1st date, second and final chance!!

[InAMuddle]

Me and my ex was together for 5 years, we split up last year and up until recently havnt really had any contact

 

Over the past few weeks to a month we have been speaking more and more and i realised i still had feelings for her. And so knowing that she is also currently single after splitting up with her new bf a few weeks back i decided to ask her on a date. she has told me before this she still has feelings for me and some of those will never go away but she was unsure about that date at first claiming it might be a little weird. i didnt force the issue and yesterday she told me she like to do something on friday . She said she still doesnt know how it will feel being on a date with me but is willing to find out if there is anything worth persuing.

 

Now my problem is knowing this will be my only chance to get things right what do i do, where do i take her? I dont think doing any of the things we used to do the first time round is the right way to go about this, i want things to feel new and fresh but i just cant think of something suitable to fit this criteria

 

just wondering if any1 has had ideas or has been through something similar and how did things work out?

 

Thanks for any feedback - very much appreciated

[Ultrasonic]

That's an obvious answer; you want to take her somewhere that has a lot of memories for you two. Where only good things happened, a place that can only resurrect happy thoughts about your relationship.

 

New and fresh isn't important right now; remembering why you were together in the first place is.

[InAMuddle]

you really think so, does sound quite logical i just dont want to bring back memories of the fact things broke down and we seperated

 

thanks tho, gives me a few ideas

[just_scott]

hi

what i would do in your situation [actually i'm hopping to do it ]my girl walked out on me about a month ago after a 4 yr relationship,now we're in ''no contact'' we will have to see each other because i am moving and have some things of hers to return,she's asked me to take them with me and she'll pick them up at some point .

I would just take her out somewhere like a coffee shop ,or a diner [nothing big and fancy] some place local and just keep the time together short sit eat drink catchh up talk. that way it would maybe let her see you and hear what you've been up to [and vise versa] go home and both just think was it good seeing them again,could you see yourselves in a future together etc .PLUS keeping it short n sweet might make her go home and re live the old good memories and make her want more

A day or 2 later you guys talk say you had a nice time ,ask if she did ,say it was good seeing you again and talking with you [maybe she'll say the same to you ] then say would you like to go out again

TRY not to bring up the past though treat it like it's a new relationship with a friend you haven't seen in a while go slow don't rush into anything

[pd8mxq]

I did read soemthing about going on a date with yr ex. It says that you should go somewhere new where both of you have not been before.

 

So both of you feel new, and u need to make her realise there's room for growth between u two. If you go to the same place like before, maybe she will think (its still the same thing).

 

But I get the point of going somewhere wheere u two were sweet at once.

 

Its a tough call though.

 

I think you should not be too stressed about it. Go with your gut instinct. Afterall, it won;t be the place you choose to go that deicdes whether you two will get back.

[InAMuddle]

thanks for the help people,

 

@ scott - this isnt the first time i will have seen her, we went to a mutual frineds sons christening a few weeks back and since then have been speaking and aweful lot via skype

 

i then seen her over the weekend but both times was only a friend thing, i was worried id been frined zoned as its called so i decided to ask her on a date, i didnt force the issue and she agreed

 

thing is i want this to work coz if it dont then i really have been friend zoned and i believe once you hit there, theres not turning back hence my worrie about where to take her

[iceweasel6]

thing is i want this to work coz if it dont then i really have been friend zoned and i believe once you hit there, theres not turning back hence my worrie about where to take her

 

I hope this will help you out a bit, as I am in the same situation. My ex and I are getting back together and taking it slow.

 

Two schools of thoughts:

1. Go to previous place: it's familiar, old feelings, old emotions, sentimental attachment, subtle subconscious reminders

 

2. Go to some place new: it's fresh, new experience, you both don't know what to expect, excitement

 

I say screw the schools of thought. It's about having a good time. Where you take her play less of a role than if you have a good time. And having a good time is 99% you, 1% environment.

Thus, if your not good at handling new places and neither is she, that may be a heads up that you need to take her to some place where she likes the food, likes the scene and will guarantee a great time. The goal is a great time. Making sure she walks away from the experience thinking - WOW! I had a great time! I want to hang out with InAMuddle again, and soon!!

 

Post a follow-up on how the date went, and where you decided to go (familiar or new). I pulling for you dude regardless of what you choose.

 

For me, my ex is a fastidious eater (very picky). I'm not choosing some place new. I know exactly where to go where she will enjoy the food, actually clean her plate and enjoy drinks and a great environment. Every time we go I joke how she turns into a little pig, and she loves it - cuz it's rare for her to find a place where she actually eats - and she loves it!

Edited June 23, 2011 by iceweasel6