wilsonx Posted July 4, 2011 Posted July 4, 2011 Thanks for the support guys, I'm going for it when the chance presents itself. And I'll read over this whole thread before I go to the farm stand again for added confidence. To be completely honest this girl is the only person I've ever felt nervous/scared about talking to, not sure if it's because I've been out of the "game" for 3.5 years or if it's because I've never been so attracted to someone before . and as always I'll keep you all updated. At the same time, I want to offer some more advice. Dont focus on one person. If nothing comes out of it especially where you are in your growing process, you may get really hurt. You want to go into this with the mindset of you are just having fun and thats it. Im serious, change your mindset from I might want to date this girl to I would like to hang out with this girl and have fun. Also, dont put all your eggs in one basket. You are single, do this same routine with more then one girl, practice practice practice practice until you get it right. Thats what life is about. Do not be in any hurry, you have your entire life to get this right
Author HeartOfAPhoenix Posted July 4, 2011 Author Posted July 4, 2011 At the same time, I want to offer some more advice. Dont focus on one person. If nothing comes out of it especially where you are in your growing process, you may get really hurt. You want to go into this with the mindset of you are just having fun and thats it. Im serious, change your mindset from I might want to date this girl to I would like to hang out with this girl and have fun. Also, dont put all your eggs in one basket. You are single, do this same routine with more then one girl, practice practice practice practice until you get it right. Thats what life is about. Do not be in any hurry, you have your entire life to get this right Completely agree with you. when I started thinking of this girl as a possible future girlfriend I asked myself "am I willing to let this girl hurt me?". I was a little back and forth on the answer at first but within this past week I answer with "yes, I am willing to take a chance and possibly let this girl hurt me" every time I ask myself that question.
thelovingkind Posted July 4, 2011 Posted July 4, 2011 Good advice wilsonx, I have to admit to struggling with the keeping more than one person in my sights rule. It's fine at first when I'm meeting people I'm only slightly interested in / mostly interested in as friends. You meet, you talk, it's casual, feel buzzy about the social contact but not obsessive-minded. But man, once lightning strikes I'm a lost cause. Last relationship I started talking to the guy online at 9pm. I realised I was definitely interested almost straight away, so I made a rule for myself: "Talk to him no later than midnight, then arrange a brief coffee date for later in the week." Here's what actually happened: We talked online until 7am, woke up at 10:30am and began texting, talked online from midday to 7pm at which point he came around and picked me up and went to the movies, came back to mine at midnight and lay in bed talking and making out until dawn. Repeat more or less for the next six days. This time I'm so determined to let things evolve at a healthy pace, but urgh. It's hard! You spend so long struggling to make a connection, when you finally do the idea of pretending like it doesn't exist and just going on polite, chatty dates with each other seems ridiculous. Good luck for you though HeartofaPhoenix
wilsonx Posted July 4, 2011 Posted July 4, 2011 Completely agree with you. when I started thinking of this girl as a possible future girlfriend I asked myself "am I willing to let this girl hurt me?". I was a little back and forth on the answer at first but within this past week I answer with "yes, I am willing to take a chance and possibly let this girl hurt me" every time I ask myself that question. nevermind.... good luck
wilsonx Posted July 4, 2011 Posted July 4, 2011 Good advice wilsonx, I have to admit to struggling with the keeping more than one person in my sights rule. It's fine at first when I'm meeting people I'm only slightly interested in / mostly interested in as friends. You meet, you talk, it's casual, feel buzzy about the social contact but not obsessive-minded. But man, once lightning strikes I'm a lost cause. Last relationship I started talking to the guy online at 9pm. I realised I was definitely interested almost straight away, so I made a rule for myself: "Talk to him no later than midnight, then arrange a brief coffee date for later in the week." Here's what actually happened: We talked online until 7am, woke up at 10:30am and began texting, talked online from midday to 7pm at which point he came around and picked me up and went to the movies, came back to mine at midnight and lay in bed talking and making out until dawn. Repeat more or less for the next six days. This time I'm so determined to let things evolve at a healthy pace, but urgh. It's hard! You spend so long struggling to make a connection, when you finally do the idea of pretending like it doesn't exist and just going on polite, chatty dates with each other seems ridiculous. Good luck for you though HeartofaPhoenix Things evolve when they evolve. Theres no set time limit or pace. You can have fun and if thats what you're having now at whatever pace you are going and you're both comfortable with it then **** it... just do it
Author HeartOfAPhoenix Posted July 4, 2011 Author Posted July 4, 2011 nevermind.... good luck My goal is still to just learn more about her. Like I said in an earlier post, I might find that I'm not attracted to her after I figure out who she really is. But I'm not going to immediately label her as a friend either, hence the possible future girlfriend part of my posts. I guess I can't really put any label on her until I get to know her... even the possible future girlfriend label is to much. She's just the attractive girl at the farm stand for now.
TheHurtProcess Posted July 4, 2011 Posted July 4, 2011 Also, dont put all your eggs in one basket. You are single, do this same routine with more then one girl, practice practice practice practice until you get it right. Thats what life is about. Do not be in any hurry, you have your entire life to get this right I totally agree here. One thing I definitely regret was not dating around more and seeing what else the world had to offer before jumping into a fulltime relationship with my ex. Had I done that, I probably wouldn't be in the position that I was in about a month ago. I probably would have realized much sooner that my ex and I really had nothing in common and that she was much too young to even consider an actual commitment. Then again, everything happens for a reason. But, this isn't about me. So, follow your instinct and trust your heart. I wish you the best of luck. You've got this!
TheHurtProcess Posted July 4, 2011 Posted July 4, 2011 Thanks for the support guys, I'm going for it when the chance presents itself. And I'll read over this whole thread before I go to the farm stand again for added confidence. To be completely honest this girl is the only person I've ever felt nervous/scared about talking to, not sure if it's because I've been out of the "game" for 3.5 years or if it's because I've never been so attracted to someone before . and as always I'll keep you all updated. Good idea. Take some time to get to know her. However, what better way to get to know someone than the two of you engaged in an exclusive conversation over coffee or dinner? Trust your instincts... don't listen to me, haha.
california15 Posted July 5, 2011 Posted July 5, 2011 i think wilson has really good advice on this. also, she may have felt more comfortable with you with your family around because it puts less pressure on 1:1 interaction with you soley (sp?) if there are other people around. And a guy who is close with his family may also be something she likes so yeah good luck - dont put too much pressure on yourself/the situation. I think its going to go well personally. Like Hurtprocess said, trust your instincts.
Author HeartOfAPhoenix Posted July 16, 2011 Author Posted July 16, 2011 Well here's my update for these past 2 visits (yesterday and today). Yesterday... not to proud of myself on this visit. I was feeling really good going in, the place wasn't as busy as it normally is, and she waits on me at the register. She was looking especially good (although it might just be because I hadn't seen her in over a week) and I basically froze. She didn't seem as happy on this particular day either, not sure if something was bothering her or what but either way I froze. Today... Much better than yesterday, BUT today the place was more busy than I have ever seen it. She walked out from out back to restock some shelves and I think I surprised her by saying "Hi" from across the shelf she was stocking. she smiled and said "hi" back. She went back in the storage room (or backroom, idk lol) and I proceeded to walk around for a little while (hoping the crowd would die down but it didn't) I originally only went to get some spinach. I left with spinach, celery, and parsley... and I also grabbed a few other veggies but put them back. Ok now that you have a better idea on how hard I was trying I'll get back to what happened... I say "hi" to her as she's stocking shelves, I get a smile and a "hi" back, she goes back into the storage room, I walk around a few minutes more, when I get near the storage room entrance she comes out and announces that she can take a customer at the back register (guess who's standing practically right in front of her.... me . Now I didn't get into a conversation with her today because like I said the place was busier than ever, But I think me just acknowledging her with the "hi" from across the shelve made her a little more relaxed around me. I'm not saying for sure but that's the gist I got while at the register. I'm ashamed of myself for what happened yesterday... perfect time to strike up a conversation and I just froze in place. But it does make me wonder "why can I talk to ANY other person and be just fine, and not her?"
PelicanPete Posted July 16, 2011 Posted July 16, 2011 Urgh we seem to have a bit in common, I'm dealing with a similar situation right now. You have trouble talking to her because you're going into crush mode! She lights up the room, the angels are singing, your heart is dancing about and your caught up in an internal battle of not screwing it up because she seems holier then the pope. Your pupils are dilated, maybe a little perspiration, and you feel like everyone is staring at you. I tried to avoid crush mode as long as possible, but it went its in full bloom after I saw her today even though I didn't get to talk to her. You just need to push yourself! Fill the silence with any general small talk because it can evolve. If its about the weather today, you can compare it to the weather last week where you were doing _____. She will probably ask questions which will open up more avenues, you can switch the spotlight a bit on her, and soon enough you'll have enough conversation to openly ask things like her name without sounding creepy. Just start with talking about yourself so she feels more comfortable and you feel like less of a stranger. Just don't be scared, shes just another person. If you feel yourself freezing, just keep telling yourself to stop being a coward. You may end up screaming inside your head about not being a wuss, but you'll soon watch yourself saying what you were initially too scared to say.
Author HeartOfAPhoenix Posted July 16, 2011 Author Posted July 16, 2011 PelicanPete, Yeah me falling into crush mode was on complete accident. the day I first saw her I just got done telling my parents that I didn't want a relationship or anything, at least for a while. Then I saw her and all those feelings of not wanting a relationship vanished lol. crush on first sight to be honest. But you are right about her just being another person and I shouldn't be freezing like that. This is the only girl I've ever met where I'm actually nervous talking to her. Kind of a new feeling for me and I'm not sure how to handle it.
wilsonx Posted July 16, 2011 Posted July 16, 2011 Its ok to freeze, I use to do this recreationally for about 3 years Usually a couple nights a week. Confidence is key. If you freeze its ok, I froze the other day trying to ask a girl out for coffee. She was really pretty and had a great smile. I asked her her name and she told me it was Lynee and I said what a pretty name, it goes well with your smile. She gave me one of those amazing cheese eating smiles and I just froze. Complete lock down froze. You can't be mad at yourself, I wasn't mad at myself. I still had plenty of opportunity to ask her out because I was watching her out of the corner of my eye pretend looking at her phone while she was watching me and I couldn't close. I HAVE AN IDEA, use my line on her. Ask her her name and tell her oh thats a pretty name, it goes well with her smile. If she has a name tag on, it makes it even better. PRACTICE IT PRACTICE IT PRACTICE IT in a mirror until you can say it cold
Author HeartOfAPhoenix Posted July 16, 2011 Author Posted July 16, 2011 I HAVE AN IDEA, use my line on her. Ask her her name and tell her oh thats a pretty name, it goes well with her smile. If she has a name tag on, it makes it even better. PRACTICE IT PRACTICE IT PRACTICE IT in a mirror until you can say it cold That is a very good idea, and she doesn't have a name tag but I might try that approach. I'll try the mirror thing I can see that helping. After paying for my stuff today I did realize one thing that she doesn't do with any other customers, well at least I haven't noticed her do it with anyone else. When she passes me my change every time she kind of drops her hand into mine. Like if you were to pass someone a handful of dirt, you would put your hand into theirs as much as possible so you don't lose any of the dirt. I wish I had realized that yesterday, every detail I pick out of our encounters gives me more and more confidence. Hopefully I don't freeze up again lol.
wilsonx Posted July 16, 2011 Posted July 16, 2011 when you get married and have little heartofphoenixs running around, I would like you to cite me in your memoirs
Author HeartOfAPhoenix Posted July 16, 2011 Author Posted July 16, 2011 when you get married and have little heartofphoenixs running around, I would like you to cite me in your memoirs Haha, I'll create another thread about that when it happens, And you will be cited for all of your help.
TheHurtProcess Posted July 16, 2011 Posted July 16, 2011 Freezing happens to the best of us bro. It happens to me quite often to be honest. Don't be too hard on yourself. You'll get another chance. It's those opportunities that present themselves where you most likely won't get another chance that would bother me most. She'll be there again the next time you go in most likely. So, don't sweat it. Good luck my friend, I've got my fingers crossed for you.
Author HeartOfAPhoenix Posted July 17, 2011 Author Posted July 17, 2011 Freezing happens to the best of us bro. It happens to me quite often to be honest. Don't be too hard on yourself. You'll get another chance. It's those opportunities that present themselves where you most likely won't get another chance that would bother me most. She'll be there again the next time you go in most likely. So, don't sweat it. Good luck my friend, I've got my fingers crossed for you. Yeah I know I'll have more chances. But the stand is only open during the summer, and I think she also goes to college but it's one that is 2 hours away from here. I'm not sure when the stand closes exactly but my time is limited which is making me nervous. I went there with my family yesterday and she wasn't there again, I'm hoping she just took the day off and will be back but she told my mother that she works there everyday so I'm a little scared about her not being there, especially so soon after she took a week off.
TheHurtProcess Posted July 17, 2011 Posted July 17, 2011 Yeah I know I'll have more chances. But the stand is only open during the summer, and I think she also goes to college but it's one that is 2 hours away from here. I'm not sure when the stand closes exactly but my time is limited which is making me nervous. I went there with my family yesterday and she wasn't there again, I'm hoping she just took the day off and will be back but she told my mother that she works there everyday so I'm a little scared about her not being there, especially so soon after she took a week off. I'm sure she'll be in there again the next time you're up there. She probably just takes a day off here and there. If I worked everyday, I'd want to take a day to myself here and there as well. Perhaps she had some sort of event to attend. From the signs she was throwing you, it sounds as if she's interested. Just try not to wait too long. She might be waiting for you to make a move and from what I've noticed, some girls get anxious at first and if nothing happens in a reasonable amount of time, they start to lose hope. It's as if they start to double guess, wondering if their instincts were correct or perhaps you were just being "friendly". Not to add more pressure, but I'd get a move on it. The summer is going to be coming to a close quickly. To be honest, I'm really looking forward to the end of this summer myself, due the issues that have plagued me all season long. Good luck my friend. You've got this.
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