Katesaprincess Posted June 20, 2011 Posted June 20, 2011 Hi everybody! I've been seeing this amazing guy for about 6 months now and up until last week things have been wonderful. He would always text me throughout the day, always wanted to see me and would go out of his way to see me, gives me tons of compliments and just seems totally into me. Well, a week or two ago he joined a gym and has been going like 5 days a week. He is very skinny and is trying to get more muscular. He has always been a lil insecure because I'm his first girlfriend (he's 25, I'm 23) and a lot of people seem to think I am way out of his league and think I am much more attractive than he is (not going to lie, it's true. But to me he's very attractive since I've fallen so hard for his personality and everything about him). For whatever reason since he has joined this gym he hasn't made much effort to hang out with me, doesn't text me as much, and my gut is just telling me that he is acting a very strange, yet he tells me he is fine he has just been really busy with work and helping his friend do a bunch of stuff while he was on vacation. However, he still has time to go to the damn gym. I feel like he is losing interest in me and I feel like an idiot trying to get him to hang out with me. How can I get his interest back? What the hell is going on here? He texted me last night asking if I was ok since I've "been so quiet lately" and asked if I was mad at him. I was very short with him and just said "no". Then he asked if I wanted to hang out on Tuesday and I said maybe, I don't know. Then he says "miss you" and I never wrote back I just went to sleep. I'm so confused it's not even funny. If anyone can help me I will be so grateful. Thanks for reading.
heartbrokengrl Posted June 20, 2011 Posted June 20, 2011 Hmm I hope there's a good excuse. The reason is, I'm going through the same thing. Been together for almost 6 months and he texts less. When we do see each other it's great, but he doesn't text me goodnight anymore, his e-mails come very late in the day (used to come in the morning) I guess when you've been getting things like that all the time u definitely notice when you get less. I don't want to be clingy or insecure so I try to keep myself busy for a bit but I'm constantly worrying that he may be losing interest, met someone, negative thoughts continue. Do you think your boyfriend doesn't realize he's being distant? Sometimes guys have no idea how they're affecting their significant other. My guy goes out almost every other night and drinks, so I always think maybe he'll meet somebody cooler than me or even hook back up with his ex-fiance. I sound crazy, but I do keep these to myself and to this message board. I just wanted to let you know that I'm kind of in the same boat, my guy even wanted to start going to the gym too, oh no! lol If you do talk to him, will you update on this post? I haven't talked to my bf in 24hrs and that's the longest we've gone, I called last night/emailed, no response...this feeling sucks. I'm sure both of our bf's are just busy and getting too comfortable and don't realize that we're noticing???
Author Katesaprincess Posted June 20, 2011 Author Posted June 20, 2011 Hmm I hope there's a good excuse. The reason is, I'm going through the same thing. Been together for almost 6 months and he texts less. When we do see each other it's great, but he doesn't text me goodnight anymore, his e-mails come very late in the day (used to come in the morning) I guess when you've been getting things like that all the time u definitely notice when you get less. I don't want to be clingy or insecure so I try to keep myself busy for a bit but I'm constantly worrying that he may be losing interest, met someone, negative thoughts continue. Do you think your boyfriend doesn't realize he's being distant? Sometimes guys have no idea how they're affecting their significant other. My guy goes out almost every other night and drinks, so I always think maybe he'll meet somebody cooler than me or even hook back up with his ex-fiance. I sound crazy, but I do keep these to myself and to this message board. I just wanted to let you know that I'm kind of in the same boat, my guy even wanted to start going to the gym too, oh no! lol If you do talk to him, will you update on this post? I haven't talked to my bf in 24hrs and that's the longest we've gone, I called last night/emailed, no response...this feeling sucks. I'm sure both of our bf's are just busy and getting too comfortable and don't realize that we're noticing??? Girl our situations are TOO much alike! lol I don't know if he realizes he is being distant. He says he isn't good at reading girls and has just been busy. I feel like he isn't interested in me anymore and just wants to hang out tomorrow to shut me up. I feel like I am too available and he only wants to hang out when its convenient for HIM. I look like an IDIOT! Not gonna lie, I am a HOT girl and get hit on constantly when I go out with my friends. He on the other hand is physically attractive to ME since I know his personality so well, but none of my friends think he is cute and keep asking me why the hell I like him so much. I don't know what to do..
heartbrokengrl Posted June 20, 2011 Posted June 20, 2011 hey, don't worry about what your friends think. I've had a couple bf's where my friends were like "what r u thinking" but their personalities were so awesome they were hot to me and that's all that mattered. My current bf is very handsome so that worries me lol I don't think my guy would cheat, but he does drink a lot, so who knows what that entails. Overall, he's a good guy, it's just my insecure anxious attachment style is driving myself crazy. At this moment, I'm STILL waiting for him to call or e-mail, how pathetic. Like you, I'm available too. I've hung out with friends once or twice on my nights off but most of the time I hang out with him ( because I want to). I guess this is the first boyfriend I've had where I don't really know where I stand. He hasn't told me he loves me either, but I stopped waiting for that. He's so independent and confident, I'm trying to be more like that. I also don't want to voice all these things to him because it might push him away, so I want to seem like I'm not always thinking about him or I've got lots of things to do (even tho I really don't lol) I do miss the good morning/good night texts! but i can't be like "so...why have u stopped texting me sweet things, bring em back" haha
Author Katesaprincess Posted June 20, 2011 Author Posted June 20, 2011 I'm starting to think that maybe I should just ignore him and see what happens. Last night when we were texting he said he was worried about me because I've been so quiet (yea right he's the quiet one!!) and I told him I'm fine don't worry about me and he said he cares about me too much not to worry. WTF?! He is sending me mixed signals and I don't know what to do or think.
heartbrokengrl Posted June 20, 2011 Posted June 20, 2011 He'll get the hint hopefully that you've been quiet because he's been distant! Update: After our conversation on here, I couldn't help it so I texted him "r u alive" and he called said he called in sick for work because he was hungover and spent the whole weekend at his friend's house drinking. I told him how I was worried and irritated and that he could have at least texted or called. He could tell I was upset and then I said "well I should go, bye" and then hung up. I dunno if I should have done that, but I really was annoyed he couldn't have just texted me. At least your guy is noticing you've been quiet, I hate how we have to spell things out for some people because they don't get it. I'm aware of the rubber band theory that if you give each other space, you guys will both bounce back to each other, but I've never had to do that with any boyfriend before. I know that distance allows the person to miss you, but it feels like unnecessary games, even tho it seems to work for a lot of people. grrrr...have u read that book men are from mars women are from venus? lol i read it online free, it kind of helped a lot to see differences in genders in relationship.
TheCoolest Posted June 20, 2011 Posted June 20, 2011 I'm starting to think that maybe I should just ignore him and see what happens. Last night when we were texting he said he was worried about me because I've been so quiet (yea right he's the quiet one!!) and I told him I'm fine don't worry about me and he said he cares about me too much not to worry. WTF?! He is sending me mixed signals and I don't know what to do or think. Are you by any chance 12? I used to be a fat brah myself in high school. Sophomore year i started working out. And my girlfriend at the time (similar to you and your guy) was way prettier then any girl that I should have been with. I still ignored her half the time. You know why? Because working out takes energy. He is using all his energy on trying to better himself as a person. And my girlfriend didn't care that i worked out. She never wanted to workout with me. She never wanted to talk about working out. So as an athletic person can you see how that might cause problems? Honestly i also felt that when i lost weight (which i did) that i wouldn't be able to be a one woman man. I figured that i would keep her around incase i failed. But also distance myself so i could cut her loose when the time came. Not saying that is what your boyfriend is doing. Just saying i did it. All in all you need to talk to him not us. Idk if you have tried this but you can always sit him down and tell him exactly how you feel. That is the problem with some woman. You don't realize that men aren't mind readers. And for the most part we want to avoid conflict at least with the girl we love. So unless i know for a fact that something is wrong with my girlfriend i probably wouldn't ask. That means that YOU need to tell. So that you can talk it out like two adults.
TheCoolest Posted June 20, 2011 Posted June 20, 2011 You ignoring him because you feel that he is being distant is really immature. Seriously are you in high school? I know you said you are 23 but at 23 you should be able to have a conversation. You deciding to ignore him isn't cool at all. Its called playing games. Why play games when you can tell someone what you want? That would be reason enough for me to dump you if i was him.
Author Katesaprincess Posted June 21, 2011 Author Posted June 21, 2011 You're right. It is immature. Sorry earlier when I posted this I was being extremely irrational and very upset. After taking a nice sunset run, I've cleared my head and am much calmer now. I want to sit down and have a conversation with him but he's too busy and I don't want to sound needy and clingy by asking him to hang out, when I have many times and something always comes up. Everytime I ask him on the phone/text why he is acting so weird he keeps saying nothing is wrong and he really wants to see me but things just keep popping up. I personally think that's bullsh*t but I didn't argue with him.
Author Katesaprincess Posted June 21, 2011 Author Posted June 21, 2011 Are you by any chance 12? I used to be a fat brah myself in high school. Sophomore year i started working out. And my girlfriend at the time (similar to you and your guy) was way prettier then any girl that I should have been with. I still ignored her half the time. You know why? Because working out takes energy. He is using all his energy on trying to better himself as a person. And my girlfriend didn't care that i worked out. She never wanted to workout with me. She never wanted to talk about working out. So as an athletic person can you see how that might cause problems? I have absolutely no problem with him working out! I am just concerned because he didn't act like this before, and he isn't in the gym 24/7. I actually love that he works out. He is super skinny and needs to put on some muscle weight. I just don't like the way he's acting, whether it has to do with working out or not.
Recommended Posts