Renard99 Posted June 21, 2011 Posted June 21, 2011 Hi I've been on 3 proper dates (and 1 unintentional date, we bumped into each other) with this girl and I now believe that this can't go any further. I went in feeling that this girl was great so was putting effort into the dates. Now, after the 4th date, I've realised that after the early initial connection, there's not much after that and I therefore feel there's no future. My dilemma is that she's fallen hook, line and sinker for me. Also, whilst things have not progressed to sex, she has been somewhat forward and sexual acts have been performed (which stupidly I knew I should have resisted at the time). I'm now very aware that I will have gone from appearing to be open and into her to being cold and withdrawn almost over night. Is there any advice people can give to help me minimise the impact on her? I know there's no one size fits all answer but having not dated for 8 years I'm a little new to all this (And, to add, the one and only time I have dated before it was successul in producing the 8 year relationship) Thanks
kiss_andmakeup Posted June 21, 2011 Posted June 21, 2011 There is no way to minimize the blow given the information you've provided. If she's really that into you, and you're really not that into her, it's going to hurt her to hear it. The only thing that would be worse would be to continue seeing her when you know this is the case. Best to break it off with her as soon as possible so she can begin to heal a little bit. After only 3 dates, the whole "hook, line & sinker" bit seems a bit much. Perhaps that's a bit of a red flag in itself. Either way, best to end it ASAP.
Finch Posted June 21, 2011 Posted June 21, 2011 It's only been a few dates, and while she may seem to have "fallen for you", its too early for her to have established a real bond to you. You can simply be upfront with her. Tell her you've realized it's not working for you, or that she's not what you're looking for. It sounds mean, but you've only been on a few dates and there's no need to lie. I once went out a few times with a guy who after about four dates said he "just wasn't feeling it". I actually really appreciated his honesty. It was straightforward and let me know that the crucial chemistry wasn't there. It was probably the best way of breaking off a dating relationship that had just begun.
Author Renard99 Posted June 21, 2011 Author Posted June 21, 2011 It's only been a few dates, and while she may seem to have "fallen for you", its too early for her to have established a real bond to you. I beg to differ. She's said many things that I wouldn't expect to hear so early on. It's one of the reasons for my 180 of opinion. Things were going fine then, A) I realised there wasn't as much to her as I once thought, and B) She fell for me so quickly that it scared me!
oaks Posted June 21, 2011 Posted June 21, 2011 I know there's no one size fits all answer but having not dated for 8 years I'm a little new to all this So what you've missed is that people often stop dating after a handful of dates. It happens all the time. What seems like mutual attraction (at least enough to have that second date) on the first date often just isn't there for one party by the 3rd, 4th or 5th date. Ideally it should be a 'no harm, no foul' situation even if the other party is upset or disappointed, but unless they're already thinking the exact same thing then there's not an easy way to say you aren't interested any more. You just have to tell her, and the way you put it here isn't too bad. Tell her in a positive way without any weasel words... for example don't say "I don't think this will work" but do say "this isn't going to work". You don't owe her a lengthy explanation after just 3 dates, but I think it's better to tell her than to just disappear especially given what you know about how she feels.
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