about how my body reacted to the sex because that is not what I wanted (tell yourself what you want) but let myself go beyond what I thought I had control of. Satan is very cunning and wants to destroy families getting divorced is what he wants us to do. Hopefully my husband will keep me and I know how much I want to keep him. I feel he has forgivin me but we both need time to heal and recover. We have had some amazing experiences this week amid all the pain and sorrow, I know God wants us to stay together. Wow. Did you just use Satan as an excuse for your behavior? Seriously? And lastly your assumptions on your husband forgiving you needs to stop. You have been cheating on this man for a considerable amount of time while you were supposed to be focused on your job. No way is he going to forgive something this traumatic, in a few days and even then, it takes years for his mind to come back to some sense of normalcy. You have destroyed all of the trust between the two of you and you're trying to blameshift. Let him go if that's all you're going to do, ma'am.
Mr.Harris Posted June 21, 2011 Posted June 21, 2011 I hope you are part right though I hate even thinking I was that "excited" by the forbiddden. Maybe you are right about the old routine, but I wouldn't say I have a hard time it just doesn't happen in a minute or two....never has. You already know the "why" of it. This is not rocket science. You're in control of your own body so there's no need for you to pretend as if that was another person doing the cheating. My husband is always trying new ways to make sex exciting for us. I can work on it. I always thought it was great..He has told me many times how great of sex life we have and how our friends complain actually both partners to both of us asking for advice. Here you have an innocent, loving husband who's trying to find new ways to make you feel good and this is how you respond. Honestly what does that say about you? It shows you need to work on yourself. I don't need to spend pages on a msg. board explaining my beliefs to you or anyone. There's no need to be defensive and besides you came to us. You wanted advice on what you already know and what you already know what you should do and we willingly gave it to you as a courtesy. I said I was a Christian and confused by my bodys reaction. I am not dealing with the cheating and hurt on a msg board I am dealing with that with my husband and Savior. I am trying to gain an explanation of a physical reaction that I can't explain on my own. You're not some confused teenager. You know what you got yourself into.
What_Next Posted June 21, 2011 Posted June 21, 2011 Oh my. I have a strong feeling this post came from underneath a bridge, but on the off chance it did not, you had the nerve to pick that particular username? Then you spout off religious nonsense and claim "satan" had something to do with this? Are you for real? You WANTED TO bang the guy. You got off because it was exciting, secret and dirty. You could have stopped it any second. You didn't WANT TO! Period. Your husband might be amazing, he is amazing for not wanting to discard you like an old newspaper. He chose not to though. Why are you so focused on the sex act? Why? Because you found it excilerating. You deep down think you might do it again right? If so, do the right thing and let your husband find a faithful wife. Holy crap, bible thumping to the extreme! You are full of yourself aren't you?
Author Goodgirl99 Posted June 21, 2011 Author Posted June 21, 2011 I take it you've also broken off ALL contact with the OM? And voluntarily given your husband unlimited, anytime access to your email, Facebook, phone/text records, internet search history, etc.? Of course I broke all contact. And gave all access to everything and have since destroyed all evidence of contact after I showed husband. If you want to have any chance at all of rebuilding your marriage, those things are the bare minimum you need to do to start rebuilding the trust you destroyed. I agree that is a minimum I will be the BEST wife ever from now on.
rafallus Posted June 21, 2011 Posted June 21, 2011 Holy crap, bible thumping to the extreme! You are full of yourself aren't you? Yes. And a troll on top of that.
Author Goodgirl99 Posted June 21, 2011 Author Posted June 21, 2011 If anyone can come up with something more helpful that would be nice. I have not blamed Satan, I said he was cunning. I blame myself for giving into the temptation. Good grief quit putting words in my mouth. I am sure I am doing a terrible job explaining but my husband, my lord and myself are dealing with the transgression. I am aware of where I went wrong, how I got to that point and what I have to do to never go there again....period! I am trying to make sense of one small part and only two have approached that part. I guess I am hung up on something that doesn't matter.
drifter777 Posted June 21, 2011 Posted June 21, 2011 Come on everyone, get your troll radar adjusted and stop responding to this sick man.
Author Goodgirl99 Posted June 21, 2011 Author Posted June 21, 2011 Thought this would be a good place to not get judged and hopefully a little help. Got juddged a lot and yes very little help. Everyone makes mistakes some much larger...myself I made the biggest of my life!
rafallus Posted June 21, 2011 Posted June 21, 2011 Thought this would be a good place to not get judged and hopefully a little help. Got juddged a lot and yes very little help. Everyone makes mistakes some much larger...myself I made the biggest of my life!
Chi townD Posted June 21, 2011 Posted June 21, 2011 Okay, look. You're on a site which a lot of people have been cheated on, dumped and duped by their SO. So, you have to take it with a grain of salt. If you're for real, then you have to realize you did the MOST HURTFUL thing one person can do to another. And you did it repeatedly. If this just happened and you confessed to your husband recently, then I'm guessing the AMAZING experience with your husband trying to heal through this is probably involving a lot of sex between the two of you. This is called hysterical bonding. It's kind of a primal response from your husband to try to subconsiously re-claim what's his. This doesn't last too long. Then your husband is going to go on the "roller coaster of emotions". He's gonna be happy and content one minute and mean as a snake the next. Then, he'll be professing his undying love for you one minute, then you listening to him sob behind a closed door the next. Then he'll promise to stay with you forever; followed up by claiming to want to divorce you the next. And all you can do is watch and try to be supportive, but that might not be enough. Hate to say it but Christians get divorced too. You can say that you believe God wants to two to be married. Well, that's you. He might think that this is a sign from God that he isn't the guy for you. So, best bet? Keep religon out of it. You did this, not God, not Satan....you made a bad choice that could very well have destroyed your marriage. So, what advice to give? You need to seek individual counseling to figure out why you did what you did. Then, you also need to get to a marriage counselor for the two of you. However, the ball is in your husbands court now. If he wants to leave the marriage, there isn't too much you can do about it. Can a marriage survive something like this? Yeah, it can; however, you have to realize it's going to take YEARS. The marriage you once had is gone. You will NEVER have what you had with your husband prior to this. But with a little luck....who knows....
fiatlux Posted June 21, 2011 Posted June 21, 2011 What was your agreement the first time around? To be the WORST wife ever? There will never again be a basis for your husband to trust you about anything! Unless children are involved you should move on to your new life with your new boyfriend. I agree that is a minimum I will be the BEST wife ever from now on.
whichwayisup Posted June 21, 2011 Posted June 21, 2011 He wasn't more than a friend we had texted a few times a week for a couple of months and never inapropriatly (he did tell me he wanted to kiss me but I honestly thought he was joking) I have men friends and not one of them have ever told me they wanted to kiss me, not even in a joking way. When one is married there's a line you just don't cross. There are boundries and also putting yourself in a situation where you won't say no is just.. well..Selfish and asking for trouble. Now, you have a mess to deal with. A devastated husband who now lost all his trust in you. That innocent love and faith is GONE forever, nothing can bring that level of trust he once had for you back. I really hope you cut the other guy out of your life forever and do counselling to figure out why you let something happen, why you didn't even consider your husband and your marriage. It's more than being selfish and being attracted to someone else.
whichwayisup Posted June 21, 2011 Posted June 21, 2011 I agree that is a minimum I will be the BEST wife ever from now on. What is your definition of being "the best wife?" What can you do to better yourself and be a trustworthy wife again to your husband?
nyc_guy2003 Posted June 21, 2011 Posted June 21, 2011 Is it un-Christian of me to get hard from reading your story about having an orgasm?
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