getsback Posted June 20, 2011 Posted June 20, 2011 Hi Guys, Been a little while since I posted a new thread. A few months ago my ex left me after I hurt her emotionally. I havnt seen her since, but we have spoken via text on our cell phones a few times. The subject of being friends one day has come up in the past but we wernt ready at that point. Anyway, during the break up, I was devestated and begged and pleaded on a number of occasions. Like many of us on here, I let my emotions get the better of me and went from being cool, to begging, to being angry, to telling her I don't care anymore, then back to begging etc etc. I know everyone says this but it was completely out of character for me. I finally decided to go no contact as I was just digging myself a bigger and bigger hole. I'm at the point now where I feel good again. I don't feel emotional about her and I couldn't ever see myself wanting to be in a relationship with her again anyway. However, in a few weeks I was planning on talking to her about being friends again because we got on amazingly well and we always had great fun hanging out. And for me, she was an important part of my life and hope she always will be. The thought of her being with other guys dosnt bother me at all now and if anything, I hope she finds someone that really makes her happy. Anyway, my question isn't about whether or not we should be friends. I know some of you will think its ok and most of you won't. But I have decided that's what I want and I'm sticking by it. My question is this... When bringing up the subject of friendship, should I apologies or acknowledge my behavier during the break up? Or just ignore it altogether? The thing is, we both know it happened and I acted a little crazy so I kind of thought if I bring it up and kind of laugh at myself for having acted that way, it may make things a little less ackward. The chances are, she won't even want to talk to me anyway, and I can accept that. But if she is at least willing to hear me out, do you guys think I should bring it up? P.S....hope you guys are all doing well....you will all recover I promise!
Kilty Posted June 20, 2011 Posted June 20, 2011 Most definitely not And as much as you want to convince yourself that you want to be just friends with this girl you cant convince us Dont even go there
D-Lish Posted June 21, 2011 Posted June 21, 2011 It's a bad idea to remain friends with an ex. There's really little benefit to it! At some point she'll start dating, or you will- and there will be no more room for one another in terms of a friendship. Even worse, you'll develop feelings again.
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted June 21, 2011 Posted June 21, 2011 It's a bad idea to remain friends with an ex. There's really little benefit to it! At some point she'll start dating, or you will- and there will be no more room for one another in terms of a friendship. Even worse, you'll develop feelings again. ^^^ Agree; however, if you do actually want to be friends and are willing to risk the above risks. I do not think you need to apologize for anything, that was a relationship issue not a friendship issue. And by becoming friends it should automatically show that she forgives you for it.
Art_Critic Posted June 21, 2011 Posted June 21, 2011 IMO.. from experience of doing it all the ways... Right now the best apology you could give her is to disappear.. In time if you dig deep enough to try to right your wrongs and you can do it without hurting her or looking to get back together then do it.. Nothing sounds worse than an apology that isn't heart fully meant...
johan Posted June 21, 2011 Posted June 21, 2011 An apology would just be more torture for her to bear. She is only going to appreciate the end of it, when you stop talking to her. I don't mean to be cruel, but she just really doesn't want to hear it. She doesn't need to know you regret what happened. She only would if there was a possibility of a future relationship with you on any level, which in her mind there isn't. So she just want to move on and for you to do the same. No more difficult conversations. And no easy ones either. Just none. For your own benefit, just start thinking about what you want for your future. Not what you regret about the past. The time for apologies is past, and really that's a good thing.
TearyEyedPride Posted June 21, 2011 Posted June 21, 2011 Smh. Honestly... what possible benefit can you get from being "friends" with your ex? Dig deep because I really want to understand. I weighed the pros and cons of my situation, and the cons shamed the pros list. Mine looked something like this: Pros: Get to know how he's doing. (Obviously fine without me) Opens the door for communication between us. (What is there to talk about with him that I ABSOLUTELY CAN NOT LIVE WITHOUT? I mean we had a relationship that we built together... but he destroyed it and decided that my efforts to maintain it weren't good enough) Get to be on "friendly" terms. (ok... once again... what does he have that I can't find ANYWHERE else? The love I have for him? Pffft. He doesn't even want it. So... how friendly is that?) Cons: Constantly worrying about what boundaries and subjects I can and can't breach with him. Being used as a crutch to help support someone who had no regard for how broken I was when he left me. (I'll be damned...) Watching him move on and constantly comparing what we have to what they share. Me moving on and being worried about how I have to break it to my "friend". Trying to recooperate from each other, with each other... (see? That makes no sense at all. The don't use crack, to help crack addicts overcome their addictions) Being told he's getting married after being promised that it would be us there one day. Feeling constantly unsure of wtf is really going on. BUT! I digress... You say you've chosen to head down the path of "friendship" with your ex. Hopefully it turns out beautifully for you, maybe you'll prove my doubts wrong and be "superexes". Idk. To answer your question though, don't apologize. It'll start to stir unwanted emotions in her.
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