just_scott Posted June 21, 2011 Posted June 21, 2011 hey just wondering about the ''Dumper'' .i am a ''Dumpee'' after a 4 yr long relationship with my girl ,no reason,explination why she just up and left . K i understand they've probably mentally prepared to end the relationship [for what ever reasons] for months in their head and they've finally said enough and BAM no more relationship . IF you're together for a decent ammount of time [4 yrs in my case] when their home alone at night in bed ,don't their mind wander back to the days with you ,and re live all the good times ? wouldn't they step back and really think ''wow did i do the right thing '' etc . IN the 4 yrs together you say things like ''i love you'' etc.you share things,you form a bond,you have intimacy, I don't believe loving ,wanting,carring feelings just die they're pretty powerful emotions that you just can't turn off with a switch[unless maybe if something devistating happend ] then sure love can turn to hate ,BUT not the case here . SO she walked and theirs been ''no contact'' WHAT i'm hopping for is she is reflecting on all our good times,kind words,carring ,and hopping she's not going to just push those feelings down or aside and see how good it was for both of us ,walking out of a 4 yr relationship ,and cutting communication i don't know could be deemd as selfish and heartless [that's how i'm viewing it]i've always believed if in a relationship theirs an issue you sit look each other in the eyes and discuss it put it to restand move on [if it's not something major like cheating,betrayal ] you don't just run and hope for out of sight out of mind .cause one day even if by yourself alone you're gonna have to face your decission and maybe feel crappy . I think instead of running nd avoiding it would be less painful if they talk and discuss maybe come to an agrement or a compromise
OhMittens Posted June 21, 2011 Posted June 21, 2011 As "the dumper" I'd agree that the feelings and questions are there constantly and I have to do everything in my power to keep my distance. I have to constantly remind myself that we were not compatible and we lost the ability to both be happy. It wasn't a lack of love or caring, but a lack of compatability. I wasn't happy with her and I wasn't able to meet her needs which led to years of unhappiness on her part. We still live in the same house so if she has questions about anything I still answer them because I respect her and it can help her heal as well. It kills me to do so though, but I want to help her heal and for her to have all the answers she needs. You can read and respond to my story in my signature if you are interested in it.
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