clemsonbelle425 Posted June 21, 2011 Posted June 21, 2011 I know this has been posted a bunch, but just wanted to share my story. My boyfriend of 2 years is afraid of commitment. He asked me to live with him saying "it wasn't for sure" & then backed out, not surprisingly. He is not sure if he ever wants to marry. He know he loves me so much, but it is hard feeling rejected. I am now moving out to my own 2 BR apt. I am an attractive girl with a good career with a good salary. I am going to pursue my dreams other than marriage, and hopefully my boyfriend will follow suit. Any of ya'll in a relationship & want to get married or live together & your significant other does not reciprocate? How do you cope? I am giving it a year and seeing what happens. Do ya'll think that is a good time frame to see what happens? Enjoying every moment with him. Hopefully things will work out with us! By the way, I just turned 28 & he is about to turn 30. Thank ya'll! ~Anna
malibustacydoll Posted June 21, 2011 Posted June 21, 2011 Hi Anna, I can bring a new perspective for you. I am a girl and have been dating my boyfriend for nearly five years. We have the opposite situation-- I very much avoid the topic of marriage or taking the relationship further. We did move in together but moreso in my opinion for practicality issues. If I were you, I would give it time but I would not take it personally. The reasons I don't want to get married don't really have anything to do with my boyfriend. They are more personal and deep rooted. I would just try talking to your expectations with him and find out why he is acting like this. Perhaps before you get to a deeper stage you could go with him to couple's counseling? I am considering doing that. Good luck.
Eddie Edirol Posted June 21, 2011 Posted June 21, 2011 Sorry to tell you Anna, but he wants to get married someday, just not to you. You will be waiting for the rest of your life if you want to hold out for him. He isnt as into you as you want him to be, and he has already planned to started dating after you give up on him. He is comfortable, even more comfortable after you moved out, and he is already preparing to move on.
malibustacydoll Posted June 21, 2011 Posted June 21, 2011 Eddie, I completely disagree with what you're saying. Just because he is not in a rush to commit does not mean they don't have a future. He may just not be ready to grow up yet.
heartshaped Posted June 21, 2011 Posted June 21, 2011 I'm in a similar, but different situation. My boyfriend is commitment phobic, but says he wants to get married and settle down. It's just the actual doing so part that I think freaks him out. We've been dating for two years now and I am going to give him another year as well and if we haven't progressed then I will take action. Some people just aren't exactly comfortable with commitment even if they love the person and it's something they want. Being patient is good and I do think you have to give the person a chance, but I agree with you that after three years, no further commitment, then you should move on.
in_absentia Posted June 21, 2011 Posted June 21, 2011 I want someone who knows what he wants and has the same conviction as I do. He should want me just as badly as I want him. So no, I'm not willing to wait long for a proposal. If he doesn't feel that way, I'd rather be with someone who does. I'd hope for it at 1 year and probably walk if nothing happened by year 2. This, though I'd be hesitant to stamp such a short timeframe on it myself (I do want to get married someday to my current bf but at our age 23/25 and the length of time we've been together (6 months) I'm definitely not expecting it any time soon!) You know what you want, and he knows he doesn't want the same thing at the same time. Sure, you can wait, but two years seems a realistic time to move in. The person who said he might not be ready to grow up may be onto something, but at his age do you really want someone who still wants to be a kid? Let me share with you my story... I was with my ex for three and a half years, both in our late teens/early 20s. I was ready to think about moving in after a year, we talked about it and he made noises about us living together in my second or third year of uni. I was happy with that, however it came to that point and he still hadn't moved out of his parents' house (I moved out at 19 and became independent, he didn't until he had graduated and was more like 23). He moved in with his friend, and after 6 months of them living together I brought up us moving in together (on our third anniversary). He blew a gasket, freaked out, we had a huge argument and I waited a couple of months to mention it again. In this couple of months he didn't once bring it up! Anyway, like a fool I did bring it up again and he agreed that we'd move in once I graduated, a couple months before our fourth anniversary. We made all the plans etc., I moved in and... guess what? I RESENTED being made to wait to long for it. I wasn't talking engagements or babies, I just wanted to share a flat and a bed each night with the guy I loved, he didn't want the same thing with me at that time. We broke up after a few days, lived together for 6 months and then he moved out and a flatmate of mine moved in. It drove me crazy before we moved in, you know. I couldn't figure out why on earth he didn't want it as badly as me. It wasn't like I was a clingy gf and I had a lot more going for me than he did for himself (not to be mean, but I have ambition he didn't, plans for the future he didn't, independence, maturity and other things he hadn't grown yet. He just wanted to go to his minimum wage job, go home and play video games, see me a couple times a week and repeat. I was ready for more than that ) A few months after we broke up I started seeing a friend totally out of the blue, a really close friend that one night ended up being FWB. We got together officially within a few months, and moved in together two months later. We're both going through a world of crap right now (unemployment, bereavement, bad health issues, stressful job with threat of the sack and so forth) but you know.. it really blew me away that this awesome guy, my bf, wanted to live with me and spend each night with me and have us come home to each other every day. I can't believe I waited so long for someone who wasn't as crazy about me as I was about him, but once I took the plunge and left him my romantic life has gotten a lot better. Sorry for how long that was but my main point was, you may end up resenting him for this. And he sounds flaky!
grkBoy Posted June 21, 2011 Posted June 21, 2011 I know this has been posted a bunch, but just wanted to share my story. My boyfriend of 2 years is afraid of commitment. He asked me to live with him saying "it wasn't for sure" & then backed out, not surprisingly. He is not sure if he ever wants to marry. He know he loves me so much, but it is hard feeling rejected. I am now moving out to my own 2 BR apt. I am an attractive girl with a good career with a good salary. I am going to pursue my dreams other than marriage, and hopefully my boyfriend will follow suit. Any of ya'll in a relationship & want to get married or live together & your significant other does not reciprocate? How do you cope? I am giving it a year and seeing what happens. Do ya'll think that is a good time frame to see what happens? Enjoying every moment with him. Hopefully things will work out with us! By the way, I just turned 28 & he is about to turn 30. Thank ya'll! ~Anna You did the right thing...you walked away and put it on him to move forward or lose you forever. Not much more you can do. The worse thing would be to stay living with him and keep hoping or hinting that you want to get married, but he keeps avoiding it...and yet believes you won't leave him. Sometimes the hard truth is the thing that kicks someone over the edge. Now he has to decide if his insecurity is more important, or you.
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