Breakup talk out of nowhere?

[Ryno33]

So here's the situation: I'm in the Army and live about an hour away from my girlfriend. She is getting ready to leave to grad school in August. Everything has been awesome so far. We celebrated our 6 month anniversary last weekend. She says I'm the first boyfriend she has even told her dad about and the first boyfriend she brought to her mom's house to meet. All our friends think we're a great couple. We both have 4 year degrees and plan on continuing education (I'll have to wait 3 more years till I'm out of the Army), so there's no real gap in education that some couples might find daunting. No signs whatsoever of a breakup.

 

So this past Saturday I went to visit her. I knew something was wrong as soon as I showed up. The night before we were sending each other normal, playful texts while I hung out with the guys and she was out with the girls. She said she was fine and we watched some TV. Half an hour later, I ask again what's wrong, and she drops the bomb on me. She says she thinks maybe we should break up. I ask why and she says she doesn't know. I ask what I did wrong and she says nothing, I've been the best boyfriend she's ever had. Not sure how much of this is her trying to spare my feelings (despite me already being completely crushed), I decide to leave. Before I take off, I ask if we can talk about this more in a few days.

 

Now it's Monday afternoon. Her best friend (slash roommate) and I are also friends and I asked if she had any advice. She says I've done nothing wrong and that I should just give her time to figure out her feelings. All her roommates want me to come back to hang out when I'm ready. There are absolutely no hard feelings anywhere here.

 

One thing I remembered after our discussion is that after our 6 month anniversary dinner, my girlfriend cried about her pending move for grad school. She grew up in the area, earned her bachelor's here a year ago, and this will be the first time she moves away. My friends think she's breaking up with me to make it easier to move away.

 

If they're right (even if they're wrong), I don't know what to do. We've never had a fight. I love her and we already discussed maintaining a long-distance relationship and thought we were both 100% willing to give it a go. I don't want our relationship to end, but I don't want to try to force us to stay together. I haven't decided when to try to have our follow-up conversation or what to say. Does anyone have any advice for me??

Edited June 21, 2011 by Ryno33

[california15]

I'm sorry she dropped the bomb on you. Some of us got the bomb, some of us got the disappearing act.

 

I think she needs a little bit of time to figure out her feelings. It seems like she has alot going on from your post regarding moving and school etc. Also her indecisiveness of "i don't know" when asked why the breakup, also seems to me she needs time and space to figure things out.

 

I think you need to wait and have the follow up conversation. Wait 3 weeks or so (according to Heartofapheonix's advice on another thread) - it gives time to rationally think about the relationship instead of having a talk fueled by possible-breakup emotions. Gives each of you time to evaluate the relationship and what you want.

 

However, I wouldn't put a specific date on it though. Don't say, "Well july 15 will be "the date" of the talk" because then its in the back of your head and her head, and it could cause unwanted and unnecessary pressure to have things "figured out by then" or "know what I want to say" by then.

 

Summary: give her time and space to figure things out. Let her know you support her. Actually give her time and space (thats the hard part) and wait a while before your talk, without setting a date for it in stone.

 

If in the end she choses not to continue with the relationship (LDR aren't for everyone) respect her decision there too.

 

Good luck.

[Ryno33]

Well, she texted me tonight and asked if we could talk. I wanted to wait and do it in person, but decided to just treat it like a band-aid.

 

I told her I only really have one question: Do you still have feelings for me? She said yes, but not enough. So I just ended it for her. I said "I guess that's it then. I'm not going to try to force you to stay with me. I understand this happens, and although it sucks, I respect your decision, but hope we can stay friends."

 

She cried. Said yes, we can still be friends. I said I understand she has a lot of stuff coming up and if she isn't really into our relationship then she shouldn't be in it. But I really do still want to be friends.

 

It was hard, but I think it was the right thing to do. It still hurts, but I really do feel better than I thought I would at this point. And I feel way better than I did the day she dropped the bomb on me.

 

Thanks.